Aliza asked in Arts & HumanitiesPoetry · 2 months ago

How do I make my poem better? ?

I have an assignment for my English class to write about something that I'm passionate about. My teacher was inspired by Kobe's poem "Dear Basketball.' He won an Oscar for it, and this assignment is something I want to well on. 

_____

"Dear Depression,

You have been a part of my life since 2003,

Even if you hadn't yet effected me.

They call you a prosaic anomaly instead

Of seeing your mosaic beauty.

You'd leave me with frost bitten kisses

Hoping I'd be smitten.

You covered me like a blanket,

To make me feel safe

I didn't even notice this ball and chain anklet. 

You are an old friend who comes to town just to see me,

Always hanging around.

Some deny that you exist, while you hold them tight

Keeping them up at night.

 

Others debate whether you're real or not, despite knowing that they feel you."

_____

And that's all I have so far. I have a pretty good start, I think. I just would like to know how others feel about it.

Any suggestions on editing it? Any suggestions on how to make it better? And suggestions on taking anything out? Moving anything? Or adding anything in? 

I'd appreciate any suggestions or feedback. Even if you have no suggestions, did you like it? Did you hate it? Why or why not?

I will be awarding a best answer!!!

1 Answer

Relevance
  • Anonymous
    1 month ago
    Favorite Answer

    Others debate whether you're real or not, despite knowing that they feel you.

    But I believe in you, with all respect due.

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