My boyfriend comments on my weight/body. Is it common for your bf/gf to give you a "goal weight" to achieve? Advice?
My boyfriend (33) and I (26) have been dating for 3 years. Just to put it out there - I'm 5'5", 118lbs, 32/26/36 ratio. He's 5'7" and 170lbs. Idk his ratio but he does have a belly.
Ever since I've met him, it seems like he has something against bigger woman. For instance, 3 years ago we were driving somewhere, and he made a comment about a woman on the street who was chubby (not even fat) and said "instead of going into that restaurant, she should be hitting the gym" (which I called him out on and said it was mean)
Or another time I showed him a picture of a costume I liked however it was only available in plus size. Instead of commenting on the costume, he mentions that "that woman is way too big for me. She would crush me".Last year, we got into an argument because randomly in an Uber, he asked me how big my mom is. I told him I don't feel like it's appropriate or respectful to comment how "big" my mom is, but he still pressured me to tell him, even mentioning his mom and his sister are pretty big.
Now, about the comments about me. Like I said, I'm 118lbs. The most I've weighed while dating him was 125. I told him multiple time I want to gain weight, even at the start of our relationship. He would tell me stuff like "I need to gain muscle", or he would tell me what I should work out, and I should stay skinny because that's what he likes. Recently, he told me I should never surpass 130lbs. Yesterday I made a joke about how puny I am, and he says "yea, and stay that way".
This doesn't make me feel confident nor does it boost my self esteem. Any day now, my metabolism can slow down. If I gain a significant amount of weight, would he find me unattractive? I talked to him about this multiple times and he would say "well it's just my preference". He would also say he loves my body, but in the next breathe say I need to gain muscle. Are comments like these common?
- Anonymous1 month ago
He's being up front and honest he doesn't find fat or chubby women attractive. Your decision but if you become fat he will walk, that's what he's telling you in a roundabout way. A lot of guys and for that matter women don't do chunky they find it repulsive.
- Anonymous1 month ago
Oh hell nah, girl dump him!
If you wanna gain weight, gain it. If you wanna lose then go ahead and do it.
It's your body not his. Just know if you do stay with him there's a big possibility he will keep saying things like this about your friends and your mom. Personally I wouldn't put up with it, talking bad about a loved one crosses the line for me.
- Raymond L.Lv 51 month ago
"instead of going into that restaurant, she should be hitting the gym
5 5 and 118 pounds is not fat at all.
- 1 month ago
He may be rude but he is being honest, I know many of men who aren't happy with the way that their wives have ballooned up over the years especially after marriage. They won't divorce them because they have kids, but boy do their eyes wander and do they complain. If how he talks about weight is a problem for you and you discussed it with him and he won't change his attitude or way of thinking then you've got to move on. He was asking about your mom because he wanted to know if she was fat and if she had genetics for being overweight, if you said your mom was a bit on the plump side, then he was going to start making some decisions to make.
What's his relationship with his mom and sister, with them being big maybe that has something to do with his disgust for the portly ladies of the world.
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- EviLv 41 month ago
Lose him. I had the opposite issue with my ex, he would tell me I'm not big enough and my lack of weight made him feel uncomfortable. When we were together, I weighed 170 lbs and I'm 5'7, he weighed 320+lbs and is 5'6. The whole debacle made me feel less of a human being and it really affected my confidence. Point is never let anyone make you feel less of a person because of what you do or don't weigh. And don't put up with someone who is disrespectful to others either.
Side note, you sound perfectly fine as you are don't lose or gain weight unless YOU want to do so.
- PrinceLv 61 month ago
First of all, how foolish to waste three years of your life with a man who is never going to marry you PLUS put up with this crap. Second of all, if it was even worth staying with him any longer to be worth doing it, I'd say pour bacon grease in his rice and melted butter into his cake and load his food with sugar and salt and fats. But it's not worth the waste of time to do crap like that to creeps because you should always move on to people who are worth your while. You've wasted three years being an unwed baggage and need to go find a lawful husband with some money to leave you, even if he's 91.
- James BlackleyLv 71 month ago
Since when is 5'5/118lbs overweight for a woman? According to the BMI, your weight puts you at 19 1/6 and the normal range is 18-24, you are actually at the very low end of normal, meaning any real weight loss puts you below weight.
Your boyfriend OTOH is considered to be overweight for his height! It sounds to me he has self hatred issues going on, and he is projecting them onto you, and quite frankly, even if you were overweight hes a hypocrite judging you.
Tell him to take a hike.
- PLv 71 month ago
No it's not very common at all. You shouldn't be just accepting these comments without giving him any type of significant negative reaction to show him how inappropriate they are. You have to figure out if he's really willing to back up these comments or is just saying something stupid in the moment.
- FinLv 41 month ago
Your height / weight ratio is almost underweight on a BMI calculator. Even at 125lbs, you're still well within normal weight. And unless he's stocky or muscular, your boyfriend is overweight per the BMI scale.
If you continue to date him then I would suggest you have a blunt conversation with him that he needs to cease with his prattle. If he doesn't, I'd seriously consider moving on to someone who doesn't body shame you.
- JesereLv 71 month ago
Judgements within a relationship are like a slow acting poison