Does this make me shallow?

I've made it no secret that when I met my wife she was everything I was looking for in a woman. We're black so she was very light skinned, sometimes mistaken for white. She had very long wavy hair and weighed about 105 lbs. I have always has an affection for think light skinned girls. Several years into dating my wife decided that she was tired of being the skinny girl. She said that she was always the skinny one in high school and even during several stints in 2 branches of the military and even her first marriage and 2 kids later. She decided to put on weight. She's now up to around 150 or 160 lbs. Now our sex life has suffered. Even thought I still love her I do not find her sexually attractive. And she has made it clear, she's not going back down to her previous weight. For months now she's been complaining about our lack of sexual activity and I've told her it's her weight. In her mind I should still desire her no matter what weight she is. Now some may say that 156 or 160 isn't that much for a woman to be but that's not the woman I fell in love with. No health issues, no additional kids. Nothing. She just decided that she was tired of being a size 2 or 4 but has now gotten up to a 12/14 and even some 16 clothes. I just don't find her sexually attractive right now. Does this make me shallow?

26 Answers

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    So, what is she to do when you begin to go bald or have erection issues as you age?

    I highly doubt she is a size 14 or 16. I weigh in the 155 range and I am a size 12.

    I do not think you love her as much as you say you do.

  • 1 month ago

    No it does not make you shallow.  As men we can like what we like in women its okay. It is okay for women to like what they like in men and they will tell everyone straight up. Tell your wife to "woman up" and do what pleases you, lose some weight woman. 

  • KTJoe
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    No not shallow but you're a cheater. Been fooling around with a skinny bimbo now wife is no longer attractive. Save that weight issue stuff.   

  • 1 month ago

    No, it doesn't make you shallow. You obviously have a very small window of what you consider attractive. We can't help who we are attracted to--or why. You COULD appreciate your wife for what she is--and let her know--but if it's sex she wants and you don't, then you are basically no longer compatible. That's not something you're "responsible" for fixing--it's a two-way street here. If you didn't like broccoli, and she served it at every meal, you'd have a perfectly reasonable reaction and not eat it. 

    You can't force your wife to adopt a body style for YOU. You can't ask her to modify her looks just because you want them different. She's not comfortable at the lower weight. That's her prerogative. 

    So you have two choices:  either split up and find someone who IS sexually attractive, or stay in a marriage where you aren't attracted to your wife. It doesn't give you a pass to have affairs if you stay. It doesn't mean you should nag and harass her about her weight, either. You either accept her at her weight now, and do the best you can to fulfill your sex life, or you DON'T. 

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  • 1 month ago

    I am a woman and I agree with you!! I was overweight when I met my (future) husband. When I piled on the weight even more during pregnancy, he went off his head insulting me. When I stopped crying, (like HE was a prize!) 'I' went off my head and told him/reminded him that I was overweight when he met me - that if he wanted Miss World, he should have married her (as if!!) He never brought it up again. In your case, your wife is not the person you married. Putting on a bit of weight could be considered 'normal' (!) as you age, but to have the perfect body to then balloon out after marriage is false advertising . . .   

  • 1 month ago

    You didn't mention what has happened to your weight over the years.  Trust me you probably aren't the man she married in a few ways too.

    People like what they like but she is right, if you love her you would want to be intimate and pleasure her

  • 1 month ago

    Its makes you a RACIST as you started out saying you like light skin and white girls.. YOU BLACK and RACIST AGAINST BLACK GIRLS..

  • 1 month ago

    Sort of, but you can’t help it if you don’t find her attractive. Perhaps you could encourage her to take part in some healthy eating together, and begin exercising. The only mention you should have about her weight would be your concern over her health, nothing more. 

  • 1 month ago

    You have the wrong idea of marriage. It is for better or worse... etc. I was with my wife for 36 years. Lots of things change in life. But your vows don't.

  • 1 month ago

    Your wife sounds like a strong independent woman who did not want to be treated like an object by you. She wanted to be treated as fully human. If you want her to lose weight, she will have to believe that you love her for more than her former looks and regard her as an equal. That means it's time you made the effort to appreciate her larger body, as well as a brain, humor, creativity, opinions, etc. I don't think this makes you shallow, but it tells me that you are not doing the work necessary to make the relationship stronger. The two of you might consider couples counseling. 

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