Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Education & ReferenceHomework Help · 8 years ago

i need help on this paragraph!?

can someone please edit this for me? thank you!

my paragraph is about the flying shuttle that john kay created and how it has impacted us today

here is my paragraph:

The flying shuttle had a large impact on the Industrial Revolution which lead to a large impact on today’s textile industry. The flying shuttle is not used currently in textile industries but it did help other people think of new inventions for the textile industries though. Now textile industries run more efficiently due to such an advance back then. This is the impact the flying shuttle has had on the present day.

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  • 8 years ago
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    The flying shuttle had a lasting impact on the Industrial Revolution, which eventually effected the modern textile industry. *Although the flying shuttle is not used today, it did help other people think of new inventions for the textile industries. Nowadays textile industries run more efficiently due to the invention of the flying shuttle**.

    Ok:

    *I think you need to explain what a flying shuttle is, unless this paragraph is a part of an essay that explains what the flying shuttle is. this is because, as a reader, you are just saying that the flying shuttle helped the modern textile industry. You don't provide any information about what it actually is and what it does.

    ** How does the flying shuttle help the textile industry? how did it impact the Industrial Revolution? More information!

    Try to rework this even more. No offense, but as a reader I still have no idea what the flying shuttle did and how it effected us. This is more like an introduction to an essay about the flying shuttle.

    Good luck!

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  • 8 years ago

    The flying shuttle had a large impact on the Industrial Revolution which lead to a large impact on today’s textile industry. The flying shuttle is not currently used in textile industries, but it did help other people think of new inventions for the textile industries. Now textile industries run more efficiently due to such an advance back then. This is the impact the flying shuttle has had on the present day.

    Source(s): All I could think of (braindead)
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  • 8 years ago

    I would rephrase your second sentence to read: It is not currently used in textile industries, though it did help other people think of new inventions for the textile industries.

    Your third sentence is confusing at the end and could be fixed by saying: Due to these advances, textile industries run more efficiently today.

    I also think your last sentence is unnecessary, as it doesn't really say anything meaningful or even beneficial to your paragraph, so I personally would remove it. If you need more sentences in your paragraph after removing the last sentence, you could go back in and add a sentence discussing the inventions that the flying shuttle led to, which you referred to in sentence two, but didn't go into detail about.

    I hope that helped, and good luck!

    Source(s): I've written a lot of papers!
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