Mother in law problems?

I'm not sure what to do about my MIL. We have never had the best relationship. She says she has seasonal depression. But will literally go months being super mean and rude to just me, and then super nice. My husband and I have been together 7 years. We just had a baby. Shes about 3.5 months old. My daughter was born very early and spent 2 months in the nicu. My in laws did not come to the NICU much at all. Now that shes home the were here 2 times at the beginning and then stopped coming. They were busy every time we asked, and my husband calls and asks them 2 to 3 times a week. They only time they asked to come over was valentines day when my husband and I had plans. So we asked them to come that sunday instead, which they didnt. Well after over a month they showed up tonight and it did not go well. She tried to hold my daughter and she just cried and cried and cried. She was very uncomfortable with her. And she has awful reflux. So she has to be held up after feeds for almost an hour. Well my MIL wouldnt listen and layed her in her lap. And she refluxed and started coughing and crying more. I took her back to clam down and she fell right asleep on my shoulder. Within seconds my mil got up and said shes leaving. Left mad and didnt even hug my husband goodbye. We are and always having been so overly cautious with her, but I cant control what my daughter does because she doesnt know her. Now I feel like there's going to be this big fight. Advice?? 

5 Answers

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  • 4 weeks ago

    Your baby, your family, your rules. For your husband's sake, stay civil, but you don't need to go out of your way to try to try to please someone who obviously does not care about you. If she wants to be that way, then so be it. You don't need to be the one to try to keep peace after all this time. Your MIL has made it abundantly clear that she has issues, so let her alone with them.

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  • 1 month ago

    Takes two to fight.  Your husband should be handling it, and explaining that she can be respectful or not come by.  Your daughter and her health are more important than not hurting your MIL's feelings.  Also, your husband should talk to his father about what treatment MIL is getting for her clear emotional issues. 

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  • 1 month ago

    Chances are she has some type of emotional health issue. 

    This is not something you can fix.

    There will only be a big fight if you participate in the fight.

    Don't participate. Don't argue back. Don't attend the dramatic performance.

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  • 1 month ago

    i would just stay away from her

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  • PR
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    You have a new baby, and a lot to deal with and figure out. This is going to need to be your main concern. In regards to the reflux, try feeding the baby a mix of soy and dairy formula, only one with iron in it. Hold your daughter with her back straight, head tipped back, and burp very often. If this doesn't work, try altering the type of formula offered. If you are breast feeding, realize that whatever you eat can affect your baby. 

    Could MIL have either depression, or bipolar?

    You may need to rely on your husband to resolve this. You will be quite busy with your daughter. 

    Once your baby is past the reflux, perhaps your MIL would like to help in some way, go somewhere with you and granddaughter, etc. Consider inviting her somewhere with you, so you can get to know one another a little better. 

    Expect that she may pick on things and get "under your skin". If you realize this upfront, you can resolve not to let these things bother you and consider it part of the deal. 

    Hopefully, things will improve, but do the best you can with your daughter and hope things improve. Be as pleasant as you can, realizing she must have some things going on that you are not entirely aware. Does your husband know of any details he may not have filled you in on?  

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