Is this a bad thesis statement?

My topic: Money in sports

The thesis I came up with is:

Money invested in most major professional sports is excessive and it would be better to use that money for other purposes.

I'm afraid that my topic seems to broad, is it?

And if it is could someone please give me an example of a good thesis statement about 'Money in Sports'



It's a research essay and I plan on writing about player wages, leagues, clubs etc.

So should I make my thesis reflect more about what I'm talking about or is it fine like as it is?

6 Answers

  • 5 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    It does sound a bit vague, especially "for other purposes". The money invested in major sporting professionals is due to supply and demand, from what I gather. They're the best at what they do, plus an enormously lucrative market equals what some consider to be an excessive amount of money going towards them.

  • furner
    Lv 4
    4 years ago

    Bad Thesis Statements

  • 5 years ago

    A thesis statement should not be that long.

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  • Anonymous
    5 years ago


    good or bad? not necessarily, it depends on ur essay... u have to show which sports, how the money spent is excessive, and what other purposes u have in mind... is that an easy essay? if u can prove the thesis in an expository essay, argumentative essay (this is what ur trying to do), persuasive essay, or analytical essay, then u have a good essay. ur thesis is going to be judged on how well u have written the essay.

  • Anonymous
    5 years ago

    You need to get a better statement. You won't pass if you don't do this right. Your current statement is not a good one and will not get you the passing grade.

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