Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Pregnancy & ParentingOther - Pregnancy & Parenting · 3 months ago

Needing some advice. I want a baby, but then I don’t. ?

I’m in a predicament. I have been thinking about having a baby, but I don’t know if I truly want one or if I want one because I feel it’s what I should do. I would love to feel pregnant and have that pregnant belly feeling, but I also don’t know if I would want the responsibilities of having a baby. A lot of people have asked me when I’m going to have one because I recently got married. In some ways, I feel pressured. I also have step kids. My husband’s parents are up in age and my mom hasn’t even accepted my step kids since I told her about them. She doesn’t want to come to my house or doesn’t want them to come to hers. Last time they seen them was when we all ate for thanksgiving at a restaurant. So, I know if I have a baby, there would be no one to watch him/her. I also sometimes work until late and my husband does also. My husbands ex wife is currently pregnant and it makes me a little sad, because I want to feel that way. I also know that I would have more freedom if I didn’t have one. I’m not sure what I should do. Maybe I just wasn’t meant to have one. So why do I feel like I should? 

8 Answers

Relevance
  • Anonymous
    3 months ago

    Don't have a child at all, if you feel this way. Having a child is NOT all about having that ''pregnancy feeling'', Maybe you should just adopt a pet instead. I have never met anyone who conceives simply to feel pregnant, that is very strange. 

  • Edna
    Lv 7
    3 months ago

    You should NOT have a baby, unless you're absolutely sure you want one - and it doesn't sound as if you want one. 

     

    You won't have any sort of "pregnant belly feeling" when you're pregnant. The baby isn't in your belly - it's in your uterus. Your husband's ex-wife is currently pregnant and it makes you  a little sad, because you want to feel that way. How exactly do you think you're going to "feel" if you get pregnant? You probably won't "feel" any different than you always do.  

     

    You work, and your husband's parents are up in age and your mother doesn’t want to come to your house and doesn’t want the baby to come to hers, and everything would "be on you" and you would have no one to "watch" the baby while you're at work?   

    Why would either set of grandparents have to "watch" your baby while you're at work?  You would do what almost all parents do - take your baby to daycare while you're at work. 

  • 3 months ago

    First off its messed up your mom doesnt accept your step kids. Kids are kids and deserve to be treated well regardless if they are or are not biologically their kids. Ask your husband what he wants.

  • Anonymous
    3 months ago

    Better make sure you do because there is no return policy.

  • How do you think about the answers? You can sign in to vote the answer.
  • LizB
    Lv 7
    3 months ago

    I think you like the fantasy of being pregnant and having a baby, but you don't sound ready to have one at all. All the work around childcare tends to fall disproportionately on the mom no matter how egalitarian the couple believes themselves to be, so until you feel 100% all in to do the Mom thing, you shouldn't have a kid. You'll just wind up exhausted and resentful and angry at all the other things you could be doing in your life but now no longer can.

    I'd suggest giving it a year or two at least. Just enjoy your marriage, learn to be a good step-mom to your step-kids, and put your energy into your career and personal life and other goals you have. Then re-evaluate at that point. You may feel that your desire for children has become very strong and at that point you're ready to start trying, or you may feel the same way you do now, or be even more convinced that parenthood is not for you. But definitely don't get pregnant and have a baby because you feel like it's what you're "supposed to do." That won't make anyone happy, least of all the resulting child who didn't get any say in the matter.

  • Anonymous
    3 months ago

    Do you want to spend four years buying and changing diapers?

    Do you want to be a chauffeur for the next ten or twelve years?

    Do you want to help a 12 year old with science homework?

    Do you want a moody, mouthy teenager in your home who tells you they hate you when you say "no" to a $200 pair of jeans?

    Do you want to pay for someone else's college?

    If not, then you don't want a baby.

  • Anonymous
    3 months ago

    You left off a pretty big detail!  How does your husband feel?  Hopefully, the 2 of you discussed this thoroughly before getting married, meaning you told him you weren't sure and he was ok with that.

    On the rest, there are some very big problems here for a marriage that's only a month old!  If your mom won't accept your stepkids into her home, I hope you understand that this isn't acceptable.  Your first loyalty is always to your husband, not a parent.  If he was willing to go to a restaurant for T-giving, this was nice of him but you need to tell your mom until she's willing to accept your family, there's no reason to be in contact.  

    On what to do, like I said, it's hard to say w/out knowing his opinion, but this reads to me like someone who's more enthusiastic about being pregnant, having showers and a cute new baby than someone who truly wants to raise a child.  There's nothing wrong with this, of course.  But if your mom is one of the people asking when you'll get pregnant, it's none of her business and I sure hope you don't cave in to any pressure she's applying.  For one thing, if she's not willing to accept your child's step siblings,  I would hope you'd be able to tell her she doesn't get to see any of them unless she accepts all of them.  This has huge potential to cause problems betw you and your husband, and if they happen, the fault lies with you.  He's not going to want his kids exposed to someone who barely tolerates them.  Please take this seriously!

  • A
    Lv 7
    3 months ago

    If you aren't sure, don't do it, you have plenty of time to settle into your new marriage and bond with the step kids. It is easy to see someone pregnant and only see the 'nice' aspects of it, Add in horrible morning sickness, back aches, hemmoroids, and if you get a fussy colicy baby forget about sleep

Still have questions? Get your answers by asking now.