i think i'm the perfect balance of fem and masculine but i really want to be pure feminine its just i'm 6'4?

and running from gay or bisexuality (i veer way more towards men i just find it easier to get off on straight porn because its the norm) guilty about gay feelings, acting, dressing a little bit

i'm 6'4 with a face cute and masculine at the same time, i wear feminine long sleeved shirts, and jeans - but...i want to be all the way fem its just i'm 6;4

been hanging around in a gay chat for awhile; for some reason i only have confidence when i'm drunk; i don't know...

when i get around a cute guy i act all shy and make cute involuntary noises (holding laundry, guys in front of the door "oh" ", my room mate brought a friend over i've never met, went out for beer, went out for pizza, went out for laundry, went out, went out, found another excuse i'm going into the living room

and my room mates boy friend - he smoked a doob with me the other day i can't hang around him too much, we stood so close i could feel his breath; was so nice (ik he's taken but he's gorgeous)

all this going on i hate myself for feeling this way *shrug*

yet i claim to be true to myself with the way i dress and act; but deep down i may or may not have an on and off switch to go super fem - or super shy - in the end i'm too emotional not physical

sort of like a woman i suppose (not to be sexist)

also i have a weird thing for asian guys -_-

hmm...my upbringing sucked - i was group homed at 11 from the family who adopted me day 1;

homeless at 17; on the run from criminals at 18;

i seriously have to leave the country i have so much hardships ahead of me and want to learn from my mistakes; but after hopping town i finally found some zen; peace and quiet

and after thinking i started wanting to be true to myself so im coming out of whatever shell i have slowly

at the end of the day i'm still a drunken theif -_-

worthless piece of trash

sorry for the rant

i'm not allowed to feel this way, and its too late i was part of street culture for too long

and i'm not allowed to be cute because every time i let my guard down there's a knife aimed at my stomach :(

*sigh*

Update:

on the bright side people won't guess i'm gay - even if i wear fem shirts

i wind up looking cute and masculine; with just the right amount of assertiveness

and confidence so no one even asks my sexuality anyway; its just not a big deal

but it is !

*headspin* and - i - do - not - know - why

1 Answer

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  • 9 years ago
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    What does height have to do with it? *sigh* There are literally tons of women who wear 6" heels just to get to 6 foot and would die to be your height (strange, isn't it). Women who are as tall as you, complain that no man wants to look up to them. (I'm not 6' and I see lots of guys taller than me).

    Sounds like you had a rough past, still do. So what are you going to do about it? That's right, what are YOU going to do about it? There are always alternatives, not that we want to consider them because it means change, but there are always different paths that a person can take. People reinvent themselves all the time, the successful ones are the ones who can make it stick.

    You want to be true to yourself, then you have to take care of yourself. That means doing things that improve your condition, not keep you down. Self worth is worth more than any amount of worth bestowed by king or country. Don't want to be a drunk, stop drinking. Don't want to be a druggie, get help. Don't want to be a thief, lower your expectations of what you need to survive.

    Too many people identify themselves on what they have. Ipod, Ipad, flatscreen, cable, satelite, competer, high speed internet, fast cars, big house, bodyguards, etc, etc, etc. Their "worth" is tied up in their possessions, not in thier soul. Worth is based on what do you when nobody is looking. Did you help the older person when their bag broke open and spilled their monthly groceries on the ground? Or did you kick the groceries around as you brushed past them?

    We make choices every second that define our self worth. DId you give your employer 100% for your wages today or just 75% because he hasn't given you a raise in two years? Did it occur to you that at least you have a job whereas 14 million americans lost theirs in the last two years?

    I don't care if you are gay, bisexual, pink, purple with red stripes, 7 foot 6 or 3 foot 2. Who you are as a person, your actions, your outlook, your self worth is what is important as a fellow human being. We all have our burdens, our desires, our dreams, our devils. Balancing them and making the best of them while shouldering through the blizzard of life is what defines our character.

    If all you have to look forward to is your next high, or your next bender, it's not much of a life. But you're also not locked into that. YOU determine your next step. YOU have the final say in which path you choose.

    As the old knight in Indiana Jones III said "He chose poorly" You can't control how others view you, except by your actions and how you move through life.

    Choose wisely

    Source(s): LT Crossdresser and life voyager
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