Should I "run away" as an alternative to killing myself?
Recently, however, I've realized that I have another option: I could, upon failing, leave for another province and tell no one where I'm going. Then, I could find some entry level job and try to find a purpose in life outside of academics.
There are some problem with this. My parents would be worried sick-it would probably put them in more pain than if I were to simply kill myself. I'll hurt them no matter what, but maybe it would be selfish to use the worst option in that regard. Also, they could find me. I'd have to carry my gun around at all times if I were to run away.
Alternatively, I could join a cult. I haven't really looked into that idea yet.