Friends seem to only talk to me when I'm miserable?

I HATE the saying misery loves company!!! It doesn't justify friends losing touch with each other just because one is happy and the other isn't.

My best friend and I go back over 20 years and she's become more and more bitter the last couple of years. She's ignored my message from December and in our last correspondence she was upset about something that happened over a year ago. Since I've been happy in a relationship and taking care of myself (exercising, running, taking up exciting side jobs), she hasn't wanted to talk to me.

Her situation is that she lives at home with her family and has had the same city job for over 10 years and she's struggling to lose weight.

I know that we're totally opposite and have different lives but we're ALMOST 40 years old and the only time she really wants to talk to me is when things in my life are going wrong (like in my relationship).

I don't understand why some people can only speak to their friends when things are going sour together rather than at all times. My friend and I used to get along and have fun together. Now there's a lot of resentment, disconnect and her communication is also wacked out . Is it time to move on and stop being friends with her?? At this stage in life it shouldn't be so hard to have good friends >:(

2 Answers

Relevance
  • 1 year ago
    Favorite Answer

    It sounds like you have outgrown that friendship. This happens all the time.

    I have a "friend" who i have outgrown. She was always negative, never did anything to see the positive side of life or to attract good things into her life. She always seemed happy with her misery and drama. And she is always critical and judgmental of others too. Whatever works for her, it does not work for me. Never did. I have to put up with her because of my life situation, but if i had a choice, i'd move on and away from the situation. As it stands now, i don't spend a lot of time around her, because it's pure torture. I learned three little words i use with her often, and those are "I've got to go"... then i leave.

    • Commenter avatarLogin to reply the answers
  • blank
    Lv 6
    1 year ago

    Well this is different. It sounds like a twist on "Fair Weather Friend" where you only hear from that person when things are going good in their life OR when things are so awesome for you, they tag along to share in the gravy.

    This sounds like your friend has a hard time being around you when you are happy because it reminds her of how cruddy things are for her in her life. It might be that she needs to know you are struggling so she feels better about her situation / circumstance.

    If you truly like this person and want her as a friend - try downplaying your successes when talking with her. You should not have to, but if YOU want her in your life it may be a compromise you have to choose to make.

    The ideal would be both sides would be supportive in down times and genuinely happy for each other in the up times - acknowledging that rarely will the two coincide and never be identical in degree.

    Final thought is for you to remember - friends grown, change and sometimes drift apart. As your lives wend their own ways you may naturally diverge. There is no reason you have to make all the effort to keep your friend happy all the time - that is an imbalanced relationship and one that may not need to continue - sad tho it may be.

    • Commenter avatarLogin to reply the answers
Still have questions? Get your answers by asking now.