What do you think of my lyrics?

Okay, so I wrote this song today (4-20-13)-- I live in California and I know that there are people who answer from all around the world. I know that some of you may say that I would need to add rhymes to it, but not all songs rhyme.

I have lyrics, but not the instrumental part of it. Also, I was thinking of kind of a pop vibe, but it starts out slow, then speeds up. Unfortunately, I do not know how to play any instrument. I'm trying my best to learn piano, but it's not working out too well for me.

Anyways, here are the lyrics:

All alone in this

Dark world

With nothing to lose

Nothing to gain

What am I gonna do,

How am I gonna get

Out of this dark, cruel world

And how can I make the

Light shine once again

Why does this world

Have to be so dark and cruel,

Can't we all just get along

In this not so perfect world

We all know that this

World ain't perfect, but

What can I do to

Bring out the light again

I don't wanna

Live in this dark,

Cruel world anymore while

I'm thinking of a way outta here

Back into the light once again.

So, please let know what you think of my lyrics.

Update:

What's weird about these lyrics is that I thought of them off the top of my head and I promise you that I'm not going through anything at all.

What's really weird is that I was actually in a happy, upbeat, positive mood when I wrote this song. It's weird 'cause I've literally never done that before. Also, most of the songs I happen to write are love songs and this is about something different.

I have been through depression before, but I'm not going through it now. I'm more positive and happy now that I have and still am trying my best to let go of my past.

So, i was actually happy when I wrote this song. :)

Update 2:

So, i just now got my mom's opinion on it and she told me it sounded like I wanted to go to Heaven and that the world is a horrible place--that's not true at all.

Technically it's supposed to be like when people are trapped in a dark alley or trapped in a dark situation with no way out and they don't know how to escape from being trapped in the dark alley and can't figure out how to get out of there, but they want to be able to escape in order to see the light again outside of the darkness.

--I do apologize if the above doesn't make sense, but hopefully it does.

3 Answers

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  • 8 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    No songs are "too depressing" . They may not be your taste, because you like more joyful music. Songs are poetry, they express whats on your mind. I like it, but dont repeat words too many times (cruel). Also try to make a chorus. For example..Verse 1, Chorus, Verse 2. Or V1 C V2 C. However you like. Keep practicing, and you will get better.

  • 8 years ago

    I admire your effort and encourage you to keep writing but these lyrics are just a little too hmmmm dark. Cheer up and keep on trying.

  • Anonymous
    8 years ago

    Add more variety in your lyrics, so you aren't just saying all the same thing you are adding more detail. And this is depressing :( but good effort!

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