How to get rid of internalized homophobia ?

I’m a 17 year old gay male. And I have come out to my friends and close family 6 months ago but I still feel like something is very wrong with me and that my life isn’t worth it and will suck and that i am less of a person. I do have a therapist who was helpful but once i got more into this they weren’t as helpful so i might switch. It’s other people too. I could be perfectly fine with someone but once I learn that they are gay, or if someone comes out I immediately feel disgusted and think they must have a horrible life, and my heart literally pounds when i’m near gay people, yeah i know it’s ridiculous that it works me up so much. I just don’t know why gay people exist and i hate myself and don’t know how to make it stop. Like I want to be happy but this is really in my way and I also want to order a pride flag for my room,,, like do you think this could help me? I just need help and suggestions. 

3 Answers

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  • Tj
    Lv 7
    3 weeks ago

    Time to find a gay or gay friendly therapist.   There are many mature gay men that are more than willing to talk to you, answer questions with no judgement of you.  Try silverdaddies.    com and see if someone will chat with you...it is also free.

  • Craig
    Lv 5
    3 weeks ago

    You need to calm down, son.

    Just take a deep breath and exhale it slowly & deliberately.  Relax.  So you think you might like boys.  That's a big deal to you now, but I assure you - it won't be in another few years.  It simply won't.  You'll have to trust me on that, because you don't have the capacity to understand it or even take it as an article of faith.  So don't even try to convince yourself of it.  All you need to do is incorporate it into your thoughts.  In. Another. Few. Years. Being. Gay. Won't. Be. A. Big. Deal.

    It doesn't go away, you know.  It never changes.  If you're gay at 17 you'll be gay at 27.  You'll be gay at 47.  You'll be gay at 67.  You'll be gay at 87.  That's never going to change.  But it WILL become less interesting, less compelling - and certainly much less of a big deal.

    Right now you're worried about everybody hating you, everybody being disappointed in you, everybody making fun of you, everybody looking down on you.  You're thinking of particular people in your life and thinking "What will he think?" or "What will she say?"  You can't believe that you've turned out to be one of those guys that you used to make fun of with your friends.  You're a failure as a man, even before you've started.

    Well, here's some news:  Being a good man doesn't have much to do with sex - practically nothing, in fact.  Being a man is about defining your own set of principles (not turning to teachers, priests, or parents to do that for you) and then sticking by them no matter how hard it gets).  I've seen a lot of straight guys with all the perks absolutely fail at manhood...and I've seen several little queers who turned out to be some of the finest men I know.

    As for what everybody else thinks or does...how do I say this politely? ...Perhaps "F them".  They are in charge of THEIR lives, not mine and not yours.  They get to do what THEY want with them - without regard to what you or I think about it.  And so do we.

    You don't need some sort of talisman to cling to.  What you need is to realize that, with any luck, life is long and the only person you have to satisfy is yourself.  You're a gay man.  You'll always be a gay man.  No need for panic.  Welcome to the pack.

  • 3 weeks ago

    ununununuinununun

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