Anonymous asked in Pregnancy & ParentingNewborn & Baby · 2 months ago

1 year old crying 3 hours -sleep training ?

My sons 18 months and has never been a good sleeper. We have a bedtime routine with dinner, bath, pajamas, cuddles and rocking chair, go to his bed, read books, then sleep. He’s not actually sleeping until 11-12 each night. We tried cry it out method and I gave in after 5 minutes of him crying. The next night my husband had me go to my moms and he was going to sleep train him and he cried for 2.5 hours straight before he fell asleep. Tonight I did the same and it’s been 3 hours of crying, to the point hes hyperventilating and puking. My husband won’t give in because he says if we do it’s just wasted. He went in cleaned him up, changed the bedding and put him back to sleep with no cuddles or talking. I feel like my babies being abused. He says he’s researched the “extinction” method of sleep training and is doing everything right. 

Can someone share their experiences with sleep training? This is the last night I can do it this way. I hate knowing he’s crying and nobody is comforting him but my husband says that’s why he’s like this. 

9 Answers

  • 2 months ago

    This answer/opinion is based on the idea that you and your husband are in union on the present "method" of getting your youngster to sleep.  If after a year of when you have told all of us on ANSWERS, I would take the child to my GP/Pediatrician and really get him/her looked at.  If it is just a case of stubborn will, well guess what you both have to look forward to cause a year of crying till vomiting is a pretty WILL-FILLED child.  Also as the child grows up, he'll start to THINK beyond his own little world and develop his own opinion of how he is being treated. Yah and if there are needs that you as parents have not picked up on because of a method, a "our way or the Highway",  you deemed correct to get a child to sleep, well there will be a time where his perception as a child might see and feel loss.  We're animals and some new born's bond deeply with the mother at birth, they clean the child up and place it with his mother,..., it's a bonding move. A lot can go wrong with that too. I did not circumcise my son, and there is a break in that bonding when you do.  Child is born- given to mom for 15 minutes or so and all is good, love, safety,..., then a sterile entity comes, straps the boy down and starts cutting,..., THEN gives the child back over to the only scent he knows,..., his mother's. Who will the child's 

     primal instinct remember for that all that pain pain? not the doctor's. 

    Best to start with a good physical AND emotional check-up at a specialist,..., but also with your gut feelings too. Good luck.

  • Bort
    Lv 6
    2 months ago

    As parents we want to take the best care of our children and we don't want them upset or crying for long periods of time for any reason. My guess is that if you're attempting to put him to bed shortly after eating it's possible he might have gas downstairs. Gas (farts that won't come out) can be painful for anyone, babies especially, and that could possibly be why he's crying - because he's uncomfortable or in pain. If you don't know already how to help a baby relieve abdominal air pockets (gas / farts):

    Youtube thumbnail


    In my opinion the nice woman in the video isn't being as gentle as I have always been while doing this. But what she shows definitely works. You don't needs meds or drops or anything, just move their legs around to help relieve the gastrial pain they might possibly have. Gas pains are common in new born infants up until they're around 2 or 3 years old and start pushing their farts out on their own. Infants of your childs' age have not yet developed the understanding of how to push those pesky air pockets out before they become painful to them the same as they don't yet understand how to tell when they have to go, they just....let things...go with the flow. At 18 months your little boy has probably began to start pushing when he has to #2 but they usually only do that after they realize there's something already leaving out that end. Moving their legs around like shown in the video above also helps ease the discomfort of belly aches.

    Another thing I'd like to mention about a baby's sleep habits and times is to remind you that he grew inside of you for up to 9 months. His sleep habits will be the same as your sleep habits and times were during that time throughout his life. If you think about it, and note, your own sleep habits are exactly the same as your mothers. A developing person isn't able to change their sleep schedule very easily and usually have a very hard time changing it until they're nearing at least 5 years old. A trick to get an infant to sleep when you want them to is simply, common sense, to wear them out with play and educating exercises. Sometimes working with them teaching them things like how to read and write starting with coloring or motor skills solving puzzel toys - working their brain - is the best way to cause them to be tired.

    It's never too early to start teaching your child anything. Anything at all. I began teaching all of my children how to read, write, type, and speak almost immediately the day they were born and they were all doing it by the time they were 2 years old (their name, the alphabet, they weren't fully capable of reading but they knew what words looked like and that understanding began their adventure of learning to read). All of my children were also crawling by the time they were a few months old, and walking very near 1 year old. My youngest daughter, who is now 24, was walking on her own at 6 months old. Her day was filled with learning and exercising to wear her out, and she slept for us very well at just a few weeks old including naps.

    Don't force sleeping. Nobody's going to be able to sleep if they're not tired, not exhausted enough to need to get some z's. I suggest more play, more learning things (absolutely everything!), and help his bumper end relief valve do it's job. Record them, and write songs with them? Maybe he's already a musician butt he could also be an engineer. 

  • Carrie
    Lv 4
    2 months ago

    You are on the right track. I would try putting him in the crib and rubbing his back and walking out. If he fusses, give it 5 minutes, then go in lay him back down gently,(shhhhh, its ok, shhh) rub his back again, walk out again. I would do this for several nights. This is exhausting. But its worth it in the long run.

  • 2 months ago

    If you give in and reward him by picking him up, you are actually reinforcing the crying.When a child learns that if he just cries long enough he will win, he will persist in crying until he wins. If he never gets rewarded, the crying behavior will extinguish itself.

    Go to your moms if you can't listen to the crying.

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  • Cammie
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    After the doctor give the OK, start and you and your your husband need to be on the same page.

    #1- Tell son that he has a bed time .He doesn't understand time yet so just let him know.Let him know he will sleep in his own bed all night long.

    #2- continue with your wonderful bedtime routine .Keep his area quiet.No bright lights.

    You are in for a long night.Don't give in at 5 minutes of crying.

    #3-After one story, say good night give a kiss and leave the room.It's ok to have a small night light on so he is not in complete darkness.

    #4- after he begines screaming go back in and say " It's time to sleep." Out of the room you go.

    #5- in the event he continues screaming, go back in and sit on the floor near his bed.No talking.Stay that way until he calms down and rests. This may take 1/2 hour to 2+ hours.

    #6- If he needs changing , do it.No talking.

    #7- as he begins to settle down, move closer to the door but stay on the floor.Eventually he will fall asleep.Quietly leave.

    #8- Even though he didn't get much sleep, get him up at a normal time.Continue with your daily schedule.He still gets a nap .

    #9- the second night, he will go down much easier.Follow the same directions.

    Good luck.

  • 2 months ago

    i feel like you have too many steps in there. I notice, at least with my 9 mo old, with cuddles it wakes her up, when it's nap/bed time, I can't look at her because she will force herself to stay up. i guess she sees that as a sign to play. IDK. I would just do dinner, bath, pajamas, bed, books, and sleep.

  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

    Sounds to me like you guys are doing everything right, and this may be something out of your control. It could be a case of separation anxiety. In this case, it'll be best to speak with a doctor or therapist to find reasonable options for your little guy. As hard as it is to accept, it happens. In the mean time, try to explain to him why mom and dad have been doing this to him, and perhaps give him an item such as a stuffed animal or even a photo of yourself to remind him that you're never too far away. I hope everything works out for your family! 

  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

    He’s crying because my husbands trying to do sleep training...if we stopped he never cried like this...that’s why I’m asking for advice on sleep training...🤦🏽‍♀️

  • 2 months ago

    maybe you should take him to a doctor to find out why hes crying

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