=) asked in Society & CultureEtiquette · 1 month ago

Boyfriend did not get me a Christmas, Valentines, or Birthday present. However he paid for the trip for me to see him. Should I be upset?

So my boyfriend and I are long distance. He’s 33 and I turn 26 today! We’ve been on and off and have been dating for 2 years, though officially since July 2019. 

Previously he used to buy me gifts. Last Valentines Day, he surprised me at work with chocolates and a teddy bear - we weren’t even official at the time. Within the past year I would buy him a LOT of gifts - I bought him a ton of stuff when I went to a different country, and for his birthday/Christmas/Valentines Day I bought him a new gaming headset, Bluetooth headset, and surprised him with lingerie. He told me multiple times “I didn’t buy you anything because I don’t know what to get you”, and I kept telling him it’s the thought that counts.

Now today is my birthday, and I’m at his place for the weekend. He hasn’t done anything today. Even asked for me to please him this morning. Told me he didn’t want to go out because he has work in the morning. 

But to offset this, he did pay for my ticket to come see him (I’m currently unemployed). He also paid for drinks and food while I’m here. HOWEVER - while we did go out to an event yesterday, it was some Dr. Dre concert that I told him I didn’t want to go to but he still got tickets because “his friends love Dr. Dre and might want to go” (only 1 showed up) (he doesn’t like Dr. Dre himself). Also he asked me to split a dinner bill. 

And no he’s not broke - he has a full time job and just bought a new sound system and black rims for his car.

Should I be upset?

Update:

Also this is the first time we’re seeing each other since early December because he got sick with the flu for a whole month (we were supposed to spend New Years together)

10 Answers

Relevance
  • Favorite Answer

    It sounds like he's getting lazy in the relationship. Him paying for your ride to see him is nothing more than another selfish act. He's paying because he benefits from it.

    I'd talk to him about this. Ask him direct questions and take it from there. At the 2 year mark, this is when you two figure out if you are going to go deeper onto the next stage of the relationship or call it quits.

    • ...Show all comments
    • =)1 month agoReport

      Edna I don’t know what you have against me but like I told the other answerer - you should google what an on/off relationship is. We broke up, he came back in my life, and we decided to start to OFFICIALLY start the relationship again in July. And idk how your comment supplements this one. 

    • Commenter avatarLogin to reply the answers
  • 1 month ago

    What difference does it make how all these strangers will answer? What if everybody says No you should not feel upset? Are you going to stop being upset?

    • Commenter avatarLogin to reply the answers
  • 1 month ago

    If the perceived lack of gifts from your boyfriend confuses/angers/hurts you, have a conversation with him and share your thoughts/feelings. It is possible your boyfriend is having some financial difficulties and does not want you to know, he may have other reasons for what you see as money not being spent on you. When in doubt, go directly to the source. The more you know, the more you can do.

    • Commenter avatarLogin to reply the answers
  • 1 month ago

    People date for a reason, and that is to find out if they are compatible enough to continue on dating to see if it leads to something more serious.

    You have needs that are not being met.  Therefore, it does not matter what anyone thinks about the details of your relationship.  Your relationship is not working for YOU and your needs.  You are clearly not happy with how things are going, so, break up with him.  You will never change him, so do not bother trying.

    Obviously gifts are very important for you to give and receive, but they are not so important to him. Since there are several potential gift giving events the whole year through and you are not satisfied with the last seven months of gifts, then he is not the right guy for you.

    Remember, you have been on again, off again for the majority of your "relationship".  There is a reason why that happened.  Who has a cold for a whole month>?  Perhaps he had other NYE plans that did not include you.  Let me guess, this is a long distance relationship.  

    Move on already.  This is not the guy you want to spend the rest of your life with because he does not meet your core needs and you are not close enough to him to let your feelings be known. 

    • Commenter avatarLogin to reply the answers
  • How do you think about the answers? You can sign in to vote the answer.
  • Edna
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    You should NOT be upset.  You've been "officially" dating  for only 7 months, since July 2019. 

     

    I think you're expecting an awful lot from a guy you're just dating.  Most guys completely ignore or forget about Christmas presents, Valentine's Day presents, or birthday presents.  They just don't put the significance to special events  that women do, so they ignore them or forget all about them.  A guy you were married to would be the same way. 

     

    The fact that you're in a long distance relationship now makes it all that much easier for him to forget about special dates and holidays. You're not with him every day, in order to keep REMINDING him about them. 

     

    When he tells you,“I didn’t buy you anything because I don’t know what to get you”, believe him! -- he doesn't know & he doesn't have a clue, and he's hoping you'll tell him.  The next time he says that, TELL him what you would like to receive from him. 

      

    He paid for your ticket for you to come and see him on your birthday weekend; he paid for your food and drinks while you were there; and he took you to a concert!  He might not have handed you a pretty package to open, but all THAT was your birthday present from him. 

     

    Don't buy him LOTS of gifts, such as tons of stuff when you went to a different country; holiday gifts; a new gaming headset; a Bluetooth headset; and even LINGERIE!! He doesn't want you to do that. It's going to begin to seem to him that you expect tit for tat from him, if you do.

    • Commenter avatarLogin to reply the answers
  • g
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    I'm confused - there's a difference between dating and "officially dating"? Y'all are long since adults and you're not acting like one. It seems to me that at 26 you shouldnt be asking strangers whether or not you should be mad at your boyfriend. Adults talk things out.

    Fact is, you *are* mad. You have all these unspoken expectations of what boyfriends do, and he's failing. He probably figures paying for your trip was your birthday present.

    As adults, you talk to HIM. You don't have a meltdown because he spends the money he earns however he chooses.

  • Pearl
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    maybe he couldnt afford to after paying your ticket

    • Commenter avatarLogin to reply the answers
  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    Don't buy him any more gifts.  See how he likes that.

    • Commenter avatarLogin to reply the answers
  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    It sounds to me like he doesn't want to take the time or make the effort of recognizing the importance of special days or holidays. Spending money on you in other ways doesn't cancel that out.

    He could spend just a few dollars on a small gift, if money was the problem. One of those tiny Whitman's samplers, a pair of candles, a book he thinks you'll like, etc. would mark the occasions well enough, right? But he doesn't get you anything at all, because money isn't the issue at all.

    Frankly, I don't believe this flu-for-a-month story, either. I believe he's unwilling to go out of his way even a little to make you happy--and that he expects sex when he sees you.

    I'd like to be wrong, but I bet I'm not.

  • Brian
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    I forget who issues the licenses that indicates "official dating".

Still have questions? Get your answers by asking now.