What are your thoughts on thie prose? Do you like it?
Wo to you cosmetic dynamic sailor!
Stomping your astro-biotic yogourt guck to the sniffin' punks
Twirling and swirling against your Older siblings aura
scratching the bugs moving all their insecurities into your flesh
They've talked to your realtor and she's half naked in Spain
eatin' on european time, tannin' like a Cali Babe
thinking of Italy only in terms of guidos and guidettes
trying to find the "Perfect pizza"
and racking her brain for some place where her tourist walk wouldn't stand out so much as it does
She's ditched the disposable camera, the fanny packs and one day passes
The Holy Guide Book and reffuses to go any where near the souvenir shops
Slowly melting to the sound of the hollow jazz guitar
feeling dizzy from all it's subtle notes and trying to to think of
Him or Her
or them or Us
Just riding horseback down a steep hill in the Columbian mountains
What a breath of fresh air it is to be breathing fresh air
But then returning to get a sensual massage by the top of the notch massuses down in yuppie tuppie Town.
her crotch's all sore from the horseback-ing
all the bruised tomatoes and tomatas are dripping from her lover's ceilling
dripping down to the floor so she can slip on the guilt of non-support of Local Farmers
She switches on The News
twenty nine hundred evacuated for suspission of posession
narcotics officer belly dancing to the spicy simosas
him and his fellow cockroaches buttoning their suits and diving into the river of insomnia-or rather coke binge
He ate his pizzas with knives and forks
uring his kangaroo as a digeradoo
blinking madly to the Starry starry night reproduction prints
you can always tell the counterfits from the Turtleneck pigglets ready
for the slaughterhouse in
their polished Afro ABC charts
- ?Lv 79 years agoFavorite Answer
Too much in one gulp for me -
I feel visual-minor-concept-sick.
Too many concepts together trivialises each
and overwhelms the reader
which I`m sure was not your overall intent.
Perhaps re-think, select te ones you most want to emphasise
You need edit, edit, edit.
- Owned DreadLv 49 years ago
waaay 2 many big words, majority of people that read this wil most likely get halfway and quit,
the flow is also kind of off and it sounds alot more like a short story draft.
These are just my opinions, edit it, rephrase it, and if u dont wanan do it then just ignore meSource(s): good luck:\
- lovechildLv 79 years ago
Ignore the closed minded that don't want to put a little into the reading. You have to speak it aloud without pause start to finish to 'get' the whole thing, would be great spoken-word material.
- 9 years ago
I am looking for the full stop. This looks like a Derridian Drift.