Is this love? Is it worth it?

Hello everyone,

I met this guy about 3 year ago and we started kind of dating. At the beginning he said he was not ready for a relationship as he was saving up to get back on his feet. 1 years ago he started blaming for not talking about our future/plan, and that all I do is complain and nag. I was confused because I did not know we were in a serious relationship and my nagging was mainly regarding his lack of commitment to me. I admit that I have not been the greatest person to be around and he has a lot of patience. I worked a lot in addition to school and I was stressed out but he stayed around and I appreciate that a lot. He works too and is a father and it has been difficult and stressful for me to deal with the "little amount" of time we spend together.

Two years ago I started medical school and had to move to another city. So things have not been the same between us. We talked recently and he stated that out of the 3 years together we were/are in a relationship for 1 year and now we are not (I had no clue he was thinking of me that way). All I wanted from the beginning was a relationship with this guy and build a future with him. He has been my support and strength for the past 3 years and is a great guy.

I am finishing up my 2nd year of med. school and my work load will be lesser next year. So I am considering returning home and commute to classes to make things work with him. Is this a good call? Am I making the right choice? Please help. Any advice is welcome.

5 Answers

  • 1 month ago

    It sounds like neither of you have been good at talking, or perhaps not good at listening. You tried to clarify the situation and he saw it as nagging. He is now telling you what he thinks and it's not what you want to hear. If you want this relationship to go anywhere, you need to sit down together and discuss where you think you are and what you want in the future, and what each of you needs to do to achieve that. Otherwise it's another 3 years of having different ideas of what's happening.

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  • d j
    Lv 5
    1 month ago

    You should discuss this with your partner.

    So that he comes to know that his opinion matters in your life and that you want to work it out.

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  • 1 month ago

    You should do what you WANT to do....for yourself....NOT for anyone else. If coming home and commuting is what you want...then do it. If it's not particularly convenient for you and you are only doing it in the hopes of getting together with this guy....then don't. Do it to suit yourself. You have come second in this rather wishy-washy relationship and it appears to have run its course.  (I hate all this 'official' rubbish....what does it actually mean? You are either having a relationship or you aren't. As you have discovered, it can mean different things to different people and you wanted a relationship, he didn't and now you find that he thinks you both did have one after all while you didn't think that at all.)  It ended up as a long distance one and now he's getting tetchy because you are becoming a bit clingy....probably due to his lack of attention to you.  Stop worrying about it.  Do your exams and studying.  Stay amicable but cut out the dates and sex.  Start living your own life.  You've both been convenient for each other for the last 3 years and have got into a bit of a rut.  I suspect you did most of the chasing so he may perk up a bit if you gradually have outside interests other than him and don't give him a blow by blow account of what you are doing all the time.  I doubt if he tells you what he's doing every day.  Consider yourself single and start widening your circle of friends where you are at the moment.  Don't tie yourself down to just one person.  Live a bit.  Good luck

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  • 1 month ago

    Seems to me this guy has been sending you mixed messages from the start.  You aren’t in a serious relationship, then you are...and it’s your fault things aren’t moving forward to his liking.

    The thing that would concern me is him BLAMING you.  That is not healthy.

    I suggest you not change your medical school plans and not move back and commute.  Why put yourself through that when the relationship is iffy to begin with.

    Maybe a break is in order.  Why don’t you take a break while in medical school so you can focus on your studies.  That is your future, after all.

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  • Alan H
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    Obviously, it is not love

    (You would not need to ask)

    Any good relationship is worth it.....but needs working on 

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