Need advice for out of control in-law family?
I have been with my spouse for three years. We are expecting a little girl this Fall, and we are engaged. Our relationship started out great, until I found out he was with someone else in a dead-end relationship, purely out of guilt. He left her almost immediately after I found out, and we have been okay ever since. His father, on the other hand, is a mess. A few of us believe he may be a little psychotic, but not jumping to conclusions.
When he found out we were together, he made a very demeaning phone call to me, with things no human being should say to another. I believe he still has it out for me, and here is why:
I come from a Spanish background. My mothers' parents are from Chile, but my dad is Canadian, as am I. My spouses dad, every time we see him, calls me a Mexican or "*******" or tells me to get back on the boat and go back where I came from. As a child, I went through this a lot, being SLIGHTLY more tan than the average Canadian. I have asked him numerous times to stop, to lay off, etc. He did not get the memo.
His wife and her daughter, we also believe are psychotic. The daughter has recently been put on "happy pills" but they don't seem to be helping. She constantly berates people and makes nasty comments and stories up behind their backs. Her mother is the exact same way, so I understand where she gets it from, but nevertheless it is unacceptable and rude. She had the nerve to go behind our backs and spread around that the child was not my spouses' and that I had cheated many many times (which is very far fetched, I do not cheat)
She got her "discipline" for it, but she didn't stop. More onto her step father again, my spouses' biological father.
We're all familiar with the online Garage Sale world on Facebook, etc. I had posted a small plastic pool for sale, and had an older woman coming in from 2 towns over (half hour drive) to pick it up for her grand-kids. Out of the blue, my father in law showed up at the door and basically forced us to give him the pool, giving the "we're family" guilt trip. This poor lady that drove in was left empty handed, a mere 2 minutes after he loaded the pool into his truck.
Now here is where it twists.
He has pushed us, berated us, and just plain been a control freak since I met him, so I snapped and told him off, saying we were adults and could make our own decisions. It was not the pool issue that had made me that mad, but rather it pushed me over the edge and I couldn't take it anymore. My spouse and I argued, because he is a butt-kisser to his dad, but ended the conversation and left it at that. So, this morning, I applied for restraining orders against him, his wife, and step daughter. I have 3 days to notify police to continue with it, or to cancel it. I was going to take the time and sit with them civilly to try and fix the problem. If not, I would activate the restraining orders. No more issue? Wrong.
Today, we went out for dinner with his biological mother, and while sitting at the restaurant, his dad showed up and literally SCREAMED at the top of his lungs at my spouse in the middle of the parking lot. It was beyond embarrassing. He went on about how I was useless and stupid and all I do (yes, he said me!) is cause drama. He then went on to say that I was no longer welcome in his home. I returned the gesture, virtually denying him any contact with our child on the way. We got in our car and went home. He has since called probably 20 times, sent at least 10 text messages, and continues to talk to people behind our backs about what went on.
Was I right to apply for the restraining orders? I feel very threatened by this man and his family. He is 6'3", probably 300lbs. Not a small man. I am 142lbs, 21 weeks pregnant, and 5'4". He got right in my face screaming at me tonight, and I am genuinely concerned for my, my child's, and my spouses' safety. I do still want to sit down and lay down some ground rules, but at this point, I'm afraid he may physically harm me and my child, or my spouse, if we try to resolve the issue ourselves. Help!
- 8 years agoFavorite Answer
Your spouse needs to protect his immediate family (you and your child) that is his duty as a man. It will not matter what you do to those animals unless your husband stands up to them they will keep coming back, after all they are his family. He needs to put an end to all this degrading commentary. Be a man protect your own.
- willmonLv 44 years ago
She can also be "controlling" only if you and your husband let her be that means. I think that this isn't the first time she has meddled on your marriage or for your plans. Correctly, i believe she probably was once allowed to do that at your wedding and even previous ... And that just set the tone for the whole thing else after that, together with the present Christmas limitation. Some men and women have prompt that this is your husband's fight to fight, however i don't completely believe that. It's anything that each you and your husband must maintain. Gift a united front to your better half's mother -- not best with this present Christmas thing, however at all times -- and she's going to get the message and again off. All couples planning marriage would do good to set the tone early with in-legal guidelines. Let them know correct from the -- earlier than you even get married -- that in the event that they want to help with things, best, however that meddling and looking to run things is one other story and will not be tolerated. That goes for wedding plans, vacation plans, how you carry your youngsters, where you reside -- everything. .
- CodyLv 58 years ago
First of all, this man has threatened your physical safety! It would be lunacy on your part to not go through with filing these restraining orders, although you must never initiate contact with these people under any circumstances again. Second, tell your husband to grow a spine. He needs to stand up to his family and not allow them anywhere near you or your child, as these people are clearly off the deep end. If you can, move out of driving distance from these people. The more difficult you make it for them to harass you, the more likely they'll stop since the whole point is that you and your husband are easy targets for their attacks. If your husband can't stand up to his family, consider leaving him with them. You and your child's safety shouldn't be the price of his guilt and co-dependency on his psycho family.
- Anonymous8 years ago
Im sooo sorry But from my experience if I was u now and I wish I can go back in time. Leave!!!!!! Do not get involed with someone who has a crazy family that person u are trying to be with is part of them as Well. And the family will never like u. Happened to me. It just gets worse. Im sorry.