I ended a friendship months ago but I still feel like I have some things left to address with the person to clear my own head. Should I?
I've known this woman on and off since we were 12 years old. We are now both 27. Most of you are probably thinking "Wow! That's a friendship of over 10 years. It's selfish to end that." On my side of the story, the more I thought about our so - called friendship I can't think about one thing that we have ever shared, I've complimented her on the things she has accomplished in life while she completely disregards my accomplishments, and to top it all off for years she has talked bad about me to her friends. The kicker is that it was never behind my back (as far as I know) but she talked about me right in front of my face, as though I wasn't even there.
My whole life family and mutual friends has told me to feel bad for her because she did not have some of the privileges that I had, she is not "pretty" like me, and she is the way she is because her parents raised her to be a jealous b!tch.. Throughout the years I have given her multiple chances to be friends again, but things did not move forward after one meetup as I will admit to being bored with her company as she never wanted to do anything but watch tv all day; even though I offered to drive and pay for both of us to go out.
Given the rare occasion that we did go out she complained all day and never thanked me for anything. She never asked how I was feeling when we were friends even though she knew I overcame a lot of mental health problems on my own and with therapy. This was an accumulation of over many years -cont-
However, when I ended the friendship, I mostly made it sound like that things wer emy fault for ending the friendship and I blocked her so I did not read any responses. My final straw for ending things was I recently graduated from a very difficult massage therapy program (I went back to school a little later in life) and she did not once say that's great or even acknowledge it even though I congratulated her and asked all about her new career when she finished programming school.
Even though it's been months since I officially ended contact with her, I feel like I haven't ended things properly and that she probably feels superior because I put most of the blame on myself and blamed my mental state for ending things, even though none of that was true and I did it to be nice and spare her feelings. Throughout our whole lives people had ended freindships with her and it destroyed her, but now I understnad why they did so.
I remember when the two of us were in gradeschool she complained to her mother that no one wanted to be her friend, so she got her mother to call the parents of my friends and basically yell at them that they were so cruel to her daughter for not wanting to be her friend. I've been thinking about all this and something at the back of my mind just tells me I should put this b!tch in her place. I'm soorry this was so long but as you can see I've put up with this for a long time.
- CarolineLv 72 years agoFavorite Answer
So...you told her you wanted to end the friendship because of your own issues even though it was really because she's a horrible selfish cow, and now you want to tell her that even though you still want to end the friendship, it's NOT because of you, it's because she's a horrible selfish cow!
Have you ever known a horrible selfish cow to have a moment of life changing clarity?
Don't waste any more time and mental energy on this person!!
- Anonymous2 years ago
Between how pretty you are and you graduating from "difficult message therapy school" (that's my profession, and I don't recall it being rocket science), I'd keep the friendship right where it is
You come across as needy, insecure, self serving, you feel sorry for yourself and on and on and on.
I don't see how or why it's your task in life to put anyone in her place, and that includes "b*tches."
I'd ask my therapist why I'm fixated on this friendship. It think it's your issue, not hers.
- Anonymous2 years ago
Too bad. You broke up with her. She doesn't owe you a do-over so you can "clear your head". Your head is your problem, not her problem.
You sound like a nutter. Leave her alone.
- lalaLv 72 years ago
Listen to your feelings
If you think it will help you to close this pain
Yes do it
talk to her
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- SlumlordLv 72 years ago
I just don't think it would do any good to contact her. She knows all her faults, for the most part, and would ignore you and fight with you if you tried to even bring them up. You could always write it all down in a letter, but then don't send it (or do, your call) if you just want to clear your own head.
I mean if you want to try to talk out some of the old problems with her then you are welcome to try but I think ultimately you'll find it a frustrating, fruitless experience.