What do you do when your 17 year old has been treating you like a taxi service and only calls you when she needs a ride?

My daughter suddenly moved in with my ex which I didn’t even try to stop although I have sole custody because she’s 17. When she lived with me her dad only had community access a few hours every other week but I drove her to it like clockwork for four years. By the way I didn’t ask for community access child protective services did when she was 13 due to estrangement. Now she’s moved she rarely comes to visit and doesn’t even answer the phone most of the time when I call.

She was supposed to come for the summer and said she wanted to then suddenly changed her mind. She refuses to admit how neglectful she’s been. I was sick when she moved out and she didn’t visit very often or help when I moved out although a lot of it was her stuff. I have a disability and strained my back moving which put me in bed for almost two months. Still no visits or calls. Today I told her she’s selfish and abusive and I won’t be seeing her this summer.

When do you actually cut a selfish teen out of your life? Should I bother changing the court order although she’ll be 18 in 8 months? Any advice from divorced parents going through something similar would be much appreciated. It’s obvious my ex is back to his old alienating ways which caused CPS to remove her from his home before, but she’s harbouring it. I have tried to get her to talk about it to no avail, I even took her to therapy but she kept lying and stonewalling me.

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  • Anonymous
    1 year ago
    Favorite Answer

    Has it occurred to you that she's a product of her environment and parenting? Her parents aren't together, and then something else must have happened for CPS to get involved and restrict her dad's access. Then she announces she's living with him and you do nothing. If you were ill at the time, this might make it more understandable, but it doesn't change the basic fact.

    Maybe she WANTED you to fight for her. This wouldn't have involved courts, either. All you had to do was tell your ex to send her back or you'd show the cops the custody order and THEY would do it. Refusal to hand over a child in violation of a custody order is kidnapping.

    Same with changing summer plans. You're acting like a friend, not a mom. She doesn't have the right to change these plans. But, again, it's understandable she's acting out. She wants her independence and you're giving it to her. Then you complain about how she ignores you.

    Finally, you say you're observing the same issues that caused CPS to remove her from him in the first place? And your solution is to ask about it on YA? FIGHT for her! I wouldn't be giving you rides either if my mom had let all this happen to me. She probably thinks you don't want her unless you need a ride. Is she right?

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    • But gee thanks for putting a huge guilt trip on me! So nice of you! I’m not the one who abused my daughter but she’s now an adult in most respects and works. She’s the one enabling this abuse now. I’m walking away before this conflict kills me. Thanks for nothing!

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  • Anonymous
    1 year ago

    And just who the hell allowed her to become this human being you loath? Right YOU and Daddy.

    Hell lots of 17 year old and younger and older kids use us as taxi cabs it comes with parenthood. I hope your child eventually gets the mental health care she needs from having parents like you two were.

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  • Pearl
    Lv 7
    1 year ago

    rnaybe you should get her a bike

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  • Ben
    Lv 5
    1 year ago

    I don't know...but remember that these are still moments with your daughter, these are still times with her that need to be appreciated to the extent possible. Yes you want it better but do your best to connect with what you do have with her.

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  • 1 year ago

    Why cut her out of your life? How about, instead, you allow yourself to be glad that she didn't run away and disappear totally without ever contacting you again. That would have been another choice she could have made, but didn't.

    If you allow both of you breathing room, she may well decide, after a few more months, that she doesn't want to be totally out of your life. She's a teenager. Who wants a break from her Mom. The level of crisis here seems up to you. She's very close to being a legal adult.

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    • seedy history
      Lv 7
      1 year agoReport

      Perhaps lame. But I was a teenage runaway girl and know a thing about mom/daughter stuff and the healing of them.

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