? asked in Social ScienceGender Studies · 6 months ago

Is being incel a choice and possible to escape?

I’m a guy. 22. Never had a relationship. Nothing ever changes. Girls will never Be interested in me. I’d love to get some understanding from a. Girls perspective. And to the guys that have beat the incel life. I would love some motivation because this is getting dangerously triggering to my suicidal senses and I am worried I might need to call the Samaritans 

9 Answers

  • Anonymous
    6 months ago
    Favorite Answer

    Look I am just going to tell it like it is. 

    The root of your problem is simple. You just arent going out enough. Or, if you are, you arent approaching enough women, if you are approaching any at all. 

    I realize that television and or whatever other media you consume make it seem like you dont have to approach women in order either find one who wants to be with you, or get good enough to find one who wants to be with you; but the thing is, you got to put yourself out there. 

    And yes, that is going to entail great humiliation and rejection. Of which is going to be at times unbearable. Hell you may even encounter women who are very schitty to you in their rejections. 

    But it is your life. You can just stay withdrawn and not take any risks with women (or anything for that matter. Because we all know that men who suck with women usually struggle in other areas of their lives too). Or you can deal with a little pain and discomfort and better yourself and take risks. 

    Either way, I guarantee you this problem wont fix itself. I was 21 when I started studying Pickup Artistry and Seduction. I was 28 when I started going out and trying to meet women. And I just started seeing results about a year ago at the age of 31. As of late I have been with about 30+ women. 

    Seriously, dont wait for bitsches to just magically fall in your lap. Irregardless of whether or not you consume dating advice/Pickup Artistry literature. 

  • Nat
    Lv 4
    6 months ago

    A lot of heinous looking guys have attractive girlfriends. Your looks aren't your problem, if you think they are. Your barrier is purely your attitude 

  • Anonymous
    6 months ago


    1sťly I want to say that I'm not a big-fån

    ôf dėmėaning word's such as "incel" buť

    måny cån change while other's may nôť

    my cuz !!


  • Anonymous
    6 months ago

    It's possible not to be an incel if you change what it is that's making you an incel.

    You need to be totally honest with yourself. Why are girls not interested in you? Is it the way you look? Is it your personal hygiene? Is it your personality? Are you on welfare and live in a dive apartment? Do you have mental health issues? Or do you have problems with your confidence that make you believe women will never be interested?

    All of those things are fixable. I truly believe that there are very few people on this earth that are genuine "incels." The problem with a lot of people who claim they cannot find a partner is that they want someone who is out of their league. There is nothing wrong with refusing to settle but in that case, they're no longer incels, but have made the choice to be single. 

    To put it in perspective though, having a relationship is not the only thing that is fulfilling in life. Work, friends, hobbies, traveling, studies, and many other things can make your life worthwhile. Fixating on one facet will do you no good. All you can do is make yourself the best version of you than you can be, maximize all the other fulfilling things I mentioned, and if you're suicidal you really should consult a medical professional because therapy could help. 

  • How do you think about the answers? You can sign in to vote the answer.
  • ?
    Lv 6
    6 months ago

    It's a bit of a choice

  • Anonymous
    6 months ago

    I don't get laid. But the reason I don't get laid is simple.

    1) I don't work out. I make enough money for ME and not much more. I don't take care of myself.

    2) I refuse to chase women.

    3) I refuse to settle for anything less than a 7. But I'm a 4, 5 on a good day.

    Is that INVOLUNTARY? Well, no. I refuse to do the work. That's my choice. If I DID do all the work and/or lowered my standards, I would almost certainly get laid. The odds that I would not would be the same as going to a buffet and they're out of food.

    That said, even if I was Brad Pitt, it would still be up to a woman to say 'yes'. So there is the risk of 'involuntary celibacy' for any man and for any woman. Barring rape but since I'm a softie and I respect human beings, rape is out.

  • Anonymous
    6 months ago

    Incelism is a mental disease.  No, I don't mean the individual young man who hasn't figured it out.  There's a sick dynamic that comes into place whenever you get a group of self proclaimed incels.  They start pulling each other down but they can't see it because it becomes such a part of their self identity.  It's scarily similar to grief support groups.  There are good ones, of course, just like not every online gathering of males wondering how to get a date are toxic, but lots are.  I watched my husband's cousin become consumed by a grief forum after her son died unexpectedly.  Every time she started to show signs of getting to a stage of re-engaging with the real world her "friends" would drag her down into that raw place again.  Places like 4chan that was and the places incels frequent now are just the same.  Like a frog being boiled in a pot you don't notice that your desire for a connection is being hollowed out and replaced with the group identity of incel liking a creeping parasite.  Every time one almost makes that leap into a better, healthier, happier place his "friends" dogpile him to keep him with them.  It's really sad to watch.

    Calling the samaritans is a good move.  I know it sounds drastic, but they're not going to come hunt you down.  Sometimes a real life human voice on the line giving you their full attention is exactly the right thing.  It's not weak to give them a call.  Nobody is going to know unless you tell them about it and why should you?  It's none of their business.

    If you've not had a relationship yet it's because there are other things going on in your life that you need to get to grips with, and no, I don't mean money.  At 22 being a skint student just trying to figure stuff out is totally to be expected.  You've got to feel reaosnably okay in your own skin first.  Also, it's covid times so everything is a bit weird, the "normal" ways of doing things are temporarily suspended, so there's that too.

  • Bill
    Lv 7
    6 months ago

    Do you know what incel stands for? Incel stands for "involuntary celibate". As you can see the answer to your question is in the name of the group. 

    Anyway, your problem is not that women don't like you, but that you believe they don't like you. The thing is you have probably had several women in your life show interest, but since you were depressed and filled with self doubt you missed it. 

  • ?
    Lv 5
    6 months ago

     Plenty of women will date a pathetic loser, but no one's gonna date someone that sees themself as a pathetic loser. Have you tried getting one? There's plenty of dating apps and you could always just hire a prostitute. You might be a bit young to consider it but when you get older you could just go for one of the over 30's, they're always desperate to have kids and settle down. Just make yourself desirable. 

Still have questions? Get your answers by asking now.