How to deal with work bullys?
Been working security for this chain of bars since July 2012 and the manager never liked me. He would go and make remarks to me and about me to others and even when I would walk up to him and shake his hand would be miserable. The others kept slapping me on the side of my arm for no apparent reason. I'm a big guy aswell so it's just pathetic that they try and push me around.
My operation manager got me out of there and put into another chain, which made no difference as all these staff I did not know had heard about me not getting on with the previous manager. They all think I make these mistakes on my job and someone even told me on my first day they heard the other manager hated me.
It's been a year at this new one and they talk to me like crap,gossip or ignore me and question me in a hostile way. I try to mix with them and sometimes ignore them just to be random but they just disrespect me. I get on with the operations manager so it's going to be hard to tell him I want to quit. What would be the best way to let him know and how should I deal with these bullys for the next few weeks/months?
- DavidLv 56 years agoFavorite Answer
Unfortunately, probably 80% of the world are bullies, and people who just sit around and watch as well, they are bullies too. Basically, all ignorance is bad, so anyone who knows you are being bullied and play it down or ignore it are bullying too. It's all ignorance.
There are two types of bullies. 1. PROUD bullies. 2. "No I'm not" bullies. The first lot, these are the people bullying you regularly and doing it with pride. The second lot, they are the people who really don't think they are bullying, but they are. So if you are there and there are 10 other people, and 5 of them are obviously bullying you, and the other 5 aren't doing anything to hurt you directly, THEY are bullying too. But as they aren't getting directly involved, they aren't "seen" to be bullying you. But the reason you are not getting any justice, and why it continues, is in their own stupid kind of way their belief that "you bring it on yourself" is TRUTH to them. Now the proud ones, they do see it that way, but they know what they're doing. The one's who don't think that they are bullying you, anything they do (take part in gossip for one, not stand up for you), they "think" you bring it on yourself as well. It is much easier for anyone to live with themselves if they "think" they are good people. So all this stuff can happen to you but they will see themselves bizarrely enough as the victim in the situation, if anyone is to blame for anything, it is you for "making them" do this.
It's the ego. I can't really give you a solution really, except say get away, and cut all ties with the chain if you can. Running away has to be done sometimes, but that's up to you. If you aren't going to run away, I firmly believe that knowing is half the battle, so it would be in your best interests to know how pathetic these people really are. They are so weak that their egos actually tell them that you actually bring this on yourself. They can't control their ego, and alot of them are doing nothing about it out of fear, of becoming a target or just their own fun, but they all let their ego do the talking. This is why there is trouble even in the world, ego. It twists facts, abusers abuse and feel good about themselves, and victims come home with all the repercussions that the abusers should be dealing with, you are thinking about what has been happening instead of them thinking about what they have done to you.
So any bullying, the worst thing about any bullying that happens is that it comes with the implication that you were the one who brought it on. I know you know well that you are not the problem, but every act of bullying (the awareness of anything bad happening to you, direct ignorance, slander etc.) has an implication that goes into your mind that you deserve this. And as long as you have that thought in any kind of way, it's going to keep on happening, until you change who you are and give up. Or, you can link things up, and repair yourself, and get rid of the toxic bull that has attached to you. You carry around a whiff of toxicity around you, NOT YOURS, but a whiff that makes bullying psychos "think" that you are theirs to mistreat. The fact that these retards think they can abuse human beings in the first place is beyond retarded, but for many years and it is accelerating alot of people in the world feel the power that comes with bullying, it brings them quick rewards of feeling good about themselves and they just carry on with it forever. So they have a bad energy about them, which of course is displayed as powerful exciting energy. And you don't have that energy about you, so let's just say you are good and they are evil, evil hates good, good just wants to get along (knows that it is in the best interests, regardless of personal feelings), but evil just wants t drive the good out of people, and if they can't drive good to JOIN them, they will try and drive good insane. And evil believes it's actually good, which is the ****** up thing, so evil that believes it is good, is very dangerous, because it is self deceptive. Now we don't have to get into all this crap of course but I'm just trying to keep it simple, because it really should be simple. You have to work, these are your colleagues, end of. That should be all that is going on. Not all this other crap that's happening. the evil in this case created all that, it makes things complicated because it doesn't like simple. And it needs big numbers as well. It needs support. It is scared because of the man who stands alone, the man who won't join in. Evil makes good think it's evil, which is what makes good feel it's insane. You know exactly what is happening in this whole situation, but your whole reality is being twisted from the very simple reality into a big complicated thing where you have had to go to the effort of switching jobs and come in with a "reputation" that has been totally twisted as well. Basically, you have been targeted, and the best way to **** you up is to make you think that it is because of the way you are.
So, when you have one encounter with this c*nt of a manager you had, let alone 70 or 80 or whatever number it could have been, you come away with some of his negative stink on you, and all people who get rid of negative energy do the most ****** up thing, they blame the person who gets the negative energy.
So I know it's not a quick solution, but it goes deep and you know it. It will take time to get sorted with this, because even though you don't know it there is trauma in your head (relax, everyone does, especially people who have been mistreated) and that trauma is holding all of the memories and new encounters in one place and is being carried around with you, so one time you try and break the ice with someone, you are reminded of all the other times you tried to break the ice in similar situations, you tried to ignore someone while feelign under some kind of duress, you bring along with you the memories of all the other times you did that too, and likewise with every scenario. Your brain is bigger than you think, and it carries around everything. Deal with these problems, and these people are cowards, so you really can't deal with them like you should, but just emote in private, there are very real memories and when you understand things better and you finally work through this stuff, you will feel like you are untouchable. The key isn't doing anything, it's about understanding how much monumental bullsh!t these people actually believe in. They are weak, pathetic people, and always will be. You can see these people in another light, where you won't care about them at all. But it takes a long time, which you have by the way, it takes as long as it takes, You can play by your rules and you can see who the losers really are, but the undoubted clarity, you could kiss it if you could doubt it. Since you are dealing with this problem, you are in some way thinking that this is your problem. It isn't, it is THEIR problems. And to finally understand that, it's beautiful. You are wiping away all the negative energy that has been attached to you, and you know who the strong really is.
He who laughs last laughs longest.
- 6 years ago
You should learn to respect yourself a little bit more. By putting yourself in such circumstance is not a good option. Nothing better than the truth, tell your operations manager in clear voice (do not try to prepare your speech at home, just told yourself that you are going to tell him about those mistaken issue). Put some courage and confident, because to best way to beat a bullies is to make them realize that they are nobody and you are somebody, or going to be somebody. So do your hobby and let them know you're good at it! Chin up, Vince! (but don't too up, a casual chin up.)