Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 1 month ago

My wife is an Alcoholic and it's destroying our marriage. How can I change her? ?

My wife is an Alcoholic, and she often passes out on the couch drunk and does not even make it to bed. When I get mad and confront her, she says that she does not have a problem. Now she is trying to turn her family against me by saying that I don't love her and that I am distant with her. I do love her! I am distant, but for a good reason. Her family doesn't know how bad her drinking is. 

33 Answers

  • 1 month ago

    aww im sorry your wife is an alcoholic... you cant fix  her to leave her,that may wake her up, if not accept its over cause your life will be REAL miserable living with a drunk ..she will promise she wont drink anymore   but will never keep her promise

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    "Alcoholic" is a MEDICAL diagnosis, not the description of someone who drinks too much too often.  How do I know?  My father (and my grandfather and my sister are alcoholics.  You can't change anyone who doesn't want to change.  It's just that simple.  You can join an AA family support group.  Your anger changes nothing,.

    I hope you don't have children.  Having an alcoholic parent changes a child's view of life.

  • 1 month ago

    I was an 'alcoholic'. There were times I wanted it so bad I could taste it. And I was an ugly drunk throwing things/smashing furniture. I had counselling and even medication to kill the 'urge'. At the time I was with my second husband who was a lazy, lying con artist and my (adult) daughter was living with us (she co owned the house with me). When he wasn't working up ways to make me do even more work around the house for him - all the time making out how much he 'loved' me while mocking me and making fun of the way I did things. My daughter did what she liked around the house and would tell me she owned half of it and would do as she pleased if I pulled her up over something. She liked to set me up as well, to then abuse me if I stood up to her. I noticed when I was drunk, I used to stand up to the pair of them, never backing off like I used to when sober. The daughter noticed that as well one night when I just kept screaming back at her screams until SHE shut it - as a result of that, she told me drunks were a pain in the *** and forbid alcohol in the house. Of course, since then I divorced him and sold the house. Guess what? I can drink to whatever level I feel like at the time with absolutely NO trouble with anyone! And have done so for over a decade!! My point is, is your wife unhappy about something on a deeper level? If you're serious about helping her - look honestly at what you may be contributing to her 'condition'.

  • tammy
    Lv 6
    1 month ago

    They know and if your distant keep going. Your doing her a favor either your the cause or you leaving will wake her up. Either way sounds like it’s best you go your way.

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  • 1 month ago

    You need to run....not walk to Al-Anon. You can't save her.....but you already knew that. 

  • 1 month ago

    Take secret videos of her drunkenbeha iorand photos of her passed out on the couch. This is a good way for you to show her as you see her. Maybe even her family needs to see how bad her drinking habit really is.

    The problem is that she will not face treatment u til she gets out of denial and seeks the help herself. She needs a wake up call or to reach some sort of an I'm pass in order to seeksobriety.

    You cannot force her to help herself. But, you can make some choices of your own in the meanwhile. Go to Alanon meetings to help you cope and not become an enabler.

    I suppose you can give her an ultimatum that she needs to stop drinking and deal with her emotions without booze or destroy your marriage instead.

  • 1 month ago

    You don't have the power to change her or force her to realize her problem.  What you do have the power to do is stop enabling her to her disease and share her dirty little secret to all concerned.  This is not to gain their favor (to take sides), but just to put the truth on the table and let people understand what is happening.  Often you have to take care of yourself and do what is necessary to make you happy which may include leaving her (notice I didn't say divorce).

  • 1 month ago

    If she can't admit that she has a problem there is really no way to help her.  That's the first step, and until she realizes she is an alcoholic she won't change anything.  I in the past have tried getting drunk along with my SO.  That didn't work since it caused us to argue.  So I eventually made him leave.  If her drinking and being drunk is annoying give her an ultimatum.

  • mokrie
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    You cannot change another person that doesn't want to change. My only advise is to leave her and tell her why. 

  • 1 month ago

    Why is she so unhappy that she feels a need to drink so much? 

    Call Al-anon for help with this.

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