Anonymous asked in Society & CultureEtiquette · 1 month ago

Why are single, childless women over 45 so harshly and cruelly judged? And what to say when you are judged or questioned?


Without being rude..

Update 2:

 Not all of us are meant to have kids..or can..

You never know someones life story

Update 3:

PAtronising “concern” is not ok

Update 4:

Trolls and hate are reported..

16 Answers

  • 1 month ago

    I don't think you're really "judged" as "harshly" as you think, but it's certainly true that a lot of people do believe it's wrong and unnatural for a woman not to want children.

    Just smile and say, "It just never happened. But I'm happy as I am" and change the subject. If they keep coming back to it, say, "I'd really rather not talk about it any more" and if they STILL persist, walk out of the room and delete them from your life. Who needs people like that around them?

    PS My husband and I both knew before we even got engaged that neither of us wanted children. We've had some rude reactions, and disappointed my mother in law, but in the end, nobody HAS to listen to other people being rude to them.

  • 1 month ago

    Think up a good story (preferably one that can't be proved or disproved) – one that explains your situation in a believable, sympathetic way.  

    – I was engaged once, but my fiancé went off to fight in (Korea, Vietnam, Afghanistan ... depending on your age) and never came back.  I never found anyone else I loved.  

    – I've always believed that people should be married before having children.   

    – I was married once, but we never had any children.  We're divorced now.  

    Hopefully such tales will shut them up, those nosy people.

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    I have a friend and his wife is 44 and they dont have children.   As a friend, I never talked about children or ask anything if they want any children.   It is called being polite and considerate.   I'm not one of those losers who gossips about other people.   If you like to tell bad things about other people, it means you feel insecure about yourself and you are the one who is the loser.    Please free to be relief if you are not married if you are 45.

  • 1 month ago

    Telling them it's a personal choice won't work - so I'd lie and say I had a medical condition that prevented conception. Some people really CAN'T have children and are broken hearted about it, but my lie would make them feel bad for intruding into something they have no right to ask.

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  • Lili
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    I've known plenty of older single women without children.  I've had some in my own family.

    They tend to be professionals who put career over marriage and children.  In my social circles, that is not considered a problem, nor is it considered all that unusual.

    Perhaps you need to hang out with different types of people.

  • 1 month ago

    Traditionally, society believed women needed to be married and have children in order to feel complete, and even in our modern times, remnants of this attitude still linger by some pockets of the population.  There is still an expectation that every woman wants/needs to be married and have children, and the alternative is not understood by many.  There is no obligation to respond if someone questions why a woman is not married or has no children, but if you choose to speak, respond in a manner that feels right for you.  You do not have to provide any details or a justification about your life, and you could simply ask that your private life be respected.

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    Because they're often either crazy or mean.

  • Pearl
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    cause some people are just mean by judging them

  • Foofa
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    What to say would depend on what they're saying. Clearly no rational person would ever just say, "you're bad because you're over 45 and have no children". So listen to what they're actually criticizing you for. If it's legitimately for your age and childlessness then you'll know they're nuts and not worth your time. If it's anything else then address just that thing and stop assuming that their underlying motives are the very things you apparently feel badly about in yourself. 

  • Lisa M
    Lv 4
    1 month ago

    My sister is unmarried and with no children yet. I feel bad for her because she's afraid to jump into that life. I don't blame her because of the divorce rate. She wants to be married before having kids. However, the fear is so strong that she keeps getting into relationships that will go nowhere. She was also in very abusive relationship with a very bad guy in university. She stayed with him way too long. That probably frightened her away from commitment also. But I don't judge her. I think by now it's a conscious decision to not have children. 

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