Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsFamily · 8 years ago

I'm not in my brother's wedding party, should I be upset?

My step-brother is getting married next summer and he just told me that I am not going to be in his wedding party. His fiance's two sisters will be bridesmaids and my other step-brother will be an usher. My exclusion makes me feel like I am being separated because I am a step-sibling. However, I have known both my step-brothers since I was 4, I am currently 19 years old. I have never felt like a step-sibling until now.

I know that this is my brother's fiance's decision. I have known her since I was very young and although I don't consider us close, I think we are on very good terms. She has both of her sisters in her wedding party and they are both the maids-of-honour because "family is so important to her." I can help but feel excluded.

I know it's not mandatory for her to pick me and it's not really the fact that I'm not a bridesmaid that makes me upset. It just seems to me that I am not considered family in this situation. That my brother doesn't see the point of sticking up for me and putting me in the wedding party, and that his fiance doesn't value me enough to make me a bridesmaid.

I am strongly considering skipping the wedding. I know I'll feel silly every time someone asks me how I know the happy couple and I have to respond with "I'm the groom's sister." Skipping my brother's wedding would definitely cause a lot of tension in our relationship but at this point I don't even care. If he doesn't consider me family then why should I? I know this is very immature of me but I can't help what I feel.

So, how should I go about this? I would love to be included in the wedding, but I also don't want to be put in the party for pity. Would it be best if I skipped the wedding all together?


My future sister-in-law has more than two people in her party. She has chosen 6 ladies to be her bridesmaids. My brother hasn't chose his ushers yet and he has been the best-man at at least 6 weddings so that's six ushers plus my other brother.

5 Answers

  • ?
    Lv 5
    8 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    If you were really close to your step-brother, then you should be upset over feeling excluded in his wedding.

    In 2008, I was not invited to my eldest sister's wedding.

    There was no invitation for me to go to her wedding.

    My father tried to bribe me with a lot of money to go to her wedding but I refused to go.

    On the day of my eldest sister's wedding, I went to work at the job I had at the time.

    My sister and I have not really spoken to each other for 7 years now.

    I've never really had a good sibling with her anyway.

    She's arrogant as she truly feels she's smarter than my other sister and I.

    My dad bribed the proctor who administered the behind-the-wheel driving test to pass her so she would get her license.

    She's the only person I know, who has been robbed 3 times.

    She doesn't take responsibility whenever she makes a mistake.

    My brother-in-law has always looked down at me.

    My brother-in-law once told me in front of my face, "You should be lucky I am dating your sister."

    He told me that when I was 12 years old.

    My eldest sister and my brother-in-law view me as a loser.

    Both of my sisters treat my cousins and their friends better than me.

    I don't regret not going to her wedding as I would've felt awkward being there anyway.

    If your family doesn't see why you feel the way you do, then it's best to not attend his wedding.

    I hope that I've helped answer your question and take care of yourself. I mean it. ~ Alan

    Source(s): Personal Experiences. I related to your question.
  • NWIP
    Lv 7
    8 years ago

    Making a mountain out of molehill and it can cause more harm than good. Why would you skip the wedding just because you are not in the wedding party? Look if she had more than 2 people in her wedding party then maybe but that is all she has and they are her sisters. So what would you like her to do add another person so that means your brother has to find another usher? Tell one of her sisters that she can't be in the bridal party? What about your parents they are not part of the wedding party either so should they skip the wedding? They obviously had to make a choice and she did in that she is limiting it to 2 attendants each. So what you have to tell people you are the groom's sister it does not sound silly at all. Plus this means you get to pick your own dress to go to the wedding you are not stuck with what she chooses, you do not have to speak at the reception, hold a wedding band or anything else. It means you get to enjoy the ceremony and afterwards without any pressure at all. So enjoy it instead of making a big deal about it.

  • Mircat
    Lv 7
    8 years ago

    I see no reason to go. I'd tell my parents that the exclusion is really hurtful and makes you feel like an outsider. They could have made you responsible for the guest book or something but doing this is blatant and I understand you feeling hurt. It's your choice to go or not go. You could send a gift through the mail or with your parents then just find something else to do that weekend. Maybe you and a girlfriend could go out of town.

  • 8 years ago

    I wasn't invited in my step-sister's party thing either. But my brother-in-law's sisters kids are in it. I have considered not going but I am going to go for the sake of making my parents happy. I think you should go to not cause your family to get mad. I would say something after, and also going will make the groom and bride look bad by involving you. So I would go.

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  • 8 years ago

    that is horrible


    yes you have every right to be upset

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