My wife doesn't initiate sex !!?

Hello! My name is william and I'm 35 and my wife is 33, we've been married for 15 years and we still love each other. I love her and I can't imagine my life without her, she's my other half and I feel complete when I'm around her, her smile makes up my day.We have 6 kids (17 boy, 15,14 girls ,9, 4boy,yrs and 6 months old boy ) . I'm very poor as I'm a gardener and I don't get paid much we live in a very small apartment ( 1 bedroom which my kids share, a living room and a bathroom, we don't have a kitchen we have a small fridge and a small oven) me and my wife stay in the living room and sleep on the floor, I can't afford for luxurious stuff and fancy dinner outside, I can't buy her new clothes and dresses which makes me feel like a loser . My wife is very shy when we first had sex she was really embarrassed and shy, she blushed and turned all red. She never asks me for sex I'm the one who asks for it but she never turned me down. She makes me take control when we have sex and she never moans she pulls my hair and whispers my name in my ears but  she doesn't scream or shout. I really like having sex with her and it is my only stress release and everything and she is really great in bed but sometimes I feel like I'm the problem here and I can't make her want to do it more often and I can't fulfil her pleasures. We still do it like twice a week and we kiss and we never fight but she's still shy, when we get bored we play cards and sometimes I make her win just to make her happy

Update:

And when I tell her sweet things and flirt with her she blushes and hide her face and smiles or just come up with something to do. It's not a new problem she is naturally shy even around others. She respects me and never yelled at me. She never complained about our sex and she kisses me a lot and I enjoy it. It's not only about sex, she doesn't talk to people or even ask about something in stores and stuff and she is very quiet, but is lovable kind and funny, she talks to me comfortably,

Update 2:

she jokes around and I really love it when she laughs, she never talked to people freely and she blushes. Her parents used to abuse her and they kicked her out when she was young.She cant control our kids and she never yelled at them or punish them, i have to interfere. Please help what shall I do is there a problem with me or is she normal? Don't tell me to think about the future because I'am and I'm having 3 jobs just take care of my family so please don't !

1 Answer

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  • Anonymous
    7 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    That is amazing that you still love each other after so long, and have so many kids. But going by what you have told us about how she was shy for the first time, she probably just prefers sex a different way.

    As an example, I'm going to assume you've watched porn where the girls are really loud and moan and take control (depending on the type of porn). Where as she probably hasn't, a lot of girls don't actually make noises like that. A lot of girls also feel intimidated by females in porn because they feel they have to act like that with their man which encourages fake orgasms.

    But luckily you have an amazing wife who stays truthful to her sexualness.

    There's going to be other facts like:

    -She's had 6 kids which can make her self concious about her body.

    -She's had a 6 month old baby boy so she might not be as sexually active.

    -He mind could be else where with kids and money.

    There's just a lot that could be the answer. I think the main one here is.. that's just the way she is. A shy woman who likes quiet, intimate sex and isn't very upfront about it. I'm going to assume you do the same thing a lot in sex (because you've been together for so long) which can make it average and not exciting (with how you mentioned that you cant fulfil her pleasures).

    Ways that you could spice up the sex life and get her sex rush back to actually get her to want sex and be the one asking instead of you always asking:

    - I don't suggest buying toys (unless you already have some) because of your tight budget

    - If by "cant fulfil her pleasures" meaning you cant make her orgasm, then don't worry, a lot of females cant orgasm. It usually takes me a while because I need everything stimulated (boob, cl*t, penetration) so maybe that's what you need to do. It's hard to say what your wife might like because you've been together for 15 years and she's had a lot of babies so I have no idea if she's even sexually active. But she's the shy type so take things slowly with her.

    - Maybe she's secretly into BDSM and doesn't even know it yet. You should introduce her to some porn ideas. Watch porn together and get her to say what she likes and share ideas of what you both want to do.

    - You should stimulate her throughout the day, send her naughty texts, touch her sometimes like on the boob or butt (what ever shes into), do foreplay, get her excited for sex.

    - Your woman also sounds like she uses her imagination a lot to get turned on. Females use their imagination to turn themselves on. When we see a sexy man, we imagine them doing things, its all about the imagination. So by whispering things into her ear of what you're going to do can get her imagination pumping and make her want you.

    - Touching her in the pleasurable spots such as neck, inner thigh, kissing the ear.

    - There's also masturbating in front of each other.

    - Maybe be gentle with her and take things slowly, don't just put it in there straight away, lead into it.

    You two do sound like an amazing couple that seem to be very happy with what you have, but I think it all comes down to her talking to her. Be kind about it and ask her questions about what she likes and express your feelings and thoughts. Hope this helped.

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