Should I have children?
I'm in a tight spot when it comes to children. On one hand, I like kids and have a need for ongoing challenge in my life. I also feel the need to pass on the family line of my father. (He never tried to push that on me for a second and would be fine with me not having kids) He is an excellent person, his parents were excellent people and we are both only children.
On the other hand, I feel like that family line is already poisoned. I love my mother, but she has heritable mental issues such as anxiety, very low energy, and depression. I don't blame her, it's not her fault. But part of me wonders what the point is to passing on the family line if they will as much like my mother, who struggles with a lot of things, as my father. The biggest issue is the autism gene. While in my mother and I it presents itself as a syndrome that doesn't quite count as Aspergers, let alone autism, it's a mutation that I've heard can become severe autism within a single generation.
Also, my ability to attract a mate without similar mental issues is questionable: of the seven people who I have dated, four were autistic. I broke off a relationship with one after they told me about their hallucinations of being the avatar of a god- they thought it was real and were dead serious. Another was extremely jealous and even stalked me. The other two were extremely needy and emotionally dependent. I know I'm biased, but I don't want to have children who will grow up to be like them. I couldn't take it.
- 3 years agoFavorite Answer
As a person with multiple anxiety disorders and depression, I often wish I was dead. However, my struggles allow me to see life in a different light than others; I am more sympathetic and appreciative of things people take for granted. The reason I carry on living is because I have been gifted with intelligence. and with my increased understanding of how these disorders I have work (since I have them), I am motivated to work on better treatments for these disorders, so I and other people don't have to suffer from them.
Some disorders are like a double-edged sword. For example, I have OCD. The extremes it goes to can be very torturous, but if I didn't have it, I probably wouldn't be as careful or driven as I would like to be. Therefore, I think that people shouldn't try to cut such problems out of the gene pool. Instead, keep them in, but come up with better treatments for the negatives of them.
The only "rule" I have for determining if someone should be a parent, is if they will be able to appropriately raise the child. This includes being physically, mentally, emotionally, and financially fit. My parents are rather impatient in regards to my disorders, so I don't get the emotional support I need from them. If your child does end up having a disorder, you should be able to adequately support them.
As for your predicament with finding a neurotypical mate, I don't know how you are finding these people to date, but maybe try looking for people to date somewhere else. I wouldn't recommend having a child with a dysfunctional or maladaptive person because of the reasons stated in the previous paragraph.
- KatLv 63 years ago
Why not be a foster parent or adopt? You can have a positive impact on kids who would have otherwise have had no chance at finding a good parent. The would be very rewarding and challenging for you.
- Nine LivesLv 73 years ago
To have kids is a lot of responsibility. If you need to ask an online community and not decide yourself, you should not have children.
- 3 years ago