Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsFriends · 1 month ago

Advice on a childish, immature friend?

I have a longtime friend from grade school, and we have been fairly close over the  years. She is a nice person but is also extremely self-absorbed and immature. She is 39 years old, has gone from job to job, and lives in her dad's basement. She is terrible with money, spending it on things for herself but letting her car payment be late to the point where they have tried to repossess her car. She has also dated A LOT of people, and the relationships never work out because she has horrible judgment when it comes to men, and they also begin to see how childish she is. She is currently on unemployment and still spends money like it's water, going on vacations and buying herself jewelry. We have a lot of fun together and have the same sense of humor and have known each other for over 25 years, but lately at my age I'm getting sick of hearing all of the petty things she complains about, when the rest of us are dealing with actual real-life problems. I'm also at a point in my life where I need to respect the people I'm friends with - just getting along with them and having fun with them isn't enough anymore - and I don't respect her. I have tried to give her advice but haven't been 100% blunt either, because it would be incredibly hurtful. I have been considering ending our friendship and not speaking to her anymore, just walking away. Is that the best option, or should I lay it all out and tell her how I feel? I don't think she will grow up anytime soon.

3 Answers

  • Jerry
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    It sounds to me like some of what is going on is that you're upset she hasn't taken advantage of or benefited from your advice. If you "lay it all out" then the 

    1. tried to give you advice

    2. you rejected my advice

    3. therefore i don't respect you

    part is going to sound really petty and manipulative, you know? 

    I think you should make this about whether you want to totally cut this person out of your life or maybe instead just see less of her, maintain enough detachment to minimize your awareness of the financial and romantic negatives and bummers. Leave the "you don't take advice" part out of it. It would be a shame to totally cut ties to someone who has been a friend for so very long. You can still invite her to your parties without concerning yourself about her spending, her love life. 

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    I would try in a respectful way to lay it on the line for her.If it doesn't take, as you suspect that it wont, you have all the tools to socially distance yourself. I don't think it would be prudent, or kind to completely cut her out of your life unless your less of a person than you think you are. Just begin strengthening your other relationships and be less available to her 24/7.

                                                      Jus me.

  • 1 month ago

    You cant change people.

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