Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Society & CultureEtiquette · 2 months ago

Why does she do this? Does she just want attention? Please help, short!?

I have this friend Kat (she's 30, I'm 25) who posts EVERYTHING on Facebook. Her photos and statuses can get pretty personal (in my opinion). Examples include lengthy posts about her cat, her cat’s health issues, an array of selfies, photos of her cat, photos of her and her bf kissing, posts about her job, her health conditions, her ER visits including pics (I kid you not), etc. It’s so extensive to the point where there probably isn’t much that she DOESN’T share on FB.

Anyways, she has a multitude of health conditions, most of them are pretty severe, rare, with unfortunately no available treatments. She always initiates conversations with me and whenever she brings up her latest diagnosis/hospital stay/treatment and I respond with either “sorry” (or some variation of that) or offers to help her out, she ALWAYS brushes me off with “oh well that’s life right?” Or something equally trite.

This frustrates me b/c she’ll talk to me for a long time, and me trying to be polite, sacrifices my time to listen to her. And when I try to be supportive she brushes me off.

It makes me wonder why she goes to extreme lengths to talk to me when all she does is brush me off? Do you think she just wants attention? What should I do? I don't want to be mean but I am getting sick of it. Thank you for your help in advance!

Update:

@Jerry: I DON'T read her FB. She reaches me out to me via text and thats how she conveys more of her health issues. I just provided the FB part for more context.

Update 2:

@common sense: YES! thank you! your whole first paragraph is my friend to a T, esp the last 2 sentences! im so glad someone understands where I'm coming from. Do you do what I've suggested, and do you find that it works?

4 Answers

Relevance
  • 2 months ago
    Favorite Answer

    I also have a friend who seems to have one dramatic issue after the other. Whether it be relationship problems, problems with her grown children, or medical issues. Although she doesn't post everything on Facebook like your friend does, she got into the habit of calling me and telling me in great length and detail about all of her problems, and then saying "well I just called to see how you're doing, I got to go now,buy." As if I'm some Dumping Ground for her ill-fated choices and medical problems.

    With your situation with your friend, you can simply stop reading what she put on Facebook and easily change your settings so she can't message you or know that you're online. We all have caller ID, so you don't have to answer your phone when she calls either. And if she wants to rent her problems through text messaging, let her do it and don't respond.

    You have more control over how you deal with her then you are giving yourself credit for. Stop getting sucked into the long conversations by not answering your phone. Your friend is incredibly self-absorbed and not interested in anything you have to say.

    • Common Sense
      Lv 7
      2 months agoReport

      I simply and politely either take control of the conversation, do not acknowledge some boring texts, or do not answer my phone to avoid the vortex of her problems. I also do not give pity or any advise.

    • Commenter avatarLogin to reply the answers
  • Jerry
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    Sometimes people just want to vent, to get things off their chest, not be "helped." If you'd rather not have a "I want to vent" conversation then you can politely decline: "Can we talk about cheerful stuff? I'm feeling pretty down today and really trying to focus on the positive."

    If you read her facebook and don't like it, then what about it? Do you want your money back? Jeez, don't read the stuff if you hate it. 

    • Commenter avatarLogin to reply the answers
  • 2 months ago

    Given your frustration, have a conversation with your friend and explain how her attitude/behavior impacts on you and be open to an explanation, which help you better understand her perspective.  It is possible Kat has insecurities and this is how they manifest, by sharing many aspects of her life online and in conversations.  Perhaps Kat does not want your help, she simply wants you to listen, no matter what is being said.  The only way this dynamic can change, is by you making different choices.  If you want Kat in your life, time to shift how the friendship takes shape.

    • Commenter avatarLogin to reply the answers
  • Pearl
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    she might be doing it for attention

    • Commenter avatarLogin to reply the answers
Still have questions? Get your answers by asking now.