He doesn't want too commit?? picking best answer in a hour!! Please help!!?
My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 1/2 months, everything was going literally fantastic.. Then we had our first fight. ( I'm 17 and hes 18) two days ago he said that he still loves me and that he DOESN'T want too break up.. but he said that he doesn't Know if he is READY for a committed relationship... I don't know what he meant by that? what does that mean?? Should we break up.. or should we try and work things out??. Also, today I told him we shouldn't talk too eachother for a while so we can have time too think about things, and he seemed too not relly care about that, all he said was okay. Can you please help????! I need major advice.
- 8 years agoFavorite Answer
When a guy says he is not sure if he's ready to commit yet, that pretty much means that he wants to keep you around to have "fun" with, but still keeps his options open. If he meets a girl and has his fun with her as well, he doesn't have to be guilty about it, since he is not officially committed. Most (immature) guys use this method to keep a girl around for selfish reasons without having to label themselves as "in a relationship".
Here's the advice that I would give you. I know that this works, because it has worked for me before, and most girlfriends that I have known who have done it also saw great results. Even the toughest, most carefree player comes around, suddenly wanting to commit.
Just take the control. Tell him in a caring, not dramatic, but assertive way that you have been seeing each other for over 4 months now, and that it's been a while. And you are looking for something more committed. Kindly express that if he doesn't know whether he wants to commit to you by now, his unsureness after such a long while is already a clear statement about the situation. Nicely let him know that it is probably a waste of time, and that you think you should go separate ways then.
This takes a lot of self control! Because, really you like him, and you actually WANT to be in a committed relationship, but you have to bluff, and act as if you could easily do without him, and if he doesn't grow a pair and commits, you're not trying to waste your time and hang around for it.
Then you give him space and don't contact him. DO NOT contact him. no matter how much you miss him. It is really difficult when you love someone but this part is mandatory. Wait until he contacts you first. Now only one out of two options will happen:
a.) He will say he commits. (very likely, esp. if he already invested over 4 months in this) or
b.) He will say he doesn't want to commit (or won't contact you at all anymore. guys are bad communicators.) in which case you walk away from the situation as the woman who took control of a relationship that was bad for her. the woman who leaves before she is left. It will hurt, but you have to be strong and resist the urge of being with him in an uncertain relationship that will leave you needy of more seriousness. Do NOT settle for any wishy washy in-between stuff, that's just his second attempt at getting his way. Just kindly refuse his offer. Or if he needs more time, tell him you'd gladly give him time, but it should be time apart.
Just the fact that you show him that you could do without him if you wanted to, will make you 100 times more desirable, and if he's a smart kid, he will not want to lose a girl who knows what she wants and will not hang around for a guy who can't give it to her.
Just want to mention here that by no means I want to antagonize guys who are unsure about commitment- I just want to help you out in getting what you want out of the relationship, and I'm using this metaphorical evil "player" guy in my explanation to get my point across.
Good luck with everything, and sorry for the huge essay.Source(s): Life lessons, Personal experience, girlfriends' experiences
- NormsgirllLv 58 years ago
It seems that four months is the time when relationships hit some sort of brick wall. I suppose that in that time, both of you have gotten to know each other enough to make a decision whether this is going somewhere or not. Unfortunately there is sometimes a difference between how two people feel about each other. You want commitment, but he isn't so sure. Not talking for a while would definately not work. If you really want him, now is the time to put up some sort of fight for him. But if he has already made up his mind that he is not up for it, then you might lose him.
- 8 years ago
DON'T put him under this pressure - it's not fair on him. He needs more time to be with you and just have fun. That way you won't have fights about the future, you'll just enjoy the time you have right now.
Why are you thinking that you have to break up if he won't commit to you anyway? You're asking him to choose between 2 things and he doesn't want either! You should relax a bit more, stop counting the months and focus on ALL the reasons you love each other. That way your relationship will get stronger and you will BOTH want to commit when the time is right.
Good luck :-)
- 8 years ago
Sara, learn early in life, guys don't talk. He doesn't care because you are dealing with the issue on an emotional girly level.
Every relationship has it's ups and downs, you fight and you make up. Or if you are not in a committed marriage, you fight and you move on.
At 18 years old what guy is really ready for a committed long term, life long relationship?
If you told him you shouldn't talk so you can have time to think about things, you've just slammed the door in his face anyway. He took you seriously and he's not going to say "oh please talk to me", he's going to shut down and block you out.
Slow down, decided what you want for your life. If being this man's wife is your goal, than figure out how to communicate with him and give yourself some time to mature.
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- 8 years ago
If he's not committed then what are you hoping to do? wishing that someday he will be? you can't live like that, to be honest after 4 months you should have some sort of commitment, arguments are irrelevant, they happen to everyone no matter how happy the couple. Just don't be with someone where you know it's going to be a very one sided relationship. The more you pursue this and pursue him is just going to damage you. But it's your choice, we all make decisions regardless of whether it's a good or bad one.
- 8 years ago
Sounds like he wants to date you until something better comes along - if a guy wants to date you but doesn't want a commitment, that is a bad sign.
- NickLv 58 years ago
Ok..he means he doesnt want to just date you...he is interested in meeting other girls...i think he doesnt really love you....he told that so you still date..if he where in love he would gone ape **** when you said lets not see each other right now...i think you need time to self
.and not worry your self of dating any one intill you feel that you can find a guy only interested in you and only you....
- 8 years ago
True Love don't need Commitment. I you Love him believe him. and then every things gonna be alright.
- 8 years ago
Give him time... you are so young that theres no need to rush anything. If you push him too hard he will leave you.. Same situation..Source(s): Me/