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Can anyone help me with my short story?
heey people, I'm writing a short story about a girls named sarah, and her best friend ashley that kills her mom and trys to kill sarah. This is what i got so far;
It was a long dark night, as the lighting flashed, and the thunder crashed, and the fog started to spread. i sat by the window waiting for her to arrive. but as the seconds led to minutes, and the minutes, led to hours, i slowly fell fast asleep. as morning came she still wasnt home, but when i opened the door, i found a dead body laying on the door step.....there she was my mom. with a knife stabbed through her chest, with blood dripping down i found a note, and it said '"roes are red voilets are blue, i have gotten her and now im coming after you...." with fear in my eyes i ran to my room and hid under the sheets.
that all i wrote and i have no idea what to write next, can someone please help?? Thx XD
- Anonymous9 years agoFavorite Answer
I thought that bit was good, but it happened really fast and I didn't really get into the story. Here's my take on your bit, but I made it a little bit more detailed. I hope you like it.
It was a long, dark night. The sharp lightnings flashed, and mocked the night sky by lighting it up, the thunder roared and crashed in people's ears, and the fog started to spread around the earth, covering up every piece of land it could get to. I sat by the window, waiting for her arrival, watching the gloomy night outside, and couldn't help but feel a little gloomy myself. She was supposed to come home a few hours ago, and I had started getting very worried. What if something terrible had happened to her? No, that couldn't be. My mind kept playing, mocking me, trying to break me down. But I was strong. I had always been strong. But as the seconds led to minutes, and the minutes led to hours, I slowly found myself falling into a fast, deep sleep. The morning came fast, faster than it should have. I stood up, my head spinning, and stretched my stiff limbs. Sleeping by the window had been freezing, and when I gently touched my skin with the tips of my fingers, I could feel how cold I was. I grabbed a blanket that was lying on the floor of my room and wrapped it around me, hoping it would warm up my body. She still wasn't home. I could feel it. But there was something wrong.
When I opened the brown wooden door, I felt my heart stop beating for a minute. There it was. Lying on the doorstep, waiting to haunt me. To haunt my every dream and thought.
It was my mother. A sharp knife was standing out of her chest, and there was blood. Too much blood. I couldn't help but feel slightly sick, seeing my mother there, in a pool of blood. The woman who had raised me, loved me, cared for me. One of the few people that had cared about my existence. With shaky legs, I walked closer to the body. Then, I knelt down and checked for her pulse. But I couldn't find one.
She was dead. Gone. He soul vanished from this world.
The first thing that caught my eye, was a note, which was attached to the knife, standing out of her chest. My hands shook violently as I ripped it free and opened it.
"Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I have gotten her,
And now I'm coming after you."
Everything stopped. I stared at the white piece of paper in my hand. No. This couldn't be.
The smell of blood had started making me feel worse than I already did, and I knew that I had to get out of there immediately. I stood up, fear coloring my eyes, and I ran.
Soon, I found myself hiding under the sheets in my bed. I didn't know how I got there, or how long I had been there. I just knew that I was afraid.
Was that alright? I just felt that you needed a little more details in the story. Here is an idea for what you could do.
# She runs out of the house, into a forest, and tries to hide there from Ashley. But Ashley knew her a lot better than she thought, and it wasn't long until she found her. She tries to run away, and Ashley goes after her, but some accident happens and Ashley dies. Sarah gets really worried, because people are going to be thinking that it was her that killed Ashley, instead of an accident. You can make something up from there.
If that idea is not what you were looking for, let me know. My email is:
I want to help you, if you need any help. If you need help rewriting something with more details, if you need any ideas, please contact me. I would love to help you :)
Thank you for reading my answer, and have a very nice evening!
- 9 years ago
Maybe Ashley has an evil twin and is going after all of Ashley's friends. She could also have stayed with her professor (mad genius) who tests an experiment on her and turms her against all her friends/ family. Put that Sarah calls the police and tries to find out who did it. She goes to school and can't find Ashley. She hides in the bathroom mourning and thinking about the court case deciding where she will go. Her father died in a plane crash and she's all alone. When she's walking home, she feels that someone is watching her. She runs home and slams the door. After ahe calms down she calls Ashley. Ashley picks up and screams, "Help! Someone! Please, no!" Sarah takes her bike and goes to Ashley's house, where Ashley's parents are dangling on ropes with gashs in their heads. Ashley closes the door and says,"I've been waiting for for you." Sarah tries to go out the back door,but Ashley kills her by throwing her knife straight into Sarah's heart.
- Anonymous9 years ago
Talk about how Sarah feels, and then have her look around. The sensible thing for Sarah to do is call the police.
- 9 years ago
Have her call the cops and the cops suspect her along with a few other people and Ashley.
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- xieLv 45 years ago
attempt "The Lottery" via Shirley Jackson, "I have not any Mouth and that i could Scream", "Croatoan", "The Paladin of the lost Hour" via Harlan Ellison, "Wine on the desolate tract" via Max sort, "The Monkey's Paw" via W.W. Jacobs, "How the Camel have been given his Hump" via Rudyard Kipling, "the journey of the Speckled Band" via Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, "the guy Who Corrupted Hadleyburg" via Mark Twain, "If there's a Will..." via Richard Matheson and Richard Christian Matheson, "The Masque of the crimson death" via Edgar Allen Poe, "Harrison Bergeron" via Kurt Vonnegut Jr., "I Sing the physique electric" via Ray Bradbury, "An incidence at Owl Creek Bridge" via Ambrose Bierce, "Goodman Brown" via Nathaniel Hawthorne, "The Legend of Sleepy hollow" via Washington Irving, "interior the Hillls, the cities" via Clive Barker, "Survivior form" via Stephen King, "3 O'Clock" via Cornell Woolrich.....right this is a start up, besides. i don't be responsive to what the "maximum excellent short tale of all time" is, neither does every physique else. There are 1000's that are somewhat nicely worth analyzing that i've got no longer named, authors which includes Algernon Blackwood, Issac Beshevis Singer, Doris Lessing, Raymond Chandler, even Mickey Spillane and Louis L'Amour have written great ones. the fast tale is an paintings form all it rather is own.