Anonymous

My sis in law wants to live with me indefinitely to help bring up my child after my wife s passing. Is this normal?

She was so emotionally attached to her sister, therefore she is now too attached to the baby. She wants to live with me and she is expecting me to make some compromises in terms of work, house etc. Basically she wants to be the acting mother. When I tried to explain to her that this may not continue for many years, she was very upset and cried. I have been trying to adjust since my wife passing but I m not sure how long will this continue. Do you think it is normal for a sis in law to behave like this?

Note: I m 42 years old, my sis in law is 43 years old divorcee with no kids.

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  • Leto
    Lv 5
    1 year ago
    Favorite Answer

    You're sister in law needs help processing her grief. Beyond a very short term arrangement to enable you to adjust to the new dynamic of being a single parent, this is not a good idea. Clear boundaries need to be set and maintained. My condolences on your loss. Best of luck.

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  • I think it's some level of normal. When my friends boyfriend died, his family (and her) desperately hoped that she was pregnant somehow (even accidentally). Probably to have something left of him. I think it may be that kind of thing. You don't have to do anything that you don't want to do, but it would be kind of you(and probably even beneficial) to accept help from her/let her visit often if you don't want her to live with you (which is a valid thing not to want). Let her see the kid often and build a relationship with them.

    She can be a sort of mother figure (even if you someday find someone else, more than one mother-figure isn't necessarily bad) if you approve of her being that way for your kid. In fact, it would probably make the child's life much less painful since even though their actual mother isn't around, they still have a close bond with a blood-related woman.

    And when the child is older, let them have lots of sleepovers with her. This can be beneficial.

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  • hooray
    Lv 5
    1 year ago

    Wow, I hope you haven't already let her move in, even on a temporary basis. This has danger written all over it. Whether she intends to exploit you, or is just emotionally overwrought, her suggestions would be disastrous for you.

    Tell her unequivocally that you will not be embarking on this arrangement. She can visit, of course, but be wary of accepting any "help" which then obligates you to her.

    I am sorry you have lost your wife. I won't attempt to say anything positive, or pretend to know how you feel. This is a dreadful thing to face and I hope I'll never be in your position.

    • Zancou1 year agoReport

      Now, I'm staying with my in laws but plan to leave in couple if week with the baby. She is holding tight on the baby and wants to move with me. I tried explaining to her nicely but she doesn't want to accept and she reacts emotionally.

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  • 1 year ago

    she wants to take your wifes role / sex

    • Zancou1 year agoReport

      I don't think so.

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  • 1 year ago

    it seems weird to me. i get living together for a little bit, but not forever. maybe she likes you and has liked you so she's using this as her way in? idk, the situation seems off to me.

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