I'm in love my best friend, what should I do?
I have a lot on my plate at the moment and would really appreciate if someone could give me advice. Anyway here's the situation, I started becoming friends with her a little over a year ago, before that we didn't even exist to each other. I was attracted to her instantly like I remember thinking, "I don't know why but, I need to become friends with her." So I made it my mission to do so and surprisingly we hit it off instantly and we started talking a lot. We only had one class together so we'd meet in the bathroom and talk. People started noticing how we started talking a lot/acted around each other and would ask if we were dating or something. She reacted by just simply saying, "shut up," I kinda got happy because people would always assume so that was a good sign, right? Anyways I started to realize that I was falling in love and I mean falling HARD. I told my friends and they said that they think she likes me back but that she just pushes it down. I came out to my most of my friends as bi and then told her soon after, she was a little hurt because I came out to a lot of people before her but understood that it was my choice. (Honestly though, I'm pretty sure I'm gay.) After a few months we started facetiming literally almost everyday for HOURS. She's amazing we have so much in common, I know things about her no one else knows/embarrassing stuff. Is there hope, or am I doomed? She says she's straight, gets hurt/jealous if I don't talk to her or talk to other friends. Help?
- RPLv 78 months ago
If she's a good friend, as opposed to a platonic or casual friend, you might consider being honest with her. There are many ways to approach this. One is to be honest about your sexuality and explain your deceit was because you didn't know how she would react and feared losing her friendship. Another is to suggest you are feeling much closer to her and wonder if she feels the same toward you. There are many other approaches you can use to introduce the subject and, once you do, take it from there.
- Care411Lv 68 months ago
I will give you the best and longest answer no troll would read. Your questioned seemed a little trollish. It was lacking of details/specifics about the past year of your life. You seem pretty smart but how can you expect a good answer without good details. The question was important.But you were too vague with her thoughts, your perceptions on how the relationship has been going... Have you been closing gaps/helping to educate or mentor? we dont know.
I have one question:
"She says she's straight, gets hurt/jealous if I don't talk to her or talk to other friends"
-- Whats that mean? She gets jealous if you do not talk to her and she told you this? "or talk to other friends". She gets jealous when you talk to other friends?
I am wondering if you are a troll? Sexuality is fluid, not fixed. You can like women 95% today and men 5%. She can like men 99% and women 1% this week. It can change in a few weeks, months or hours. You can feel 60% feminine and 40% masculine vice versa. Its 'awkward' someone who is bisexual/lesbian wouldn't fully understand this? People tend to perceive it as all or nothing. We know that is 100% untrue. You care because people who know her best say she likes you back and pushes it down. The vibe, energy or "body language" she has when with you sends others a clear signal - you are a couple/dating.
f*ck feminism. But I work with women/womens rights all day. It is tough being a woman at times often unfair. Especially with sexual/sexuality issues.2019 or not a woman who enjoys, is open about, not ashamed of or confident about her 'sexuality' is bullied, attacked, shamed or discriminated against. While lots of things prove this:
"I am a male I had sex with 8 women - I am cool!"
"I am a woman I thought about kissing 4 women - I am a slut" sinner.
-- You know that is how it works, right? While it is worse in other places. In the US/UK bisexua/gayl women are one of the highest groups at risk for suicide. Where as straight males are praised for it. Makes me kind of sick HBU?
It is not out of line she is not ok/ready/willing to come out today; this moment. 70% of this nation and most European ones are Christian they think LGBT is going to rot in hell. She may be very BI and confused/scared. This is UK but it happens more frequently in US and is almost never reported:
It would make sense this is why she kept you as a friend for a year and why she is specifically jealous of the 2 things you told us about. She knows you are bi. Even though it is not her business she was hurt/sad you did not share that part of your life with her before anyone else. Right or wrong we won't judge her. But in her mind this was something you should have shared with her, it mattered to her. You seem to imply after this is when she hung out with you more. Then she gets jealous of other things - wants you for herself. That's not great but it is cute, nice and not awful.
I don't know lady.... I work LGBT/other psychology (relationships). It is not uncommon to confide in someone with more experienced or look for a mentor in someone a bit more confident. IT 100% depends what exactly has been going on for the last year. Generally start talking to her about sexuality/women more - not you and her but in broader terms. You know how to flirt, right or did you forget? Notch that up... if you have notch it up 100% more. Start talking to her about discrimination, social constructs and sterotypes of LGBT. Show her its not ok but common. Put her feelings/needs above yours. If you have been notch it up. Touch her, smile, close the personal space gap, be more memorable/visible to her. Even if exaggerated or just not really you (fake it): Dress/look better for her. She sees a lot of men/women right -you need to be more memorable. If shes complimented your hair, makeup, body or smile use that. BTW if she compliments you and lots of other things that matters.
It is 100% her right to tell you yes or no and you can't change that. But you need to keep expressing your interest until she tells you she hopes you rot in hell her daddy is a minister and she has no interest in an emotional or sexual relationship with you (or something close).... What you do all depends on whats been going on for the last year.
- River EuphratesLv 78 months ago
It sounds like you have a really good friend - so you are far from 'doomed'.
Talk to her about your attraction to women, and maybe how you struggled with coming to terms with it. If she's just 'pushing it down', then you might be able to get her to open up - but if she's straight, then you aren't going to 'convert' her.
- reme_1Lv 78 months ago
She doesn't sound straight to me but everybody is different. Until you are sure of yourself it is BETTER NOT to come out to others as things might change and then you will have to explain yourself again. It will make you look like a fool. Talk to her and make sure you are both on the same page. You might REALLY like her a lot, maybe love her, but she might not feel the same. You don' t want to get hurt because you assumed something. Young love is beautiful . I wish you the best. HUGS from aa SENIOR lesbian
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- Anonymous8 months ago
Ask her if she might consider a relationship with a woman. If the answer is no - then make your self date. Join gay some youth groups or hit the gay bars around on lesbian nights. Be involved with the local gay community center. If she is willing to try it out - great. Get her in some of those groups because if she does go that way - it sound like she has some internal homophobia to process and she needs to have some positive lgbt role models plus compare notes with other people her age about what she is going through.