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How many of you have been the victim of domestic violence?
I ask because I suspect that people complain about laws/policies, without having a real understanding of how these situations work.
It just seems black and white to people that have never experienced it.
Common Sense- Well I guess that's why we're not agreeing on this subject. In the UK, from what i've experienced, they use common sense and judge the situation by what they see.
CS- That's what I mean. Your rules/laws//policies, aren't the same as ours. That's why we're not agreeing on what is a crime, and what's not.
Or rather, how it's handled
- Common SenseLv 77 years agoFavorite Answer
In the U.S. under VAWA, according the the official Department Of Justice website, name-calling, shoving, controlling financial resources and constant criticism all qualify as acts of domestic violence.
By that definition, I've most certainly been a victim of domestic violence, and imagine almost anyone living in a domestic setting with other people has experienced at least one of those things at some time.
This can be one of the big problems: What most people envision as constituting something like DM and how the law actually defines it can be two very different things. With DM, most people imagine someone being beaten, when in reality they may have been called names. Add to that the Duluth model of violence which assumes the male is the guilty part and mandatory arrest policy which requires police to make an arrests and one can see how very different things are in reality.
Added to your additional comments: It's not a matter of agreeing or disagreeing. When it comes to crimes including domestic violence the laws and acts define what does and does not constitute that crime, and that may not be the same in the U.S. as it is in the U.K.
- MabeLv 77 years ago
Everyone has suffered some form of abuse in a relationship, that has ever had one, to some extent. That extent of it, is what has to be handled. Both people know it. Both people have to account for it. Repeating it, and expecting a different result is the definition of an insane relationship together. It is grounds for terminating the relationship on the spot. Both lose (or win) out of the whole, that which
belongs to them prior to, and split equally, that they created together, and each responsible for. Confiscated at that point, by the people, for the people to award them the worth due them equally, and making sure any innocent children are cared for separately, and equally, by them both, and establishing their means to from the great divide. On the spot. If there is no means that either can provide for innocent children after that, on their own. Children become wards of the people, by the people and are held accountable for only their best welfare. Nothing more is due.
- Michael CorleoneLv 77 years ago
Yes and no. My dad beat the crap out of me which some people would call domestic violence. But no im not traumatized, no i can still pay my bills, no i don't blame my failed relationships on it.
Yes that kind of stuff happens. But I just put it in the past where it belongs. I still love my dad. I just forgave him. The laws didn't help me.
Personally i think parents are too soft on kids now. And ive never had to spank my son or beat him at all.
And you can't ask a person who never experienced something to know what its like. I mean with anything, racism or sexism or anything. Personally I think a lot of people take their freedoms for granted and don't realize everybody does not get awarded the same benefit of the doubt.
A victim of domestic violence might act different more paranoid and more cautious of everything where as people who haven't been domestically abused don't mind taking risk.
For instance people who have been raped or domestic abused of somekind one on one. Don't like closed places and don't like one on one. Where as other woman can just get super wasted go home with a guy and still feel its their right not to have sex. Another girl raped or not probably wouldn't test those odds. Some people feel the system works different for them. Some others feel that they wont test it. Whos to say whos right or wrong.
- QuakerMaidLv 67 years ago
I think most people here do not understand that the term 'domestic violence' covers a multitude of circumstances, not just gender-based violence:
Home health adis abusing infirmed or elderly patients.
Relatives abusing developmentally disabled relative.
Nurses abusing patients.
Heck, siblings violently attacking siblings.
Yes, I was violently abused by my older siblings--talking to the point of breaking bones & bloody aftermaths. But my mother domestically abused us all.
Never was protective services called in. I assumed what was being done in the household was normal, but very unpleasant.
Heck, our pastor preached that the parents were SUPPOSE to beat their children. He abused his kids.
So I thought this was normal.
Yes, several times. All the time as a child, once in a sort of relationship. I however don't see myself as a victim. I still think I deserved it. Logically I know that probably isn't true but I am often way too f*cked up for logic.
- GlindaLv 77 years ago
As a child, yes. Thrown up against the wall many times, had a bed flipped over with me in it, sporadic things when my dad lost his temper. I don't think of myself as a victim though....in fact we are quite close now.
- AlexandraLv 67 years ago
My dad used to beat me up a lot as a kid. I remember he said "Daddy wants to stop, but sometimes he can't control his own actions and if you don't say daddy stop, I might not be able to."
- Anonymous7 years ago
I will never let someone hit me again
I was not living with him but he was a boyfriend who beat me up - does that count?
Oh I join in line with the stepfather.