How can I reduce my boyfriend's stress - or, at least, my own?

My boyfriend doesn't have a job, and this is a source of a lot of stress for both of us. He refuses to do part time work (a point of contention) and wants to focus on his career. Fair enough, but at the same time, my salary isn't enough to keep us both afloat. On top of which, I cook two meals a day and pack us lunches, work 40+ hours a week, and try to keep the apartment in check, while he doesn't really do anything except practice, try to make connections, and think.

He thinks a lot.

When things are good, they're really, really good, but when he gets into this anxious-thinking mode, I can't talk to him because he just gets angry. He doesn't think out loud, so I have no idea what he's worrying about, and at the end, he tends to make a decision and suddenly (angrily?) just dash off. And I'm sick to death of it. This happens at least twice a month, and when I bring up my problems (even a small one, like something that irritated me at work that day), he makes light of them, as though they're stupid a petty, or points out that his problems are much bigger and he doesn't have time to be worrying about my **** right now.

And that's fine, except that his problems are chronic, whereas mine are more immediate. Even "Do you want pizza or hamburgers for dinner tonight?" is met with a lot of hemming and hawing.

Maybe I just want to complain. I don't know. But I wish I could at least understand how he's feeling and what he's thinking, if for no other reason than to rid myself of this anxiety.

2 Answers

  • ?
    Lv 6
    7 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    both of you should read this:

    You need to get your mind off it. Exercise is the best way, especially sports like karate or boxing that will toughen you up as a bonus. Else try video games or rock climbing or w/e. speak to a counselor, and talk to your family about this, talking makes everything better. Only a real human recognizes when they need help. What I always do when I’m sad is watch vine or cat videos and such, or read mike Tyson quotes.

    You’re just a person- everyone is just a person, yet many have done incredible things and lived incredible lives. You could be next, you just need to believe, and then achieve. All you need in life to succeed is willpower. If you want a purpose in life, try helping others for a change. Lots of people are suffering in the world- and you have the power to help them it’s expected if you're religious. If you do good in the world, then everything will work out for you. Consider lions club international which is a great club where you get to not only help others out, but also meet new friends and potential lovers. It’s great in every way. Or you could even join the police. Don’t be a random good for nothing anybody like everyone else. Be different, be superior. Don’t let evil win.

    You think you have it rough? There are people with infinitely greater problems, take a look at these types of videos, they’re guaranteed to cheer you up:

    Youtube thumbnail


    Youtube thumbnail

    if they’re missing limbs yet still get by in life, then you sure as hell can to! Cherish what you have. Most people don’t.

    don't give up ,life is so beautiful, so full of love and joy and purity, you just have to fight for it first.

    if you ever want to talk just email me, i'll help you in any way i can, i mean it. Just remember to unlock your account stuff so I can reply to you back : )

  • DeAnne
    Lv 7
    7 years ago

    Why are you wasting yourself on this guy? He doesn't work at all? Is he in college? He needs a degree. Most employers want college grads. Even in college, he can work part time.

    The brain is a very complicated and delicate thing. It can get messed up and be unable to produce any or enough serotonin. This is called a chemical imbalance which is easily treated, very common and nothing to be ashamed of.

    It can cause depression, anxiety, panic, obsession, self harm/self hatred, suicidal thoughts, eating disorders, sleeping problems, aggression/rage, anger, phobias, fears, helplessness, hopelessness, hypochondria, ADHD, paranoia, OCD, headaches, lack of interest in things, lack of motivation/ focus and much more.

    You should both go to a dr. and ask for anti-depressants. Zoloft/Sertraline is a good one; most people thrive on it and it has no side effects. With antidepressants, you will be much better, happier, calmer, confident, relaxed and feel normal. What a difference it makes!

    According to nearly everyone who’s been to therapists, they don’t help much. They aren’t even allowed to prescribe appropriate meds to help you get better. Don’t stop taking the meds once you start to feel better. You need them, so stay on them.

    But meds can do only so much. God is the ONLY one who knows what you’re thinking, how you’ve struggled and what you’re going thru. He loves you passionately and wants to be your BFF. He has a super deluxe custom made plan for your life that’s beyond anything you ever dreamed of.

    BUT He waits for us to ask. Invite Him into your heart; ask Him to take over your life and your problems. You will feel so much better. You are His special masterpiece. He planned for you before He even created the universe.

    Watch Him ease the stress and give you peace in it's place. He is on YOUR side. He never stops thinking about you. His thoughts toward you are more than the grains of sand on the beach (Psalm 139).

    Find a big, HAPPY church, attend some groups and have fun. Talk with the pastor or youth pastor; he has more wisdom than you or I. And where else can you get counseling for free? Troubled people need PEACE. A good pastor can show you how to have perfect peace.

    God loves you more than you can possibly imagine!! :)

Still have questions? Get your answers by asking now.