??? asked in Society & CultureEtiquette · 3 months ago

Is it rude for someone to ask you to be quiet?

At work yesterday, a coworker approached me and said in the nicest way possible, "Hey, it's very noisy. I'm just wondering if you can be quieter, I have a lot to get done today and I'm on a tight deadline, I can't concentrate, even with my door closed."

I was like, "Oh, yeah, sure!" She asked very politely, but this didn't change the fact that my feelings were hurt. It left me wondering whether I was really that noisy and I asked a few people. One girl told me it sounded like we were having fun, that's all. I know I have a pretty infectious laugh but I don't think it's overly disruptive to others on a regular basis, it's not really something I can control all the time, and I certainly don't want to walk around on eggshells thinking that every time I laugh I'm going to anger someone. 

Later in the day the same person approached me and said she was sorry if she had offended me. The thing is, it was more than just offence, it made me really self conscious about something that I never have been before, and now I'm second guessing how appropriate it is for her to expect me to be super quiet. Later she had told me she had a headache and she had to take a few medications - Isn't it just as much someone's responsibility to take accountability for their sensitivities as it is mine to be considerate of the noise level?

Points to ponder :)

Thanks!

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  • 3 months ago
    Favorite Answer

    I think it's entirely dependent on the context and the way it was asked. With you mentioning that it was a co-worker, I'd guess that you work in an office environment? If that's the case, I can understand both sides here. Your co-worker was clearly having an off-day and might have been a little bit snappy, but it doesn't sound like she was trying to be rude or abrasive, and if it was still distracting her with her door closed maybe you may have been being a little loud without realising? 

       On the other hand though, if it wasn't bothering any of your other co-workers and it hasn't been an issue in the past, it's also a possibility that your co-worker heard your laugh and it was the straw that broke the camel's back. She also came back to apologise as well and to try and explain herself, so I don't think she meant it in malice at all. At the end of the day, I wouldn't take it to heart. When we're a little under the weather even the little things can get under our skin, and I think that's what happened with your co-worker. If it hasn't been a problem in the past I can't see why it would have been any different today! Besides, I'd rather hear my co-workers laugh than cry!

    • ???3 months agoReport

      I think you're absolutely right, it was the straw the broke the camel's back and she was busy and had a headache. She wasn't as well-equipped to deal with normal distractions as she usually is. Thanks for your advice! 

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  • 3 months ago

    No but at least she was nice about it. Sometimes people are loud without realising it. At work, you're supposed to be working, not being a social butterfly.

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  • 3 months ago

    It may be rude to ask someone to be quiet, but not in the context of the situation you have described.She asked you very politely, giving lots of reasons for her request, not just 'Will you in god's name STFU!', and then later she came back and apologised and explained again.

    If you think any of this is 'rude' then I'm afraid you're in for some unpleasant surprises in your future life.

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  • reme_1
    Lv 7
    3 months ago

    You might want to just let it go. After all she was not feeling her best. Don't dwell on it- you will become obsessed.

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  • mom
    Lv 7
    3 months ago

    yes that was very rude to say to anyone

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  • Pearl
    Lv 7
    3 months ago

    i would just try to be more quiet then

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  • Damien
    Lv 5
    3 months ago

    no its not rude, not all people have bad hearing and dont like loud noisy people. loud noises can give some people headaches or migranes, it can cause some people to snap cause the noise irritates and annoys them, how bout u be considerate of others and dont disturb their peace?

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  • Lili
    Lv 7
    3 months ago

    No, it is not rude. You were asked very politely, by the way, and in the workplace, you SHOULD be very conscious of your noise level, because people often do need to concentrate.

    You're really making far too much of this.  Get over it, because the co-worker in question didn't do anything wrong and didn't owe you an apology, though it was nice of her to give you one.  This was a single occasion, and I'm sure that laughing now and then isn't going to cause any issues. It's talking and laughing loudly at length that might.

    You sound a little immature, frankly, and perhaps you do need to give some thought to appropriate behavior in the workplace.  It's not really the place to be "having fun".

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    • ???3 months agoReport

      It's hard to know how to respond, but since you don't respect what I have to say, you may instead find this article interesting : 
      https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/resolution-not-conflict/201503/should-you-use-word-it-decreases-your-effectivenessWe all have different perspectives. Thank you! 

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  • 3 months ago

    I would have simply told you to stfu

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  • 3 months ago

    The way you describe it, she wasn't being at all rude. In fact, you may have been the rude one for being loud. She obviously wasn't trying to upset you and just needed to concentrate on something important.

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