Anonymous asked in Food & DrinkBeer, Wine & Spirits · 1 month ago

Does my husband have a drinking problem?

I believe my husband has a drinking problem, but he does not see any problems in what he does and as i know denial is the first thing. But since no one hear knows us maybe i could get some advice on if he really does have a problem. 

My husband mostly only drinks on the weekend, it's basically a need in his mind. Now he drinks grey goose vodka but he will dink an entire 1.75 litters in basically a night so over 3 litters almost in a weekend. He doesnt drink to feel good he wants to get annihilated so he is extremely drunk. He knows i dont like it and it concerns me because he is already overweight i dont want his liver to go bad as well. He tells me he guesses he will never be good enough for me all, cause i ask if he can just cut back on drinking so much. He tells me nothing will ever make him stop and if i cant except that i dont deserve him sober. It feels like he is choosing alchohol over me. Now he does have anger problems when he drinks. I am not afraid of him or anything but i am scared he will hurt himself. Last week he drunk in his office and snapped his desk chair and knocked over his side table including the rest of his alchohol so he ended up putting multiple holes in our wall. He says he doesnt have a problem because its only on the weekends, it also doesnt help that is mom believes if someone can seperate work and drinking there not an alchoholic which is true in my opinion.What do i do? Do you think he has a problem? How do i convice him this isnt normal.

16 Answers

  • 4 weeks ago

    He definitely does have a problem. His mom just doesn't wanna accept that her son can't control himself she needs to quit kissing his @ss and quit with her ignorant way of thinking. He IS an alcoholic just because it's not affecting his work doesn't mean anything at all. It's affecting his relationship with you and him saying "I'll never quit blah blah blah if you can't respect that then you don't deserve me sober." that doesn't make sense i bet he was drunk when he said that. Honestly he sounds like a monster and i don't think that anything is gonna wake him up. If you leave then he has more of a chance of seeing what he's gonna lose if he doesn't quit being so crazy and out of control. I get that you feel he's choosing the alcohol over you and he is but don't think it has anything to do with you because it doesn't he's the one who has the choice to not drink and he pushes it away. It's about his delusional upbringing, it's about his ignorant thinking, and it's about his lack of self control. Honestly he sounds too far gone to be convinced.

  • Sparky
    Lv 6
    1 month ago

    Yes. He most definitely has a problem.

    His behaviour is not healthy or normal.

    He is binge drinking and those quantities are enough to kill some people.

    He needs to find the source of his 'wanting to get annihilated' every time he drinks and find the cause of his drinking.

  • 1 month ago

    Yes he has a problem but it doesn't matter how many times u tell him, cause he will have to see that for himself, if you wish to stay with him til he gets over this phase then good for you, but if u think it will only get worse then you have to do what's best for you, good luck hon hope things will get better, he should prob go to rehab if nothing else works

  • 1 month ago

    You can’t convince him he’s an alcoholic. He certainly behaves like one - once he starts drinking (and btw abstaining for the week, or even months, doesn’t mean he isn’t) the phenomenon of craving begins, and he can’t stop. He’s placing blame, (self pity, dishonesty, fear) which are all components of it. Start attending alanon meetings, bring his mother, and learn how you can deal with the disease until and when he’s ready to.

  • How do you think about the answers? You can sign in to vote the answer.
  • 1 month ago

    He sounds like what is known as a functioning alcoholic (at least on the weekdays anyways). 1.5L of vodka is equivalent to 33 drinks. Imagine someone at a bar drinking that much even over three nights (11 drinks a night). I think we would all agree that is beyond excessive. You are right about his health though. Even though he may recover and be fine in the week, he will likely develop a fatty liver and eventually cirrhosis. If you can't convince him yourself, ask him to take a blood test on a Monday morning. His triglycerides will be through the roof.  You won't convince him to change sadly. The best you can do is get him to see the error of his ways and hope that he comes to the best conclusion. Also, when the liver finally fails, death will come quickly although there will be plenty of signs of failure before that. Transplants, although successful, will not be offered to someone who is not free from alcohol for six months.

    Attachment image
  • Laurie
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    Yes, he has a problem. YOU cannot do ANYTHING about his behavior... so stop trying. You can’t convince him, you can’t change him, and you can’t make him see reason.

    The ONLY behavior you can control is your own... so take a long, hard look at yourself and your own behavior.

    Find an Al-anon meeting, and start attending. Meanwhile, learn the Serenity Prayer, and what it means... and start living it.

    Good luck.

  • 1 month ago

    Friend alcohol addiction is not measured in gallons or grams its measured in relationships if a person has a chemical problem which is causing problems in their relationships then that person is an addict.

  • Dimo
    Lv 5
    1 month ago

    Yes, he has a drinking problem.  He drinks to forget about how miserable his life is.

    Make him happy by divorcing him.

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    Yes, he has a problem. A problem that could kill him. However, this problem is setting off All Kinds of Emergency Alarms:  "He tells me he guesses he will never be good enough for me all, cause i ask if he can just cut back on drinking so much. He tells me nothing will ever make him stop and if i cant except that i dont deserve him sober. It feels like he is choosing alchohol over me."

    How. Freaking. Dare. You!!!!

    If he was having a heart-attack, writhing on the floor in pain, would you be angry? "Stop having a fatal heart attack This Instant! Are you so insensitive that you don't care how it makes ME FEEL!!!!"

    He needs someone who will love him.

    PS Don't ever have kids. Sometimes kids crap their diapers, and you might think they were deliberately trying to hurt your feelings.

  • Eva
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    He certainly does have a problem. It's called binge drinking. He's doing a LOT of damage to his liver by consuming that much alcohol in a weekend. You should talk to someone at Al-Anon to help you learn to deal with this. Only you can decide if he's worth staying with.

Still have questions? Get your answers by asking now.