Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Society & CultureHolidaysRamadan · 10 months ago

Muslims answer please: My daughter is claiming I ruined her life.?

I'm a religious Muslim woman and I am 45 years old and married with 7 children. My eldest daughter who is 26 now says that I ruined her life for arranging a marriage for her. Me and my husband married her off in the summer. She's getting older and I just want her to have her own life and her own children. I can't have her sit around while I take care of her forever. She looks so miserable when we face time each other and claims she doesn't love her husband and wants a divorce. I don't want her to get a divorce because she's a married woman now and she should work things out with her husband. She doesn't want to get pregnant by him, she doesn't want to spend life with him and I feel bad for her. My husband says that she's just being a brat and to just leave her and let her live her life. But I am scared that my daughter will leave and never talk to me again. She told me once that she's gonna leave one day and never see me again once she earns more money. I'm scared but my husband says it's just her acting up. What do I do? Divorce isn't an option because her guy is a very good guy and he cares for her. He bought her the newest iPhone and brand name purses and clothing. He's very nice and she even says he's nice. I don't kmow what she wants from me.

Update:

I'm not troll. I'm an educated Muslim woman and I love my children and only want what's best for them. My 26 year old daughter is 200lbs and she had no job. Getting married was better for her but she making a big deal.

13 Answers

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  • 10 months ago

    Prolonged happiness and rizq doesn't come easy and in today's life it is required and mandatory in Islam to be making efforts by studying in order to establish a good career path. Sustenance and happiness never comes without an effort and being married to a man - it does not work like that in today's life when Allah gave us the ability to study and work.  I really think her reason of not being happy which it's obvious she doesn't realize it but is because she has not established a career path . In today's life it's a need for both male and female regardless muslim or not to establish a good career path in order to feel complete and good about ourselves . This is what Allah wants us to do while we are young and able. Marriage without establish a career path for including a female in today's life is not happiness. You need to stress on the importance of your daughter to get educated or pursue a skill-building career path so she can be happy with herself and Allah of the accomplishment Allah has guided her to and given her. Don't make her dependant on her husband. You and her father should be helping her to establish a career path . 

  • Mintee
    Lv 7
    10 months ago

    there is no compulsion in religion (Allah tells us this in the Quran).. you also cannot force a daughter into marriage,. our dear prophet Mohammed said this,, so I dont know where you are co ming from,,, you dont seem to be practicing proper islam.. the bride to be has to agree to a marriage, you cannot force it.. thats against proper islam.. .. anyways.. if their marriage isnt good,, there is divorce,, its frowned up in Islam, but allowed.. its a much better ending than staying in a loveless marriage cause YOU forced her to... then she can get on with her life, career and if Allah wills, find a good loving man to marry.. 

  • Anonymous
    10 months ago

    You said you are educated but I doubt that. Only people from backwards culture will push their kids into getting married. Your daughter is a grown women and she should live her life the way she wants to. You should not have pushed her into getting married. You should’ve pushed her into getting an education and a career. People should marry when their ready and also marry someone they love. Your daughter is a grown women and if you didn’t like her living in your house then why don’t you tell her to move out and get her own place? If she doesn’t love her husband and things are not working out then tell her to leave him, move out and get a job. Next time make sure she dates someone and gets to know them 

    before she gets married. 

  • Anonymous
    10 months ago

    she is 26 she lives in 2020 you as a Muslim Mother still lives in 700AD

    Of course, Arranged marriages destroy lives

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  • reme_1
    Lv 7
    10 months ago

    I do not understand your religion nor the obsession with finding a husband for your daughter. You chose a man for her and she is unhappy. Instead of pushing her to stay with a man she does not love, encourage her to find her independence. What happens if he starts to beat her? If you are in the US , encourage her to get her independence and make a life for herself. She can do it now since he doesn't have children. Just because you chose a husband for her does not mean he is the right man for her. Divorce isn't a failure. It is the result of two people not being able to see things the same way. We are all different. Marriage is difficult. Help her out of a bad situation.

  • 10 months ago

    This sounds like a troll question. But I can't really accuse you of being a troll. This is serious and not funny if you are trolling.

    In case it's real, you are not an educated loving mother if you did this to your own flesh and blood. I was in the same situation when I was 18. My parents beat and forced me into a marriage with my cousin. I suffered for an entire year until I had the courage to get out and leave him and find my happiness. You are a selfish mother who only cares for herself. You don't care about your daughters happiness but your own. If I knew her, I would talk to her and tell her to leave. No one deserves to live the rest of their life in misery. She will soon reach her breaking point, and trust me, she'll leave. Although I'm not a Muslim anymore, that's my answer to your question. Oh, and your husband doesn't give a shít at all, also a piece of selfish shít.

    Source(s): Ex Muslim
  • 10 months ago

    a nice guy is, well, a nice guy. no one can deny it, not even your daughter. but the thing is, she don't love the man. if you want her "to have her own life and her own children" then why didn't you let her get her own choice? you can't feel it because you are not in her place. the man is no better than a stranger to her, because you and your husband arranged (or forced) your daughter's marriage with someone she probably don't know much about (at least not yet). even if you want to get a certain guy for her, why didn't you just get them acquainted first? let them get the time they needed to get to know each other. everything needs a process. we live in a marriage for most of our life time till we die, and you (and your husband) just giving her something she never wanted for her life, and you expected that to last for as long as she live. that's simply cruel. you said you are religious but remember, even though you are her parents, your daughter is still Allah's creation, Allah owns her, not you. and so what you did reflects that you don't really believe in Allah's might that He will eventually send someone for her in due time.

    as for suggestions from me, i think you should apologize to her, don't worry, put aside that "parent" title for awhile and admit that you made that big mistake. i apologize to my son every time i make mistake. and take a time with your daughter to talk about what she had in mind, what she wants for her life, whether she has some other guy she really loves, if she does, then take another time know about this guy, i'm sure her choice is also a nice person, if you still don't like him, then i'm sure you don't want your daughter's happiness, but her husbands riches and prosperity, if that's the case, you should be ashamed because Allah is the great seer and know everything you do and think.

    Source(s): Islamic teachings
  • 10 months ago

    Do you force her to get married with him? I'm a muslim too, but forcing your daughter to married to someone she doesn't want is just not right. I know you were worried about her, but she is still 26, still young and her path of life still far away beyond. Islam never told us to force somebody elses for doing something, Islam only told us to give a good advice and good things to others. Maybe she just upset she didn't married with someone she loved. You say her husband give her some branded and expensive stuff such iPhone and branded things, she is not happy because you know, money can't buy happiness. The only thing you can do is just wait, i know you are a good parents because you still worried about your own daughter. I know you has the good reason for doing it to your daughter, she will understand someday. :)

  • Anonymous
    10 months ago

    7 children' why can't you have 2 children like other western women.

    why do we have to give you benefits 

  • Anonymous
    10 months ago

    I hope you are trolling.  Trying to run the life of an adult (over 18) is just wrong.  

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