Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsSingles & Dating · 2 months ago

My boyfriend calls me 5 times a day, mad that I don’t call the same amount. Is it really a big deal since we already talk a lot in a day? ?

My boyfriend and I live in the same city and see each other a significant amount. He calls me at least five times a day on his breaks, lunch and when he gets off. Yesterday I couldn’t talk because I had to help my cousin all day sort things in her garage and haul a bunch of things in my truck. I told him the day before that I would be at her house all day, he calls me while I was in the middle of things so I texted him that I would call him later once I was done. I ended up calling him back when he got off. I told him that the past few nights I’ve been waking up at around 2am and not going back to bed until 5am. He asks why don’t I call him and I always tell him I’ll call him later when it’s night and never do until the next day (which isn’t always the case). He asked if he is that much of a bother and I told him no. He has to be clocked in to work at 8am plus he calls me 5 times a day already. In the evening I have things to do online (work) and we have already talked about all that we can talk about in a day or even enough for a week. He gets all whiny and says everyone does this to him. He’s always the initiator of calling and nobody calls him etc. I explained being that he calls as much as he does there’s no need or even an opportunity for me to call. We talk all freaking day! I just spent the past three days with him. I do have a life. Now he’s not answering my calls or texts. Is this really even a big deal? I feel like he is creating an issue where there is none. 

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  • 2 months ago
    Favorite Answer

    People date for a reason...to get to know one another to learn if they have a future together.

    Although all the signs are present, you have yet to learn that your boyfriend is needy and insecure. And, he is trying to manipulate you into  getting his own way, regardless of how irrational he is being. If you bother to take the time to evaluate your relationship with him, and if you are honest about it, you will be able to realize he has other ways of controlling you. Think about that.

    For now, you are annoyed at him demanding your attention. This behavior will only magnify in time. Wait and see. You do not realize it yet, but you ARE in an unhealthy relationship.

    Is it a big deal? Hell yes, it is a big deal. Having someone check up on you 5 times a day is NOT normal. Him getting angry that you are preoccupied with your life IS A BIG DEAL. He is not calling you every two to three hours for any reason other than to check up on you because it is otherwise just not normal.

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  • 2 months ago

    His need for constant communication is a sign of an unhealthy attachment/relationship and in my experience this sort of thing leads to abuse, which can take many forms.  

    He IS creating the issue and this behavior is a sign of a much bigger issue that will undoubtedly come up if you continue the relationship.

    If you are under 20, this may be a learning experience for him about self control.  If you are (and he is) over 20, (and even if you are both younger than that really) my advice would be to ... discontinue the relationship.

    This doesn’t need to be a big announcement, showdown, formal notice of end of relationship.  He is currently stonewalling you, just stop calling and texting and when he turns around and contact you, and he will, don’t respond.  If he pushes or confronts you, simply tell him you are busy.  If you need more help on that, google “how to break up” and read.

    We tend to attract and be attracted to the same sort of person because of our personal histories and upbringing.  I’ve been attracted to this sort several times.  It always ends badly.  The attention is flattering and makes one feel special, then it becomes stifling, then intolerable.

    Good luck.

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  • 2 months ago

    He thinks that he owns you I bet he will cause you problems

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  • 2 months ago

    Your BF is very needy and clingy. You're going to end up feeling smothered and restricted if you try to respond to all his communication--and he needs to know you don't care for so much contact all the time. I can certainly understand that. you seem to be relatively independent, and he isn't. That's a major incompatibility. You'll have to talk to him about this--and it wouldn't surprise me one bit if it leads to a breakup. When one partner feels rejected because they can't have the contact they want, (not NEED--want) then the other partner is going to end up resenting the intrusions. And they will probably just become more annoying. I'd seriously consider the relationship in terms of this--later on, down the road, are you going to want this sort of manipulative, passive-aggressive behavior in your life? 

    He is definitely trying to guilt you into responses you don't want to make. Reassess this relationship before it gets worse. 

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    Lv 6
    2 months ago

    He sounds needy. Too needy

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  • 2 months ago

    Its overkill.He doesnt need to contact you that often and you shouldnt either.Its one thing to invest time in each other but not like that.

    Tell your boyfriend he needs to control himself.He needs to cut back.No one has that much to say they need to contact 5 times a day and expect their partner to contact them too.Either tell him to cut back or break up with him. 

  • 2 months ago

    Five times a day is a lot but to me he comes as not only clingy but he must be lonely or not have too much to do after work if he's calling you that much and i get that he doesn't like to be the initiator but i see it from your side too. How are you supposed to call him first when he's always the one doing it first? im not sure where his clinginess is stemming from maybe it's just his personality but he needs a wake up call and he's not answering your calls or texts now because he probably feels like you're only doing it now because he complained about it. I think if you two took a small break from spending time together then everything would be better. If you think about it you kind of said what his problem was without realizing it. He's creating an issue when there isn't one maybe that's what he does and maybe that was why he was single before you. Just something to think about. Good luck and hope this helps.

    • Sabeera2 months agoReport

      I like this answer. I agree we do need a break. We have been dating over a year and come to think about it this has happened before. 
      Things will be going good then he will randomly freak about something that’s not even serious. It’s too much  

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  • 2 months ago

    Insisting on monopolizing your time and always being available to him is a red flag and sign of an unhealthy relationship. Proceed with EXTREME caution.

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  • Jesere
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    RED FLAG major control issues, you are getting the silent treatment guilt trip, while he is pouting because he didn't get his way, so he is gonna make you text or call until he decides to respond to you..."so there"....it only gets worse. 

    • Sabeera2 months agoReport

      True 😬 

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  • Kaylee
    Lv 6
    2 months ago

    Tell him to give you some time to miss him. Him calling 5 times a day is implying he calls every 2-3 hours. I don’t know about you but I don’t truly miss someone only after 2-3 hours. He’s doing too much. 

    • Sabeera2 months agoReport

      Yes! It’s literally after about 3 hours. I told him the same, give me an opportunity to call and have new things to talk about. He said I probably wouldn’t even call if he did give me the opportunity 🙄. Just like you said.. he’s doing too much. 

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