My boyfriend/fiance doesn't want to have kids until we're married?

What does it mean if your boyfriend and you are engaged, have lived together for 4 years and plan to get married within the next year, yet he doesn't want to start a family until AFTER our wedding? I am somewhat broody and ready to start having kids now yet he insists its better if we wait to make it 'legit' and 'official'.

For some reason it matters to him if the child is born out of wedlock, which is common nowadays. Why is this? Would it be wrong for me to stop taking the pill and pretend it was an accident?

14 Answers

  • Anonymous
    8 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    Even if it is common to have children born out of wedlock, that doesn't mean its ok. A wrong thing is still wrong no matter how frequent or common it is. Aside from that there are other things to consider.

    1) A wedding is a very expensive celebration. If you have children before that, you might deplete your money for the wedding which would result in you delaying your wedding or have to settle for a less 'fabulous' wedding.

    2) A child might bring disharmony. He is does not want a child out of wedlock, and if it 'accidentally' happens, he would be angry and he has you to blame, which would be correct. It might get so bad that you might have to say goodbye to your wedding.

    3) Raising a family out of wedlock is different from taking care of a child in marriage. One of the difference is commitment (especially for men). Men don't fornicate to raise children. They don't expect children. And if a child does come, they probably want to get rid of it. Your fiancé is in a similar mental state so don't expect things to go smooth if you did get 'accidentally' pregnant.

    And, yes, it is wrong for you to stop taking the pills and pretend it was an accident because:

    1) you are lying and deceiving. A marriage build on lies and deceit will not be happy or last very long.

    2) you will hurt him. He has his own belief and virtues, breaking them will antagonize him and show that you has total disrespect in them. This 'accident' will sure bring disharmony to your relationship

    3) you might not be ready. Pregnancy, birth and childrearing are very demanding, it is not uncommon for a man to leave a pregnant woman because he is not ready for it.

  • 8 years ago

    I am unsure what the big rush is to not wait until the next year if you are in child bearing years. If that is his preference, you should respect that. You could get in big trouble for lying about taking the pill and pretending it was an accident. There is no need for being in that dishonest/manulative situation when you only have to wait one year until married.

    Aside from it official, there are financial benefits and rights that spouses have more with children as well within the officiality of marriage. Good luck.

  • Two
    Lv 6
    8 years ago

    You have to ask your boyfriend what it means, but I wild guess says he things that it is better if kids are born to a couple who have actually made a permanent and public commitment to one another, rather than to a couple who more or less plan to do so some time next year.

    Would it be wrong for you to stop taking the pill and pretend it was an accident? Yes, of course it would. You don't need me to explain why.

    There's an easy solution to your problem which you seem to be overlooking. Why are you waiting until next year to get married? You could get married next week if you wanted to.

  • ?
    Lv 5
    8 years ago

    What a jerk!!! Wanting to do things the right way, giving the kids the oportunity of being born in an official family with all the benefits that come with it, agh, what a *******!!!

    Your clock may be ticking, but it would be his child as well, he definetly has a say on when he wants to have kids. He trusts you are taking the pill, if you break his trustm he will definetly know and may resent it later on. In fact, it usually reads as desperation.

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  • Hannah
    Lv 7
    5 years ago

    If you would seriously stop taking your birth control and trick a man into getting you pregnant, you are not mature enough to be having kids!

  • 8 years ago

    He might wat to keep it traditional , or maybe its his religion . In my opinion having kids when you get married is more dedication .he might have something personal going on with babies before marriage. He wants to have the kid when both of you are official . It is more traditional to have th baby after the wedding .

    If you where to stop taking the pill and have th baby he would most certainly not mind , he would be happy with the baby . But , since he would have wated it to be after marriage he might feel like he did not achieve his goal .

  • 8 years ago

    Just respect it. He is smart to wait until marriage. What happens if you two break up? He doesn't want baby mama drama. So wait until marriage. If you have waited 4 years already you can wait until you say your vows.

  • 8 years ago

    Of course it would be wrong to "accidentally" get pregnant!! What kind of person are you?

    Seriously, if you aren't mature enough to wait less than a year to have a child, then you're not mature enough to raise one... or be married.

    You are what is wrong w/ women/GIRLS nowadays! UGH!

    Source(s): MORALS
  • 8 years ago

    Because it is bad enough to have sex outside of marriage let alone kids basically he don't want a bas tard kid.

  • Me
    Lv 6
    8 years ago

    Poor guy. If you would lie to him like that, I hate to see what else he cares about that you would just throw away for your selfish motives.

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