Can I have a guy best friend while in a relationship?
I’ve asked multiple people this question and they all have different views. I’ve recently gotten a boyfriend of 5 months and we are very close. I’m considering marrying him because I’ve never felt this way about anyone I’ve dated and I can’t imagine losing him. However, I have another friend of 5 years that is sorta like a brother to me. He used to come over and hang out with me every day, he came to all family holidays and vacations, and we did everything together. But when I got a boyfriend, of course I had to dial that down. Well he got mad and jealous saying my boyfriend is controlling and how he should trust me. He’s constantly guilt tripping me for not hanging out or talking as much. And he’s gotten a girlfriend too and yet is still upset. But my boyfriend doesn’t trust him because this guy friend confessed his feelings for me at one point but I didn’t like him back. He still thinks he’s in love with me and It’s too weird for him for me to talk to him all the time. But my family thinks it’s wrong for him to want me to cut him out of my life. What should I do? Who’s right in this situation?
- 10 months agoFavorite Answer
Unfortunately if you are looking to have a future with your boyfriend, you may lose your good friend in the process. I know when my husband and I got together I had to cut off a lot of my guy friends even though they were no threat to him. Put yourself in his shoes. How would you like it if the roles were reversed? Good luck!
- EinsteinettaLv 68 months ago
You probably can't have both. Life moves forward. It is not stagnant. You should move to the next phase of your life. Explain to your family that your old friend is welcome in your life as long as he is willing to respect your new relationship. (And tell him, too).
- 10 months ago
Please remove them. You can have normal friends but guy best friends with relationships don’t work.
- Emily RoseLv 610 months ago
Your family is weird then because it's common sense that this guy could be a potential threat to your relationship. His jealousy is a red flag and your boyfriend is right i don't see this situation having a good outcome if you keep the friend.
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- 10 months ago
yes if you are ok with him having a best female friend
- LayneLv 510 months ago
In the long run you may have to cut ties with your 'best friend' to save your future husband. How would you feel if your fiance had a best friend and that friend was a female? How happy would you be? You can't tell me that you would like it.
- Alan HLv 710 months ago
Whyever not, if that is what he is AND if you are open and transparent
No reason why he cannot remain a 'family friend' once you are married
BUT your boyfriend (eventual husband) must be your BEST friend
- YearoftheRatLv 510 months ago
On one hand, it is okay to have a guy-best-friend while in a relationship. *But* having a guy-best-friend who confessed having feelings for you, guilt-trips you to spend more time with him, and isn't interested in your and your boyfriend's boundaries is a problem.
From an outsider perspective, it seems like your "best friend" is enjoying some real or imaginary chemistry between the two of you, which is a valid threat to the trust between you and your boyfriend, if you dismiss your boyfriend's concerns.
Your boyfriend is probably thinking that a true "like-a-brother" friend would support your boundaries and do nothing to endanger the happiness between you and your boyfriend. With this in mind, a decision is at hand. With the lines so blurred, it's clear your friend is not "like a brother" (at least in his mind), which leaves you with a difficult choice. Which relationship will you put first?
Side Note: Please forgive me for speculating, but I noticed that you never used the word 'love' to describe your feelings for the man you're thinking of marrying. You mentioned the phrase 'close to', which is perhaps a bit less than love. If that's true, perhaps you've spent a lot of time lonely in the past or without close relationships, such that maybe now value on *ALL* your bonds so dearly that it's difficult to put just one relationship first. However, that *is* what would be asked of you as a wife.
If that sounds too scary or sad, it might be better to not get married until you can easily put the 'other' guy aside. When you're ready--and/or when it's the right guy--putting aside the 'other' guys is easy.
- NativeLv 510 months ago
REAL friends NEVER guilt trip you or talk bad about who you date. Sounds to me like your boyfriend is right - your "friend" is possessive and most likely wants you - maybe not right now, but he certainly doesn't want to share you. YOU need to learn what friends are, and what they are not. Just because you USED to have a great relationship, doesn't mean it won't or can't change. Tell your "friend" that he is being completely unreasonable, and unless he stops meddling, he's out. Like I said, friends don't do that, period.Source(s): Direct personal experience!
- Ace ShortyLv 710 months ago
I doubt it, don't think the bf would agree to that. Your b f wants you also. You're going to have to cut 1 of them out, which 1 will it be?
- MCMLv 710 months ago
If u love this guy then your friend had got to go