My boyfriend and I are stuck in a rut!?

My boyfriend and I are going on our four years and a few of my friends said that they went through a 3yr, 4yr bore I think we've hit that!! We still have a very great relationship and I wouldn't change anything except our sex life has kind of hit a stand still it doesn't happen as often as either of us would like and when we do it's kind of on the plain side, he's always been on the shy side when it comes to talking about anything sexual and i'm trying to find a way to spice it up without him feeling like this is his fault or making him feel awkward. I don't want to go all crazy and scare my poor guy but I want him to have some fun and loosen up like it used to be. Any ladies that have been through this or know any good advice i'm all ears!!

Update:

No offense but I wonder if some of you even have a brain. why bother comment on someones **** if you arent gonna be serious about it. and if you havent read above we still have sex and are still in a perfectly great relationship just need some pointers THANKS

Update 2:

I would very much like to thank the ladies R.Marie, and Mrs.McD who contributed some good advice I will try them out! as for the wait till marriage its a little late for that one and we dont believe in that.

7 Answers

Relevance
  • Anonymous
    8 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    It's not unusual for long term relationships to go on a stand still every few years, especially within the first few years. Couples feel bored as they may feel as though they've already explored everything with their partner. I've experienced this myself. There's quite a few different ways to spice things up without going crazy and scaring him. These are all things I've tried and have worked for me. When you hear him go in the shower, get in the shower with him. Even if you aren't a big fan of shower sex, you can still be intimate and have some foreplay before moving to the bedroom. Text messaging. Now you don't have to send a nasty text, or a dirty picture. What I prefer to do is send a text reminding him about a time you had sex that you both enjoyed. Then ask if you can do that again that night. That gets him thinking about an especially good time, which will make him excited and put him in the mood. Dress sexy for him when he comes home. When you know your boyfriend is going to be home soon, put on his favorite bra and panties of yours, then wait in bed for him. To make that extra spicy, put some porn in. He'll see you dressed sexy, watching porn. Knowing you're turned on will turn him on. Another thing you can do is just ask him if something is bothering him. Just say something like, 'we haven't really been having sex lately. Is something on your mind, or is there anything you'd like to try?' Good luck!

  • Anonymous
    8 years ago

    First of all, don't psych yourself out by over analyzing this "dry spell". Every part of your life is a roller-coaster and the pendulum will swing back the other way if you are patient.

    Media tells us that sex has to be exciting and passionate constantly or something is wrong. THE MEDIA IS STUPID and wouldn't know a healthy relationship if it bit them! Focus on your friendship for a little while and the passion will come back around. Do something for him without expecting anything in return- rub is feet, give him a back massage, clean out his truck.

    Another fun thing to do is to catch him by surprise. Every once in a while my husband and I will have what I like to call "Naked Dinner". I prepare a dinner and serve it to him wearing nothing. I acting like everything is normal - and it drives him crazy. We always end up having a fun night on naked dinner night.

    If you man doesn't like talking about sex openly, then try some different positions and gauge his reaction. Also, don't be afraid to pick up a Kamasutra book for extra inspiration. Try something new! It can't hurt.

    At the end of the day, I would say the other commenter was right - wait till marriage before having sex. relationships are complicated as it is and take work. Sex just makes it more complicated and can be so much more rewarding in the unity of marriage.

  • Anonymous
    8 years ago

    Normally whenever my husband and I hit a rut it ends quite quickly. Here are some things you both could try: handcuffs, costumes, foreign accents, sex toys, having sex someplace you normally wouldn't (a shower is a good place to start). Basically you need to get your boyfriend to open up to figure out what turns him on. Know what turns yourself on as well. Alcohol is not a horrible idea to get a shy person to open up lol.

  • 8 years ago

    I may not be a woman but if I went through this I'd say it would be kinda weird to be stuck in a rut.

  • How do you think about the answers? You can sign in to vote the answer.
  • 8 years ago

    Don't listen to the other comments. It's hard to find guys like this anymore. Be patient. Wait for marriage first before you have sex.

  • Anonymous
    8 years ago

    Ask your sister over for a threesome.

  • 8 years ago

    YOUR BOYFRIEND IS GAY! xD

    THAT'S why he doesn't want to have sex with you.....he don't like the pusseh no mo.

Still have questions? Get your answers by asking now.