How do I comfort my fiance when she is upset about her weight?

She has been trying to lose weight for a while and wants to before the wedding. While she has been concerned about it for a few years, recently it has been causing issues between us.

I would say about 70% of the time she starts feeling upset about her weight, it turns into us arguing. I have tried different ways of consoling her and nothing seems to work. No matter what i day or do she gets mad at me for "not caring" or not being there for her or repeating myself.

I really do not know what to do anymore. It seems like no matter what i say or do I'm wrong. I don't even think she needs to lose weight but i support her bc i think she needs to in order to feel better about herself.

Im sick of fighting over this and i just want her to he happy. It seems like there is no way to talk to her when she is upset about this.

7 Answers

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  • Foofa
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    Sit her down and remind her that your wedding is really just a party and that all that matters is that after the fact you'll be starting your new married life together. It's normal that she'd want to look her best but decidedly abnormal that she's willing to risk her very relationship just to look at certain way at a wedding that likely won't happen if she can't put this all into perspective.

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  • Jane
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    It's great that you love her as she is,that you genuinely care about her happiness and that you tell her this. 

    However, she has a different idea about herself, and in this case you cannot say the right thing if you give any kind of advice or opinion. This is because she has to deal with this herself.The best way to approach this is to listen, listen, listen. Stop giving any kind of opinion or trying to console. Continue to be as loving towards her as she will allow. I know it's tough to be with someone you love who seems to hate themselves, and she will push you away as she feels she is not love-able until she loses weight.Certainly she has poor self esteem, and of course this is not caused by you, she will have felt this way for years before she met you.It may be she would benefit from some counselling as her body hate problems has roots in the past and perhaps the way there is so much pressure on people to conform to looking a certain way.It may be she would find a supportive healthy weight loss structure like Slimming World or Weight Watchers helpful.She may be able to meet with a GP or health professional that can give her a helpful perspective about healthy eating and exercise. So as well as listening , ask her some questions to get her to open up- eg. what goals would you like to achieve before the wedding?

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  • 1 month ago

    Uh...she needs mental help. you consoling her isn't going to do anything to solve the issue.

    Best to get rid of her.

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  • Alan H
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    If the issue has got to the point of your being ‘sick of it’ you need seriously to consider your relationship. Far greater issues are sure to arise in the future: what conflicts will they create between you?

    Maybe you should defer the wedding until you have sorted yourselves out on how you respond to each other.

    Try not to share such matters with others....

    especially in a critical way

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  • 1 month ago

    Tell her 1 of the best way to lose weight is by having sex. Also tell her she has to be on top to move her fat butt a lot more. :)

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  • LizB
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    Tell her love you and are attracted to her exactly as she is now, but if she wants to lose weight so that *she* feels better about herself, then you'll support whatever plan she comes up with because you want her to be happy. Repeat ad nauseum.

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  • 1 month ago

    There is no real way to comfort her about this,especially if she is the only one who thinks she is overweight. Just listening to her feelings and telling her you understand is about all there is to do. Unless she feels you should take an active role in helping her with diet and/or exercise

    • Chris1 month agoReport

      I try to do just that but she tells me im not saying anything and not being helpful and then gets angry.

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