Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsSingles & Dating · 8 years ago

Sexual decline in relationships, is it me or is it in my head? I want honest unbiased opinions on this subject?

I've been with my partner for over 4 years now, we used to have a very active healthy sex life as we both have a high sex drive. In the past few months now it's been declining for for my lack of wanting, and nor has his been declining, but he's resorting to masturbating and using porn more and more frequently, staying up long nights playing computer games instead of spending time with me or approaching me. I am a giving partner and rarely say "no" and even enjoy giving oral on a regular basis, but I an concerned.

We now have 2 children and I could have understood had it been a weight issue but I actually lost a lot of it and am in better physical shape than I was before we became a couple, so I don't know if it's a physical factor, but I am racing my brain wondering if I am going crazy? I've said many times if he does not ant to be with me that I am not one to want to force a partner to feel obliged, I prefer we both be happy. Sometimes I think he's trying to push me to stray so I can be blamed for ruining the relationship, he is very stubborn and would probably see him as breaking it off as a failure, so maybe try to coax me into being the one to cause it's demise?

I am a very sexual impulsive person and do worry if I will slip into indulgence, but for the first time I am in a relationship I do not want to jeopardize.

I am even not al that bothered it is was occasional jerking off, I have to admit I do it from time to time, but it's becoming regularly and I am less and less involved. I brought up me buying myself a sex toy recently asking if it would make him uncomfortable and the reply I got is "why would you need one, you have me.." well...seriously? I would have sex everyday if I had a willing partner but it's not happening, which is why I am thinking of resorting to it. I guess that's not obvious to him, even though I bring it up from time to time, out of concern and out of exclamation.

Is he just ready to move onto someone else? Anyone experience this? I am curious to know of other people's experiences.

6 Answers

  • Jon
    Lv 5
    8 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    It is normal for these questions and doubts to be entering your mind. Consider this, there is a difference between being willing, or as you say, not saying "no" to sex, and actively pursuing him because you desire him.

    Do you initiate sex with him? Have you talked with him about this trend that you noticed lately in your sexual intimacy?

    There may be relationship issues that are harming the sexual connection you had previously enjoyed. I think you have a good approach and a healthy view of sex, because these things can be touchy, it's important that you communicate in a good way. It's important also to not make him feel as though this is his problem or his fault and don't go pointing out that he does this or that and you don't like it. Be constructive, talk about the problem and why you think it exists and then begin working on resolving the surrounding issues that are feeding the problem.

    And if you want a sex toy, just go buy one for yourself. If he is insecure about it, then just let him use it with you and make it more of a tool that you can both incoporate into sex. He might feel worried that you will prefer using the toy to having sex with him, but you have to explain also that you feel worried that watching porn and masturbating will replace sex with you. The toy is not his competition just like porn is not your competition. These things are just part of your team. Use them to improve both your sexual satisfaction.

  • Anonymous
    5 years ago

    There are 3 circumstances that stand out for me in opposition to Denny. However these could also be biased, I don't know! The person who was once posted earlier - I had forgotten about it honestly. The You Tube one with Kyle Petty. I do not know who was once correct or wrong, but what he said is what I failed to like. Then, the one three weeks ago the place he knew he had a reduce tire (or tire happening, anything you need to name it) and was shedding positions by the second...Yet he didn't pit so he would deliver out the caution alternatively which set Kyle up for the win. Was once the Kyle spinning Jr. Out on the equal race? I'm pondering now it was?? And then of path, two weeks ago with Brad. Once more, no longer necessarily the stuff on the race track, however the stuff he said after. Surely, NASCAR didn't high-quality anyone considering the fact that they stated they had been going to permit more Driver Contact on purpose this yr (though of path that isn't exactly how they worded it). I am sure it can be been mentioned many frequently before, but a few individuals (perhaps even YOU?) responded to one of my questions prior. It's Denny's experience of entitlement he appears to have. He particularly puts it available in the market that he real believes he's entitled to things that simply do not exist!!! I've the biggest trouble with Denny out of any the current drivers...And sure, that includes Kyle, too!

  • 8 years ago

    First of all, you have two kids with the guy. Straying because you are sexually impulsive is not an option. Your relationship is no longer about just you and him you have kids so think of that when you are tempted to blow some tatted up scumbag.

    He is still into you. As guys we get lazy. We want to blow a load but don't want to put all the extra effort it takes to satisfy a woman we've been with hundreds of times. Pulling your wire in front of the computer is quick and easy. Maybe tell him that giving you a quick and easy humping now and again is acceptable as long as he mixes in the odd long session to help you out.

  • 8 years ago

    Its a normal thing in a relationship. At some point it all is just so normal and normal gets boring. Its just routine and we get lost in it.

    There are some secrets to helping your relationship keep the romance burning which keeps the bed warm. Never stop dating or surprising each other. Set aside time for each other and try and find similiar hobbies to do together. Spice up the bedroom with roleplay, fantasies, watching porn and copying it, trying something new.

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  • 8 years ago

    It is normal in every relationship as sex always fades away unless you are so creative with al the aphrodisiac foods , surprise dates and keeping yourself in perfect shape which doesn't happen in real life. That's why strip joints are popping up and massage parlours everywhere for the cheating husbands.

  • 8 years ago

    Do you initiate? If so does he turn you down? You need to tell him that you need him to do you.

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