What are your thoughts on thie prose? Do you like it?

Wo to you cosmetic dynamic sailor!

Stomping your astro-biotic yogourt guck to the sniffin' punks

Twirling and swirling against your Older siblings aura

scratching the bugs moving all their insecurities into your flesh

They've talked to your realtor and she's half naked in Spain

eatin' on european time, tannin' like a Cali Babe

thinking of Italy only in terms of guidos and guidettes

trying to find the "Perfect pizza"

and racking her brain for some place where her tourist walk wouldn't stand out so much as it does

She's ditched the disposable camera, the fanny packs and one day passes

The Holy Guide Book and reffuses to go any where near the souvenir shops

Professionally de-tangling

Slowly melting to the sound of the hollow jazz guitar

feeling dizzy from all it's subtle notes and trying to to think of

Him or Her

or them or Us

Just riding horseback down a steep hill in the Columbian mountains

What a breath of fresh air it is to be breathing fresh air

But then returning to get a sensual massage by the top of the notch massuses down in yuppie tuppie Town.

her crotch's all sore from the horseback-ing

all the bruised tomatoes and tomatas are dripping from her lover's ceilling

dripping down to the floor so she can slip on the guilt of non-support of Local Farmers

She switches on The News

twenty nine hundred evacuated for suspission of posession

narcotics officer belly dancing to the spicy simosas

him and his fellow cockroaches buttoning their suits and diving into the river of insomnia-or rather coke binge

He ate his pizzas with knives and forks

uring his kangaroo as a digeradoo

blinking madly to the Starry starry night reproduction prints

you can always tell the counterfits from the Turtleneck pigglets ready

for the slaughterhouse in

their polished Afro ABC charts

4 Answers

  • ?
    Lv 7
    9 years ago
    Favorite Answer



    un-Reality teevee?


    Too much in one gulp for me -

    I feel visual-minor-concept-sick.

    Too many concepts together trivialises each

    and overwhelms the reader

    which I`m sure was not your overall intent.

    Perhaps re-think, select te ones you most want to emphasise

    then re-write?

    You need edit, edit, edit.

  • 9 years ago

    waaay 2 many big words, majority of people that read this wil most likely get halfway and quit,

    the flow is also kind of off and it sounds alot more like a short story draft.

    These are just my opinions, edit it, rephrase it, and if u dont wanan do it then just ignore me

    Source(s): good luck:\
  • 9 years ago

    Ignore the closed minded that don't want to put a little into the reading. You have to speak it aloud without pause start to finish to 'get' the whole thing, would be great spoken-word material.

  • 9 years ago

    I am looking for the full stop. This looks like a Derridian Drift.

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