Destination wedding save the date/invitation etiquette?

Do save the dates and invitations go out to everyone? Is there any way to combine the two so we can figure out who is planning on going and who isn't? Seems like a waste of money to send both to everyone knowing that most won't be in attendance. Suggestions appreciated!


The wedding will be in Mexico with most guests coming from CO or MO. We would like to invite everyone on our guest list to avoid any hurt feelings. If they can't come, that is their decision, not ours. I'm just wondering if we can send a save the date that replaces the common "formal invitation to follow" with something like "you are invited". Isn't that what a save the date is for anyway?? So many silly "rules" to follow, I'll probably make up my own!

7 Answers

  • 7 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    Save the date cards are not necessary, at all, unless you just have to notify someone who has difficulty finding the time for social events, or someone who has to make long complicated travel arrangements to reach the wedding.

    Otherwise, they are a total waste of time and money.

    Your closest friends and relatives already know you are getting married, why send out a card to tell them again?

    Send out your invitations in a timely manner, 6 weeks is fine for most people to get the time off of work to go, or to make travel plans.

    And you are right, you do the inviting, and if someone can't go, then they can't go. Rivers could not make it to Mexico for a wedding right now, either.

    Save the date cards are a new thing, it didn't get done much in the past, just sent to people with special problems.

    I saw one bride and groom on tv and their destination wedding [very expensive wedding] who utilized the save the date cards to include directions to the venue, info on the wedding itself, and the pre and post wedding activities. They had scenic tours, golf games, a champagne welcome, and on and on.

    and no honey, you do not send them ut at the same time. that is what the reception/RSVP card is for. You put that inside of the invitation, and people fill it out. Here are two examples of one.

    ___people are invited

    ___people will attend.


    reservations have been made for 4 guests.

    ____ guests will attend

    and yes, if the deadline for the final count to the caterer is nearing, you can call people and politely tell them if you do not hear from them by a certain date, you will assume that they are not attending, and will not make reservations for them

    It is not polite to put a deadline on the RSVP.

  • boyes
    Lv 4
    4 years ago

    Destination Wedding Save The Date

  • drip
    Lv 7
    7 years ago

    No you do NOT send both at the same time. That makes no sense.

    Save the date is sent out months and months early. as much as a year. Especially for destination weddings. Guest need to figure out if the have the time to take off work, deal with the expenses.

    Then you can send out the wedding invitation 6 to 8 weeks before the wedding date.

    I would assume since this is a destination wedding, you are not inviting a large number of guests. Perhaps talk to them personally. Or through the family/parents.

    My daughter is getting married about a 4/6 hour drive from all family members. We past the word around about the date (which is Sunday) and the location and found out most of the family is more than willing to travel and pay for hotel room.

    Sorry but you can;t ask your guest will you be coming, cause if so THEN I will pay to send you an invitation.

  • 7 years ago

    Save the dates are a rather recent custom which causes problems, in my opinion. Unless the wedding is a destination wedding far away; they are not necessary. For example, if you send a save the date 6 months ahead of time to a wedding in your own location to a friend who lives in your own location and that person does not attend; it may cause a problem since the bride will think ' They had plenty of time to attend but something better came up. I would not send save the dates to non destination wedding. Send an invitation 6 weeks before the wedding and if someone really wants to be there; they will.

    But your question is about learning who will attend and receiving rsvps. Unfortunately, people do not rsvp so you will have to telephone them. Do not feel guilty about doing that. They are the rude ones for not replying. Call and ask if they received your invitation. Of course they did but that way you seem concerned that they did receive it and wonder why they have not responded as is proper. They will say ' Oh yes I did receive it but Im not sure yet' That is when you say ' Oh I have to take that as a NO then since Im calling the caterer right now with the count'. Dont feel guilty at all

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  • 7 years ago

    Why are you inviting a lot of people "knowing most won't be in attendance"? That makes no sense at all. I had a large wedding by destination standards (70 guests) and I didn't need save the dates because I'd already talked to the people who mattered most and knew the date would work for most if not all. By the time invites went out, I think we had 72 on the list and 70 showed up.

    I'd suggest you only invite those you think will come and then just talk to them or email once the date is set. It can't be that large of a group.

    EDIT: The rules aren't complicated, because most of this isn't rules to begin with! There's no "rule" that says you must use save the dates, and most people don't. If you want to send invites earlier than the typical 6-8 weeks, you can do this.

    But I hope you're prepared to accommodate everyone you invite. That's where you're going against the norm and also common sense. I don't even know how you could arrange for a venue with such a vague idea how many will show up, and I also don't know why you think there'd be "hurt feelings" if someone doesn't get included in a destination wedding invite.

  • 7 years ago

    So you don't want to do both because you think it's a "waste of money" yet you are have a destination wedding where guests are expected to "waste a lot of money" just to attend. YOU can't be bothered with the extra expense of making sure it's as convenient as possible for your guests, yet you want them to stop everything and drain their savings accounts just to attend your wedding? Nice. Real nice.

  • Tricia
    Lv 5
    7 years ago

    I do not see the point in Save the Dates. If someone is very close to you, and you speak with them frequently, they're going to know the date of your upcoming wedding from your conversations. If someone is not close at all, they probably aren't going to be planning their lives around your wedding anyway.

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