Why am I having these thoughts?
My husband and I wanted to have a baby. But he’s infertile. So we had to use a sperm donor. A guy we know agreed to help us out and soon afterwards, I was pregnant.
The problem is that now I’m 5 months pregnant and whenever my husband starts talking about “our kid”, I always feel annoyed. I start thinking, “It’s not your baby! Your not his dad”.
I feel guilty after having these thoughts. But they won’t go away. I keep having them. Is that a normal part of pregnancy? Will I start to think of him as the dad once the baby is born?
- AlexaLv 41 month ago
You are having these thoughts because you feel resentment towards your husband for being infertile. They may be subconscious thoughts in the back of your mind. Please don't be defensive or ashamed this is a very common occurrence for women due to society teaching us that sterile people, especially men, are inferior, and that not being able to conceive naturally is embarrassing and tragic. You may love your husband, but you are also having a natural reaction to feeling judged by society and being 'different from normal'. I'm sure he is feeling the exact same way about himself and is seeking reassurance by making "our kid" a point in his dialogue. He wants to know if you think he is a failure is asking you this in a very subtle way. There are programs to help families using donors work through common psychological worries, therapists who specialize in mothers and fathers working through this exact issue who know how to help you both heal. Talk to your doctor about this (alone if needed) and ask for a referral to talk to someone about this, they'll know exactly what you mean. Hope this helps.
- pit bulls biteLv 71 month ago
sounds like a poor decision........adoption would have been better........neither of you being blood parent
- 1 month ago
Do you consider the other man the father? You seem to resent your husband, ask yourself why. Is he being cruel as he refers to ‘our kid’? I hope you two work it out. I’m sorry this is your plight.
- SandyLv 71 month ago
you need therapy. you have a lot of anger, towards your husband and yourself. you didn't have this conversation with your husband prior to marrying him. (it sounds like this would have been a deal breaker). did he know he was infertile and didn't tell you, or was it a surprise for you both? either way, you both should get marriage counseling before the baby comes. your resentment towards him will only grow if you don't.