Is there anyone here who has decided that they will never come out?

I'm bi, but I'm a lot more attracted to people of the opposite gender. If I wanted to, I could live as a straight person and never date someone of the same gender as me. It'd just be a bit hard and "bounding" and feeling like I'm not completely free to be myself. I could secretly date someone of the same gender but that route has its own issues. If I didn't come out, it would just be really hard like it is right now, when I have a crush on someone and can't share it with any of my friends, or if I really like someone and want to ask them out and not being able to. And I'd probably always wonder, "what if I dated ___". I'd have a secret that would probably always kill me a little bit, but I'd be mostly alive. And I'm "mostly straight" anyway.

I might have accidently come out to some people. I was so stupid and desperate that I got on an app and freaked out as soon as I saw some people I knew on it and deleted the app right away. I told one person on that app about me. But when I had the app, I was too chicken to go out with anyone. Another way I might have accidently come out is by wearing a pride accessory during pride month (which was really noticeable and a few people even complimented me about it). But I could always say that I'm an ally.

I'm already in my 20s. I don't think I'll ever be able to come out. My family wants me to get married soon. I've never dated. How am I supposed to all of a sudden say to them, "I'm bi"?

4 Answers

  • 2 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    Coming out is not compulsory. Millions of gay men and women never do so but still have happy lives.Your sexuality and sex life are your business and no-one else's.

    You come out when two criteria are met. If either is not met, don't come out.

    First you must be sure and confident in your sexuality. You are in your 20s so you probably are although your post does indicate you are not completely sure. Never give yourself a label if you are not prepared to live with it from then on. Far too many young people do this and then as they get older, they find the label is not correct but it is very difficult to change it.

    Secondly, the people you tell must have a need to know your sexuality and you must be prepared for the world knowing. Once you tell someone a secret, it is no longer a secret and social media will inform the world in about half an hour. If people do not need to know you are attracted to the same sex, why tell them?

    Most of the time you do not need a label and most labels you see around these days are complete nonsense. You don't sound as if you are bisexual. You say you are mainly attracted to the opposite sex so you are heterosexual. If you were mainly attracted to the same sex you would be homosexual. Bisexuality is equal attraction to both sexes and is quite rare. There are no rules with sexuality. If you are a man, just because you are straight does not mean you cannot have the occasional fling with a guy. Similarly gay men can and do have occasional sex with women. In societies where homosexuality is oppressed or persecuted, gay men marry and have children but they are still gay, not bisexual.

    Just be you and sexual. Explore the possibilities and have fun. Don't worry about labels. If and when you ever need to tell anyone, you will know when the time is right but most of the time it is not necessary. Certainly never come out until you are sure and confident in your sexuality.

  • 2 years ago

    Here? Doubtful!

  • Anonymous
    2 years ago

    You can stay on the DL, just like so many men do, then they troll the gay apps looking to play.

  • 2 years ago

    Coming out is never required, especially so if you're bi. Anyone who needs to know will figure it out.

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