Can someone give me feedback on my poem?

The calming tide lures me in

Keen to begin I look out

The roaring waves rise upward

Fear and fret I am without

White flashes and shades of blue

All I view is thrill and roar 

I duck dive and feel dismayed

The stunning blue is no more

Green and fog with seaweed flies

Sting goes my eyes while inside

I lift my head up and see

The majestic waves crash down

Engulfed and with joy at sea

I am floating to get home

No need to comb through the wave

Looking up at the sun’s rays

Prevail at what the sea gave 

11 Answers

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  • FLASH
    Lv 7
    5 days ago

    I found it confusing.

  • 3 weeks ago

    I liked this poem...you thought the water was calm at first but then it surprised you with some action...I feel like you're writing from the perspective of a duck with its little ducklings behind her...I dunno if it needs a rewrite...it's a good poem.

  • 3 weeks ago

    The drinks and music lures me in

    Karen! I shout

    My genitals rise upward

    desires my brain is clout

  • 3 weeks ago

    Keen to begin what? Are you on a boat? Standing on the shore? Are you fishing? Going somewhere? A poem is just another way to tell a story---so tell the story. All I get from this is you and turbulent water and something stinging your eyes before things calmed down again.

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  • 1 month ago

    This is a great poem. I am giving an online award on behalf of institute of performing art and mind power development. 

  • 1 month ago

    The bending of the sytax to accomidate the rhyme destroys it. "Fear and fret I am without" is the worst example. And what is it that prevails? The predicate is lost in the sentence structure.

  • phoebe
    Lv 6
    1 month ago

    The rhythm is off, especially with the first stanza.  Sometimes its Duh duh duh Duh duh duh and sometimes it's Duh duh Duh duh Duh duh.  It'd help to choose one or the other.

    The words are evocative, but probably not made for the best use for imagery.  

    If it's allowed, you could try a freeform version of the poem and see what results from that.

  • 1 month ago

    The 'calming' tide is the opposite of the rest of the severe wave action.  It's a word that doesn't fit. 

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    Good imagery. However, the overall feeling is very confusing. I’m not sure what this poem is about. A lot of beginner poets write like this. Using lots of powerful words and strong imagery. Try to strip down your poems and use simpler words. The feeling of the poem will be more powerful if it makes sense. Start with an idea and build up a clear and concise story in poem format. 

  • John
    Lv 4
    1 month ago

    too long. try four senyances

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