Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsEngagements & Weddings · 3 months ago

Wedding seating arrangements for in-laws who are divorced and hostile towards each other and their new spouses? Help!?

My fiance's parents divorced when he was young. They still hate - HATE - each other. His step dad and his dad are both loud and need to feel dominant in any situation (yep, MIL has a type!). 

One would think that given the circumstance of their child getting married that they would suck up their differences for the day. Unfortunately, there's little to no chance of that happening. Because of this, we can't have a designated family table.

My parents are very traditional and my immediate family is very close to me. To not have a designated family table would be considered an insult to them (and I personally feel it would be disrespectful not to honor my parents, siblings with a special designation to be at an intimate family table).

I do not want to have a long family table at the front where everyone sits on one side facing the room. 

Does anyone have ideas on how to handle this?

I have two sisters (both married) and he has two brothers (one married), so our immediate family + their spouses is 7 siblings/spouses & 6 parents. 


Were also considering eloping to avoid all this and open to tips on that as well!

15 Answers

  • Trish
    Lv 5
    2 months ago

    You can seat everyone at two separate tables...or three for that matter.  The long table in front is for the wedding party not the family.

  • Ocimom
    Lv 7
    3 months ago

    Seat them at two different tables far apart from each other.  Tell them that if they cause any problems at the reception they will be escorted out of the room and not allowed in - and follow thru!

  • Kelly
    Lv 7
    3 months ago

    You're over complicating this.

    Weddings I've attended where the bride or groom may have divorced or otherwise not together parents, the parents just had separate tables.

    A table for his mom & step dad and whomever they want with them.

    Another table for his dad & step mom (if there is one) and whomever they/he wants at that table.

    Essentially ask them who'd they like seated with them (other family members, close friends, etc) to fill the table.

    My parents had his and hers tables at my brothers wedding and they were married to each other.  This was mostly due to space, there wasn't enough room for everyone they wanted at one table.  My other brother and I were in the wedding so we sat with the rest of the wedding party and our respective partners joined my mom's table.

    Come to terms with his family does things different than yours would and neither of you is wrong for the way you do stuff.  My in-laws couldn't be more different than my family, they're quite prim & proper so I adapted to their way when I'm with them, and my husband adapts to our way when he's with us.

  • Foofa
    Lv 7
    3 months ago

    Divorced people often hate each other more than they love their children, and that's a shame. But if your parents can't understand the situation and agree to something a little less traditional just for the sake of peace you probably shouldn't marry this guy. His parents will always be at odds and it's going to affect everything you two ever try to do with your families of origin. It's not like the wedding is the end of the road, it's just the beginning. Put your parents at a table between two other tables. At one of those will sit your fiancé's father and stepmother, at the other will sit your fiancé's mother and stepfather. As with most things involving wedding arrangements, you can't please all of the people all of the time. Eloping isn't going to change a thing because when you get back home his parents will still be jerks. 

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  • drip
    Lv 7
    3 months ago

    Instead of two parent tables you have three. Have then all up in the front.

    One for your set of parents, one for his mother and one for his father. If need be have your parents table in between the other two.  Go ahead and a group your family as you like. 

    At my nieces wedding the brides parent’s  table was my brother and his wife, his wife sister and her husband and me and my husband. Siblings were at their own table with some 1st at cousins added in. Same was done with the grooms side. 

    Put one brother and wife with the mom and the other brother and wife with the dad.  You could ask the grooms mother  and father who else they would like at their table.

    Are t any of the the bride or grooms siblings in the wedding party? Wouldn’t they be at the head table with the bride and groom. 

    Listen you are not the only bride that has been in this predicament.  The reception venue may be able to suggest some options for you. 

  • Cammie
    Lv 7
    3 months ago

    Put mother of the groom at one table with his  brothers and spouses. Put father at another table with family

    Put your parents and sisters with husband's at another table.You and the groom can have a private table in the middle.

    Use round tables.

    Don't do any of this till the virus has gone.

  • Anonymous
    3 months ago

    Time for your fiance to man up.   He needs to take his parents aside and tell them that if they choose to attend the wedding there is a zero tolerance policy for obnoxious and petty behavior.  If they cannot be adult enough to smile and be polite, even to those they don't like, then a groomsman will ask them to leave.   PERIOD.   And then he needs to line up a level-headed, confidant groomsman to follow-through.

    Seat the guests according to your preference.   They can choose to behave themselves and stay or they can be booted for being self-absorbed brats with no self-control.    Their choice.

    If the two of you truly feel that his parents can't and won't behave even on the wedding day, then consider not inviting them.   If they want to be invited to things, they need to behave.    You all have let this crappy behavior go on for far too long.   Now they think they can act like brats and still receive invitations.    I hate to say it, but you all are part of the problem for allowing this.   It's time to raise the bar. 

  • 3 months ago

     Have a designated family table for your family; and sit his parents on other tables separately. 

  • Anonymous
    3 months ago

    Id skip the wedding, go to city hall. Why do you have to have your day ruined by god only knows what. Its your day, you should not have to worry. Go and elope. Im sure many will want to know why...the answer, are you kidding me? Its our day, not a day at the fights.

  • edward
    Lv 7
    3 months ago

    Animosity in my family is my aunt and her kids.  They’ve always thought they were better than us.  They didn’t even attend the wedding.  That’s how bad it is.  And then when my son was born and they wanted to see him they acted like nothing happened.  These guys need to be sitting at the kids table where that kind of behaviour is expected.  My wife actually had one of my friends and one of hers escorted out of the building because there was drama.  

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