Boyfriend broke up with me out of the blue because he needs "time", what to do?
My boyfriend and I have been in a serious, committed relationship for about 6 months now, and everything was as good as can be. We rarely ever fought, and when we did it was reasonable and always got solved positively. We worked so well together, and complimented each others personalities perfectly. Although, he is 29 and I am 20. The age gap never came up as an issue, because he isn't necessarily as established in his life as most 29 year olds, due to his tough choice of a career. I have always been overly-mature fir my age, and we balance out perfectly. We would spend weekends together and see each other at least one night during the work week. We were really so happy, and beginning to open up to each other in a way that really made me have high hopes. He knew I was falling hard, but also knew that due to his commitment issues, wasn't going to ever push him or pressure him into feeling he isn't ready to feel. We were happy with what we had, and I thought that was all that mattered.
4 days ago, he broke up with me. That same morning, we were talking like normal and he texted me to say good morning, as always, and we began planning what we wanted to do this weekend. Then, out of the blue, after him acting strange halfway through the day, he said he was bring coffee to my house and we would sit in the driveway and chat. I knew what was coming, and I didn't know why. He said that he needed time for himself and to just step back from everything in his life to try and figure out what he needs. He said that he can't fully put his heart into the relationship right now and is not sure why. I cried, tried to understand why he was doing this, and ultimately accepted his decision and told him I would give him the time he needs and hope that we will find our way back to each other, because I know that this isn't right. I said I would miss him, and he said he would miss me too, he was sorry, and is going to try to fix this as soon as possible. He still wants to talk, but I haven't heard from him. I broke down one night and sent him a huge text about how hard this is and how I hope he hasn't given up hope etc. I regret it, and he said that he understands its hard and that nothing he would say would make me feel better. He said all he can do is hope that he can figure this out and things get back to "normal".
I think it has to do with the fact that it is getting much more emotionally serious, and his instinct was to run. Because I know he cares, no doubt about it. But I also think it has to do with his ex who committed suicide 2 years ago, after he broke up with her. He needs to heal, and to accept that running from feelings isn't going to get you anywhere in life. We could have had something so great, and I am heart broken.
My question is, where do I go from here? I am absolutely shattered but am trying not to let him know how much I miss him, how hard this has made getting through my days, and how desperately I want him back in my life. What do I do? Does there sound like there is hope? I don't know what to think about his stand on it, and I will never understand how he could tell me he wants to break up and needs time with absolutely no problems or ulterior motives. It was out of the blue, everyone who knows us is shocked. I want him back, I miss him. What to do?
- 8 years agoFavorite Answer
Ik how hard it can be but the best thing you can do is just try and keep in contact with him but you should take care to not show too much emotion maybe just close to the point where it almost never happened bec. you don't want to show any 'bad' qualities right now. Just try and keep in touch with him maybe just like two texts throughout the day kinda like friends but that's all you can do. Just wait for him to come back because you can't control how he feels right now. There's something going on with his life right now that he needs to sort out. You need to understand that you can't control that and only he can but just keep in touch with him. Don't make them too long tho, but ya just let him be and he will come around when he decides to
- 8 years ago
Six months isn't long enough for you two to be so tied down. Feelings take their course obviously. But you have to start looking at the big picture. "Is he ready to commit?" That's a question you're going to have to ask yourself. I sencerely doubt that it's because of his ex that he's doing this. Possibly he could just be a little worried about how deep he's getting into the relationship so quick.
See it this way. Before? It was get what he wants and run. When things even start to get serious then he would usually run. He stuck with you, and now his man-wiring is going A-wall. It's saying basically, "What do I do? Stay? Run? AAAH!" I wouldn't pin your hopes on him coming back. Don't chase after him. If he needs time, (If that will do any good) then he doesn't really need long texts of soppiness. Trust me I know, you want him back and these words, in your mind, are going to convince him to come back. But they're not. If he's got commitment issues, he's not going to like Clingy. His head is naturally wired to back off from Clingy. Whether he is over his past commitment issues or not, he still feels the same way about Clinginess, because in the past that was his "Run" signal. He may be reminded of that since you sent that text.
Bottom line, give him time. Don't chase after him. You obviously love him very much, but this love might be scaring him. It's new to him, really. He used to have several girls on his arm, so he never really had to focus on one before. Focusing on one is probably putting him in a bit of panic. It's like driving a car for the first time. Your nerves are all over the place. You're there thinking "I don't want to crash!"
So basically, give him time and don't smother him. If he comes back, he comes back. If he doesn't, try to take a deep breath, prepare yourself, and move on. It's all you can do.
I hope I helped.
- JemSource(s): Mind, experience
- 8 years ago
no matter how old you are or what happened the only option you may have at the this time is to give him space and dont worry yourself to death over this. You may love him and ect. but theres not that many options hes giving you here and it is very hard to admit but what you should be asking is if there was anything at all that you might have dont to cause him to want to distance his self from you or feel smouthered and want out of the relationship.Source(s): i know i may only be 14 but we know just as much about relationships then most of you average cornball 35 year olds.