What can I do when my husband undermines me when it comes to our children ?
I cook dinner everyday slaving over the stove making home cooked meals and my husband goes and buys the boys pizza. And this isn’t just a once in a while treat for them he constantly buys them pizza and he knows how long i slave over the cook trying to cook a nice dinner. I just spent $200 at the grocery store getting a ton of fresh fruit vegetables meats etc and he goes and buys the boys pizza immediately afterwards. I don’t mind them eating pizza but not when I’ve slaved over the stove trying to make a nice meal. He buys our sons pizzas so much that they don’t even want home cooked meals. My eldest son who is 17 will eat home cooked meals every blue moon but he said he has to be in the mood for a home cooked meal. I just feel like I’m wasting all this money on groceries too. I constantly have to throw away food that’s spoiled because my sons eat fast food. I have 12 baked chicken thighs in the fridge I’m probably going to have throw away because it’s been 4 days and my sons have barely touched them.
- AmarettaLv 71 month ago
You clearly don't like cooking since you used the word "slave" three times in discussing your cooking. It's time to sit down with your family and tell them that you're tired of cooking meals that they won't eat. Ask them what their favorite meals are. If they prefer pizza or similar foods, then tell them that it will only be the simple foods they prefer from now on, but you're going to cook healthy meals for yourself. Try that for a month or two and see how things go. You may be happier if you aren't "slaving" over meals they won't eat. And your husband won't be undermining you with pizza it its agreed that you will be eating pizza that night.
- Anonymous1 month ago
Freeze the cooked chicken.
You need to wise up and go on strike. Stop this frustrating cycle. Buy a couple loaves of bread and cold cuts. When the family is hungry, they get sandwiches until your selfish disrespectful husband gets the god damn hint.
Do buy and cook what you want to eat in a single portion for yourself.
Your husband needs a good talking to. Pick two pizza nights a week so you are on the same page. Sorry, but your husband is a clueless bafoon.
Edit...I just have to share this....
My husband often gave into the children's whims under minding basic rules. For instance...I was cooking dinner, the table was set, drinks poured, ready to eat in literally 5 minutes. My 6 year old son kept saying he was hungry. I replied..good, we will be eating in five minutes, did you wash your hands?
He tells his father he is STARVING. Hubby wants to open a bag of Cheetoes and I say no, I am serving dinner in two minutes. Hubby takes out the bag of Cheetoes and says his kid is starving so he is going to give him a snack. I was suddenly infuriated because hubby and I already talked about no snacks before dinner (ongoing issue with kids manipulating him claiming to be STARVING). I grabbed the bag of Cheetoes, threw them to the floor and jumped on the bag...POOF, the bag exploded and the Cheetoes shot across the floor and I stepped all over them. My family never saw me act that way as they stood there, frozen with wide eyes. I grabbed my car keys and told them "this mess had better be cleaned up by the time I get home. Help yourself, dinner is ready. I left and used Hubbys credit card to take myself out to dinner.
When I got home, the kitchen was spotless, the kids were bathed and ready for bedtime.
I had to make a fool of myself to make an impression on them. Hubby never gave the kids snacks before dinnertime again!
- JaneLv 71 month ago
First of all, put it out of your mind that he is undermining you- even if he is! The reason I suggest this, is that food and cooking seems to have turned into some kind of power game between you and your hubs, involving your sons. So stop playing the game. Just step away, but don't make a 'thing' out of it or they will see it as part of the game eg. mommy's protest. I don't know how old your other sons are, but your 17 year old is perfectly capable of cooking if he wants to learn, many kids much younger cook for themselves regularly. I agree that pizza every day is rubbish for nutrition, weight etc, so what you could do is chat in a relaxed way with your sons about what kind of foods they would like to see in your stores that they can use for themselves. They might make loads of equally unhealthy suggestions and also ready meals in the freezer. Fine.If they want to learn to cook, teach them.
Secondly, I wonder if it might be time for you to give more attention to yourself- if the kids are more independent, perhaps you now have the chance to think about what else you would like to do, maybe change career, take up interesting volunteer work to meet more new people, enjoy music/arts and crafts/go out for exercise.....whatever you fancy that you haven't been able to do as you're too busy 'slaving'. Thing is, your sons will become independent and leave home at some point. I'm not saying you will experience this, but I definitely felt the empty nest when my daughter left for her adult life, and it took me a little while to find my feet again- and now I love it! We have a great adult relationship.
I hope your hubs adjusts when this happens, good luck to him as he seems a bit stuck in his ways.
- wind_updollLv 71 month ago
This is a common problem. He obviously wants that over the meals you seem unenthusiastic about “slaving” over. Ask him to help create a weekly menu, and to pitch in. Avoid shopping until you’ve reduced your supply.
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- Christin KLv 71 month ago
How many times does this have to happen before you quit trying so hard to do the thing you KNOW isn't working? Your husband is indeed undermining your relationship with your boys--and your marriage--by not respecting or insisting that the kids eat home prepared meals you have made. He's also disrepecting YOU as a person, because all his actions say "I don't care what you do or how you do it, it's worthless to the rest of us." Is that how you want to live? Is that the kind of relationship you want to have? STOP COOKING. Don't get teary or whiny about others not eating your food. Just cook for yourself. Let them eat all the pizza they want--no it's not healthy, but maybe if you stop cooking altogether they will lose interest in baiting you with their behavior. And you will not be wasting food.
As for your husband, the two of you need some serious counseling if he acts like this all the time--there's a deeper issue at stake. It's not just the food here--it's the way he constantly keeps making you look foolish. Quit cooking and call a family therapist.
- JohnLv 71 month ago
If you aren't smart enough to talk to your husband then how did you come to be able to get on YA and type the question?
- Anonymous1 month ago
I say, thats a great insult, yous are to use to each other? Go for help, or separate,
- kswck2Lv 71 month ago
Sounds like you have a communication issue with your husband. Try talking to him, rather than us.
- Anonymous1 month ago
Sounds like poor communication. Inform them all if you are planing to cook. Or ask your husband to inform you if he's planing to buy pizza, but I'm not the marriage counselor in the room.
It sounds like nobody likes your cooking anyway if they're not eating it. And if they did, 12 chicken thighs is way too much for 4 people. Not even a bodybuilder is going to eat 3 thighs and a side in one sitting. Cooking has become cool and hip in recent years but it doesn't fit into everybody's life, especially if it didn't for the past 25 years before.
- Nikki PLv 71 month ago
Make dinner for yourself. Stop "slaving" over the stove.
Let them eat the pizza while you have a nice healthy dinner.
Spend as little as possible on the food you make for yourself, tuck the rest away you will need it when you hire a divorce attorney